So there’s this 18-year-old kid in Wisconsin, one Alex D. Phillips, who posted gynecologist-quality nude pictures of his 16-year-old ex-girlfriend on his MySpace account.
Police got wind of it and offered Mr. Phillips the courtesy of a phone call, informing him that he could be charged with dissemination of child pornography if he didn’t remove the pictures from his MySpace account.
His response to the cops, and I quote: “Fuck that, I am keeping them up.“
So they busted him the next day and hauled him off to jail. The DA charged him with a.) Possession Of Child Pornography, a Class I felony, b.) Sexual Exploitation of a Child, a Class F felony, and c.) Defamation, a Class A misdemeanor. Total maximum jail time possible for all those charges combined: Sixteen years and nine months.
For those of you wondering why anyone would choose to blow off a warning in the face of such unpleasant consequences, I am once again quoting the Criminal Complaint, specifically the captions the dumbass wrote for the two pictures in question:
“Yo tell me this bitch desurves it!!!!!!!! This is <name of ex-girlfriend>, yall! Yo, U see how big her hole is! Its from me! <Name of new boyfriend> gets my leftover’s to bad she fucked.”
Rhodes Scholar material, that one.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and hazard a guess that his upcoming jail sentence won’t interfere with his academic career. Also, when he gets out of jail, he’ll be an expert on holes and how big they can get, seeing how low his class of felony ranks in the criminal pecking order.
13 Comments
May 23, 2008 at 8:32 am
Oooof. When the wall, with handwriting on it, has been hand-delivered to your door, it’s just plain churlish not to read and attend. Or, as the young folk today might say colloquially – what a dick.
May 23, 2008 at 8:41 am
As you say MarkHB what a dick something he will be an expert on by the time he get out.
May 23, 2008 at 8:47 am
What this planet needs is a twenty foot long flying predator.
May 23, 2008 at 8:57 am
Back in college, a good friend of mine gets ticketed for speeding. Next day, same speed trap, my friend points out the copper, makes a face and waggles his fingers. Friend gets pulled over again.
Officer: “Son, if I had a citation for stupidity, I’d give you one.”
May 23, 2008 at 2:27 pm
It’s incidents like this that make me think a death penalty for stupidity might not be such a bad idea after all.
May 23, 2008 at 2:52 pm
He’s a moron and an utter immature asshat, but this just highlights how incredibly stupid “child pornography” laws are, when a 16 year old is a “child”.
She can legally have him plook her in ever available orifice, as many times as they both want, but he can’t own a picture of her naked (“possession of child pornography”)?
(Publishing them is, of course, tactless and vile, and marks him out as an inferior human being and waste of oxygen – but it shouldn’t be any more illegal than possessing them; which is to say, it shouldn’t be illegal to have pictures of any activity that is, itself, legal for the viewer/taker to participate in or observe.
And calling that “child pornography” just cheapens the real and useful laws against the actual exploitation and abuse of children.)
May 23, 2008 at 3:06 pm
I’m in total agreement with you, Sigivald.
That said, he’s a rare kind of stupid for blowing off the po-leece like that.
May 23, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Regolith: We used to, but then we started pasting warning labels all over everything.
“Do not insert screwdriver into eye.”
May 23, 2008 at 4:14 pm
I think it’s a fair comment that society flies in the face of Darwin, attempting to protect the stupid and incompetent from their own thumb-fingered doltery – and attempting to protect large agglomerations of money from the predations of those willing to sue for anything and everything.
Grumble. Still, it’s a constant source of amusement, finding really idiotic signs. Then again, I’ve had people back away from my “Warning: Rays cast by this shirt travel in excess of 675,000,000MPH” shirt. Go figure.
May 23, 2008 at 4:48 pm
OMG. It just astounds..the level of depravity every damn where. I hope he gets what he gave…
May 23, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Regolith: I’m reminded of a SF story I read some years back (in Analog?) where TSTL _was_ a legal finding and such criminals _were_ executed.
It ended up selecting for criminals smart enough to avoid getting caught, and left the police with many more unsolvable crimes…
May 24, 2008 at 12:54 pm
“Do not insert screwdriver into eye.”
First thought: phillips-head cornea.
June 3, 2008 at 6:58 am
*stands and applauds Sigivald*