i should have been a police detective.

Exhibit A: our mailbox, with a dent in the side that deformed the metal enough to pop seams and keep the door from closing.

Exhibit B: several glass shards with reflective coating on one side, one of which is bearing the words “BJECTS IN REAR VI” in mirrored script along the bottom.  Glass shards in question are scattered along the side of the road, six to eight feet beyond the mailbox, in the direction of traffic flow.

What do you think may have happened here?  Take a wild guess, now.

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43 thoughts on “i should have been a police detective.

  1. Someone threw a passenger side mirror at your mailbox! Why would they do that?

    Burn then!

  2. T.Stahl says:

    I had the same thought, that someone threw a mirrow at your mailbox.

    Must be the matrix.

  3. theflatwhite says:

    They’ve started filming for Jurassic Park IV and the stunt jeep ran into your mailbox fleeing an imaginary T-Rex?

  4. theflatwhite says:

    ^^ that is, the jeep was fleeing…not the mailbox.

  5. pawnbroker says:

    “bjects in rear vi”…hmmm, could be latin, but i don’t speak that shit…

    so i’ll say either a satellite fell on your mailbox (hughesnet? could be a warning)…

    or, an explosion in a nearby disco sent the mirrorball in your direction…

    jtc

  6. I’m guessing… Detroit Hoodlums?

  7. Phil says:

    Somebody probably threw a beer bottle at it. Never heard of a beer with that name though.

  8. 63 years (almost) to the day, a mirror blown skyward from Hiroshima finally returned to orbit a la Looney Tunes and landed on a poor unsuspecting mailbox in New Hampshire.

    Small price to pay. Just sweep up the glass and say, “Thank you, and God Bless America”.

    tweaker

  9. Jeremy says:

    “BJECTS IN REAR VI”

    Pretty sure it’s Latin for “I failed Drivers Training”. Or possibly “My Situational Awareness is Lacking” The translation software was a little sketchy.

  10. Ms. V says:

    You do know that today is the day that Richard Nixon resigned…in 1974.

    I’m quite sure it had something to do with that.

  11. Tam says:

    Wow, this is like an episode of CSI: Enfield, NH!

  12. Marko says:

    Actually, I suspect Canadian involvement somehow. I mean, Quebec is just a hop and a skip up the road, and you know those shifty Francophones.

  13. Jason says:

    I, for one, welcome our new reflective overlords.

  14. Tam says:

    Marko,

    Check for traces of wine, garlic butter, and snail squeezins in the thumbprint that’s sure to be on a fragment of the mirror (I’ve watched TeeWee, I know how this works, trust me.) That will confirm the involvement of shifty frog types.

  15. Tam says:

    PS: I’ll bet if you trace the microscopic serial number handily engraved on the back of the largest fragment, you’ll find that it traces back to a ’92 Citroen with Quebec plates.

  16. OldTexan says:

    Look at the DNA, it works every time and it will prove nekked people did it.

  17. nbc says:

    In other news…

    Man reports wing mirror abducted by aliens!

  18. Casey says:

    What really happened was…*******CENSORED*******…and they didn’t have time to fix it so the .gov clean-up crew scattered glass from a broken side mirror to throw suspicion onto an errant driver, and divert it from their most recent project to escape.

    Where’s my hat?

    Casey

  19. Cybrludite says:

    My guess is you find someone having seven years bad luck, you’ll find your culprit.

  20. jimbob86 says:

    Time to build a brick mailbox.

  21. kbiel says:

    Shame on you for keeping a mailbox that menaces your poor neighborhood drivers. Today it may be nipping at their mirrors, but that will only lead to it impaling people’s radiators and windshields. I’m thinking the city council should ban your breed of mailbox.

  22. Jim says:

    It was an evil, high-capacity mailbox, wasn’t it?

    Surely, just the proximity of that wicked device caused the very nature of that passing car to change, flinging it’s right side against that horrible implement.

    I mean, how many letters would that box hold? Thirty? Fifty? Even, gawd forbid, a hundred?. And just why do you need more than ten letters, anyway, huh?

    No wonder it went postal on that poor, innocent car that was doing nothing but minding it’s own buisness as it passed down your street.

    Until it came to your evil, nature-changing mailbox. That’s when the car found itself powerless….powerless I tellya!, to avoid being sucked in by your mailbox’s evil dark power.

    Personally, I think Dick Cheney was involved. Check the debris for signs of birdshot.

    Jim
    Sloop New Dawn
    Galveston, TX

  23. Murphy says:

    I blame Global Warming.

    And George Bush.

  24. Ted says:

    Kbiel, if you ban mailboxes, only criminals will have them.

    Marco, do you have to have a license for a concealed mailbox in New Hampshire? Man, these laws are so confusing.

  25. Brandon says:

    Make sure you have your state-issued Mailbox Owner’s ID Card handy when you file the police report. If you don’t, you’re stuck with only one option: MSS (Mail, Shovel, Shut up).

  26. Mikee says:

    It is obvious that your mailbox perpetrated a vile and obscene act with a car – and both watched themselves in the car mirror. Destruction of the mirror was necessitated to avoid future embarrassment. The mailbox looks busted because, hey, its way to old to be perpetrating such obscene acts…..

  27. mike w. says:

    Check for DNA, given your proximity to MA this could have been Ted Kennedy going on a whiskey induced road rage bender.

  28. ATLien says:

    I’ve seen CSI, too. I bet there’s semen on it. Be sure to use gloves. Don’t know where you’re going to find one of those fancy semen-finding lights, tho.

  29. Liberty says:

    “Objects in Rear VI” … Marko, I’m fairly certain that’s a new adult movie coming out. If I remember right, it takes place in Dr. Lance Upwards private practice office and involves his lab assistant, Bee Hynd, and various examination tools.

    I think this is just a guerrilla marketing campaign of some kind … at least your vehicle was parked far enough up your driveway that they didn’t accidentally ram your rear end.

    At any rate, I hope it’s better than “Objects In Rear V” … what a piece of crap that one was.

  30. Rio Arriba says:

    Who says this isn’t a great country?

    Who says creativity is dead?

    Who indeed!

  31. Less says:

    and you know those shifty Francophones.

    Spoken like a true German… When does the blitz begin?!
    ;)

  32. staghounds says:

    What good is a Francophone now, he’s been dead since Chevy Chase had a job!

    And, you can tell which piece of the mirror has the DNA on it- when the pretty investigator’s hand touches it, there will be loud music.

    It’s all your fault. Why was the mailbox intruding so far into the street?

  33. Shooter says:

    Marko, have you heard any of those stealth black helicopters fluttering around?

  34. Wyatt Earp says:

    I am a police detective (in Philly). I’m stumped.

  35. Bunnyman says:

    I’m gonna rule out the Canadian mirror theory, because Canadian mirrors say “Les objets dans le miroir sont plus étroits qu’ils apparaissent” underneath “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.”

  36. I too welcome our new reflective overlords. Gawd, don’t any use guys have a job to go to? You just sit around all day making this stuff up? Well, I am glad you did.

  37. Ditto says:

    Bunnyman Says:
    I’m gonna rule out the Canadian mirror theory, because Canadian mirrors say “Les objets dans le miroir sont plus étroits qu’ils apparaissent” underneath “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.”

    I thought that english translation was not allowed in the land of gun free living.

  38. MarkHB says:

    I’ve got it.

    It was a suicide attempt by a spy robot from the future which had seen too much! Poor Bjects Inrear, sixth of his line, had seen unholy acts beyond comprehension of his little gallium-arsenide neural substrate and dashed his monographed eye in on your mailbox.

    Feel honoured, but also feel pity for that poor drone. What calumny had he witnessed, to drive him mad so?

    Godspeed, Bjects Inrear VI. You were… you were better than we deserved. Godspeed.

    *sob*

  39. Matt G says:

    Usually that stuff isn’t written on the passenger side rearview mirror, but is on the driver’s side mirror.

    Given the distribution beyond the mailbox, I’d say that you’ve got a mail man who’s going to have trouble backing, a local idjit who had backed quickly when he shouldn’a’, or someone with the minority of mirrors so inscribed on the passenger side, who was texting while driving… drunk.

  40. jeremy says:

    Someone stole your mailbox to go smash a mirror and then put it back because they felt guilty?

  41. Hemlock says:

    Actually, its quite simple Watson.

    The postman delivered a plain package with no return address to the mailbox you see destroyed here. This kind of unmarked package is a common practice by drug runners or mayors and others of ill repute who mail drugs to each other. The postman promptly reported this to the local constable, who got a no-knock warrant to enter and search this mail receptacle. The uber-tacticool SWAT team, after loudly bellowing their presence, then used the Urban Doorbuster 3000(tm) to gain access to the offending box resulting in the mess you see here. After noticing it was the wrong box with no drugs and no dogs to shoot nearby, the captain decided to call it a night.The glass with its cryptic markings is obviously from the Swat van mirror, as it failed to make the turn as it hastily headed back to town to discover the latest free offerings from Duncan.

    Watson, you really must pay attention to the details. Oh,by the way, my pipe is empty. Stop by the post on the way back, thats a good fellow.

  42. rick says:

    Clearly it was a message from an emacs user.

  43. George Smith says:

    Just wondering, Marko … although that’s enough suspicion right there ’cause I am a Canuck … but … was your mailbox black?

    As for the Citroen 2CV … it had to be a ’62 … not a ’92. The ’92 and later Citroens are so coolly designed that they’re practically invisible.

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