2009 and the oughties: reflections and stuff.

So it’s the last day of 2009, and since everyone is reflecting on the year and decade we’re about to send off into the history books, I guess I’ll jump off that particular bridge, too.

2009 was a Really Busy Year.  “Busy” has been the word around the house pretty much ever since we started with the procreation thing, but this year just seemed like it was busier than the ones before it.  I finished a novel (“Terms of Enlistment”) and a few short stories, sold a few articles here and there, and wrote about a third of the follow-up novel to “Terms of Enlistment”, called “Lines of Departure”.  I switched to longhand writing in January, so I’ve written pretty much every word of the current novel (and roughly the second half of the one before it) on paper with a fountain pen.  By now, it’s pretty safe to say that the longhand method doesn’t slow down the rate of production much for me. 

(Strangely enough, I don’t like writing non-fiction or short prose in longhand.  For articles or short stories, I break out the Neo, dust off a typewriter, or just type stuff directly into Word on the PC.  Blog posts are drummed straight into the computer as well, using Windows Live Writer.)

As far as family business goes, 2009 wasn’t a bad year at all.  Quinn turned four, Lyra turned two, I turned thirty-eight, and Robin turned *mumblecough*.  There were no deaths, no diseases, and no major sicknesses in our families, and we’re all reasonably healthy and free of lingering maladies.  I didn’t get to see my German relatives this year, and haven’t seen them in person since 2005, but the Internet and that new-fangled telephone device help a lot to stay in touch and shrink the distance mentally.

The Oughties, on the other hand, were a mixed bag.  I started the decade by being served divorce papers, and continued it with a layoff during the popping of the tech bubble.  My grandmother died in 2007, my canine buddy Sam died in 2002, and there have been the first natural deaths in our graduating high school class, which is something that’ll make you feel old quickly.  There was the unmitigated Bag of Suck that was 9/11, of course, and the financial woes of the recession.  On the plus side of the ledger, I met Robin in 2002, we got married in 2003, I became a U.S. citizen in 2004, Quinn was born in 2005, and Lyra was born in 2007, so the Oughties have that going for them.  I also finally got serious about writing, finished three novels since 2006, went to Viable Paradise, and made a ton of new writer friends.  I also started this here Interblogs thingie in 2001 (on Blogger back then), and I’ve made hundreds of new online pals, many of which have turned into real-life friends.

So, all in all, I guess the closing decade held a lot of joy and grief, much like every decade before it, and we all enjoyed the fun bits and endured the sucky ones, much like in every decade before it. I have a sneaky suspicion that this trend will continue unabated into the…what the hell are we going to call the coming decade, anyway?  The Ones? The Ought-Tens? The Tweens-N-Teens?

However the past year and decade have turned out for you, I wish you a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2010.  Personally, I think it will be a pretty good year, and the start to a fine decade.

the 2009 munchkin wrangler digest.

I started the annual digest thing last year, and it was fairly well received, so I’ll make it a recurring feature from now on…sort of like the Search Term Safari, only fifty-two times slower.

(Feel free to swipe the format for your own blog, and consider it a meme. I got the idea for the “First Post of the Month” from Elizabeth Bear, and cobbled the rest together myself based on what I thought people might find interesting.)

First Post of the Month (with first line excerpt):

January: and then it was oh-nine. “What are we going to call this decade in the future?  The Oughts?”

February: twenty-five things about me. “I’ve been tagged with this meme multiple times both through the blogosphere and Facebook, so here are Twenty-Five Things About Me that I’m certain you’re just dying to know.”

March: parker’s fabulous “51”. “Every once in a while, someone engineers a tool that performs its function so well that it stands out from all the other comparable tools in its field, and earns the title of ‘classic’.”

April: my reward awaits. “Here’s a picture of the stack of books sitting on the corner of my desk:”

May: break out the red banners. “Today is May Day, the international Day of Labor, which all the little Communists celebrate by not going to the jobs they don’t have anyway.”

June: staggering across the finish line. “I used my low-level Apprentice Carpentry skills yesterday to fashion the old center drawer of my desk into a matching stow-away keyboard tray.”

July: canada day. “Happy Canada Day to our neighbors to the north!”

August: a good day to burn some powder. “It’s Sunday! It’s Northeast Blogger Shoot Day!”

September: words to sentences to paragraphs. repeat until finished. “I’ve got nothing but work on my mind today, so all you’ll get this evening is a quick list of writing-related bullet points, the better to put you into a deep sleep with.”

October: notes from a sunday. “We have a very good friend staying with us this weekend, so Castle Frostbite has been abuzz with all kinds of social activities.”

November: first of novembah. “Happy November! Today marks the first day of NaNoWriMo, the National Novel Writing Month.”

December: the wordsmith and his hammer. “The typewriter in the picture above is Cormac McCarthy’s Olivetti Lettera 32.”

Top Five Posts of the Year:

  1. guilty gun pleasures: the three-eighty. (4,388 views)
  2. a vote for gun control is a vote for thunderdome. (3,210 views)
  3. major caudill hits the big time. (2,838 views)
  4. gender’s got nothing to do with it. (2,579 views)
  5. the alphasmart neo: a long-term review. (2,524 views)

Top Five Search Terms of the Year:

  1. munchkin wrangler
  2. pretty girls
  3. alphasmart neo
  4. sig p232
  5. midget porn

Top Five Referrers:

  1. View from the Porch  42,263 referrals
  2. The LawDog Files  16,007 referrals
  3. SayUncle 6,618 referrals
  4. A Day in the Life of an Ambulance Driver  3,886 referrals
  5. Xavier Thoughts 2,749 referrals

dispatch from castle frostbite.

My brother-in-law and his kid are here for a few days, and we’re showing them the wonders of northern New England.  The Great Big Thermostat In The Sky obligingly dialed itself down to “Arctic” just before they got here.  They’re winter sports types, and stoked to see so much snow on the ground.  Quinn’s cousin Hunter was particularly impressed with Mascoma Lake, which is now just about frozen over in its entirety.  I told him that he’d be able to see an ice fishing hut village out on the lake in another month…and SUVs parked on the ice next to those huts.

CIMG1895

Temps up here in Upper Cryogenica are in the single digits, with the wind chill of the 10-15 knot winds making it feel like –20F.  When you’re prepared and geared for the winter, however, it’s actually sort of fun.  (And if you’re into snowshoeing, skiing, or ice skating, it’s positively Paradise.)

In other news, we finally have a local Fun Shop here in Enfield.  They’re called Hollow Point Sports—it’s a small shop out on Route 4, and they’re just starting out with a storefront, but it’s kind of neat, and the people are friendly.  There’s another shop over in Lebanon, but I don’t like going there, because it’s one of those places that makes you feel like you’re intruding when you’re stopping by to browse the selection.  I ducked into the new shop for the first time last Saturday, and spent a while chatting with the guys who run it.  They have a small, but growing inventory, and they only charge $25 for FFL transfers, which is pretty good.  I drooled over one of the new S&W .22LR AR-15s, and generally reveled in the novelty of having a decent local Fun Shop again.

Today, we’re seeing off Quinn’s uncle and cousin.  They’re going to hit the slopes at our local ski slope, Whaleback Mountain, before they continue their whirlwind tour of Yankee-Land.  More bloggenation will be committed later, but now I have to roll crepes for breakfast.  Mmmm…Nutella crepes…

what santa brought me this year.

We generally just buy gifts for the kids, but this year Robin and I spent a few bucks on ourselves for Christmas.  She got a set of indoor herb garden planter thingies, and I got this:

lamy_l66vtf

lamy_l66vtf_4

That’s a Lamy Studio Limited Edition Violet, with an extra-fine 14kt. gold nib.  Pelikan 4001 Violet ink is a perfect match for that pen, and I just happen to have a nearly full bottle of it in my desk drawer.

Shiny, no?

(Also: much easier to assemble than a play kitchen.)

monday search term safari LXXX.

why does hollister play loud music

They play loud music to drive out the parents…who will hand over the plastic to their fiscally less restrained offspring, and say “I’ll be over at Waldenbooks.”

fisher mustelids anatomy

The fisher cat is a member of the weasel family, all of which share a general anatomy layout that can be loosely described as “fur-covered Slinky”.

what is 5.56x 45mm

That’s the metric designation for the .223 Remington, and also the proper name for the military version of that caliber.  There are subtle differences in chamber dimensions between them.  5.56x45mm is NATO standard for rifles these days.

For those who are curious: metric caliber designations are <diameter of bullet> x <length of cartridge case> in millimeters.  If it’s a rimmed round, there’s an R after the case length, so the .357 Magnum is a 9x33mmR (or just 9x33R) in metric-speak.

are introverts assholes

If they are, at least they usually keep it to themselves.  An extroverted asshole is generally much more of a nuisance.  “Movie Talker Guy” is a classic Extroverted Asshole, as is “Loudly Yakking Cellphone Dude at Starbucks”. 

slap my wife

Like my wife would say…”you gotta sleep sometime, pal.”  (Let’s hope you’re just trying to kink it up in the bedroom, and you’re not an actual wife-slapping type.  Spouse/partner abusers rank on the biological scale somewhere between deer ticks and the common shithouse fly.)

s&w model 10 for a carry gun

There’s nothing wrong with carrying a good S&W Model 10.  I have a three-inch model riding along with me quite frequently.  It’s a mature design that had the bugs worked out of it when the first Roosevelt was in the White House, and as far as guns go, it’s as reliable as they come. 

russian snow blower

A “Russian snow blower” is a babushka with a shovel.

why does my akita make snorting sounds

Because he observed you doing something stupid, and he wants to express his contempt?

(Seriously? I have no idea.  Maybe one of the Akita-owning readers can chime in on this one.)

snl little johnny human torch

That’s one of Irving Mainway’s cheap and dangerous Halloween costumes.  “Johnny Human Torch” is a bag of oily rags and a lighter.

the munchkin wrangler, best intro fountain pen

Someone actually looked up my opinion on starter fountain pens.  Well, my recommendation usually includes the Lamy Safari ($25), the Pilot 78G ($15), or the Waterman Phileas ($40).  All of those are very good writers for not a whole lot of money.  They’re gateway drugs, though…if you don’t watch out, you’ll find yourself shopping for $300 Pelikans and vintage Parkers a few months later.

 

And that’s it for this morning. Most of you are undoubtedly still sleeping off your holiday food stupors.  For those who have to put in some time at work this week: get to it!  All those trillions of dollars of government debt aren’t going to pay themselves off, you know.

another round of security kabuki.

Some Jihadi tries to blow up a plane with explosive underpants, and the TSA promptly does what it has been doing since 2002: slamming the stable door shut long after the horse has bolted, and catching all our metaphorical dicks in it in the process.  The public needs to regain the illusion of safety, so the TSA takes swift steps to prevent any future attacks that may occur in precisely the same fashion.

Have you noticed that all those Jihadis are always so joyless?  Like most proper religious zealots, fun seems to be specifically outlawed for them.  The fanatics in the hardcore fundamentalist offsprings of the Big Three Abrahamic religions are actually remarkably similar in that respect—they usually prohibit eating tasty stuff, using your body for any pleasurable activity, listening to non-Godly music, chugging booze, or doing anything that’s not directly related to scoring brownie points with the Big Guy upstairs.

Anyway, I thought it might be time for a new business venture, to bring some cheer to the joyless Warriors of Allah.  I’ll need some venture capital for this, but I think it has enormous profit potential:

Introducing Kablamnimals™!   The first line of explosive underwear with Koran-friendly cartoon characters!

Why put on those ugly homemade long johns when you could be blowing yourself into paradise while your loins are girded with whimsical and amusing animal friends?  Choose from any of over two dozen characters, including Ghalib the Goat, Farouk the Fox, Hassan the Horse, and Careem the Camel! 

The only explosive underwear on the market with an eternal guarantee!  (Available with TNT, Semtex, and PETN liners.)  Look for Kablamnimals™ soon at your local JihadMart, Hamas-R-Us, or official Wahhabi World™ merchandise store.

merry christmas 2009.

Daddy got up at 4am this morning to help Santa assemble the play kitchen he crammed down the chimney.  Other epic loot this year: a Thomas train set for Quinn, a Winnie the Pooh laptop for Lyra, and various DVDs and computer games.  We also got a Wii along with the Wii Fit package as a family gift—undoubtedly a hint from Santa for Daddy to get out of his chair and shed those extra pounds before the Middle Age Expansion sets in.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Castle Frostbite and all its residents.  Have some eggnog, eat some tasty foods of high caloric density, and engage in reckless merrymaking!

First snowfall, 06DEC09 030 First snowfall, 06DEC09 037

First snowfall, 06DEC09 019 First snowfall, 06DEC09 032

back in the 21st century.

The short summary of the last four days:

Internet out. Dark Ages. Agony.

The long summary:

Hughesnet crapped the bed again.  Satellite service went out on Sunday morning.  Four phone calls to various tech support gentlemen with Indian accents did not resolve the issue.  Tech support says a technician is needed on site, which means a blanket charge of $125 just for the guy to show up.

However, luck would have it that Robin got information about a competing wireless Internet provider.  We scheduled an installer to come out and see if we get signal from their wireless tower, and they just stopped by.  I watched with no small amount of trepidation as they walked around the house with their portable testing equipment, checking out lines-of-sight and measuring signal strength.

Guy came back inside and said, “Looks good.”  And lo, a shaft of light came down from the heavens and illuminated him in a saintly glow.

The long and short of it: I just prepaid for a whole year, and now we have an unrestricted wireless Internet connection that’s not interruptible by bad weather.  It’s half the monthly cost of Hughesnet, gives us a half-megabit pipe for downloads and a 256k one for uploads, and comes with DSL-like low latency of ~40ms.  I can download all I want without megabyte caps, their speeds actually match the advertised bitrates, and we can double our download rate by switching to their Small Business plan if we ever feel the need for more speed.

Now I’m going to make lunch for the kids, and then I’ll sit down and take great pleasure in calling Hughesnet and telling them to cancel the account and shove their “service” square up their asses.  (Maybe I’ll use the dish as a target backer for my rimfire range.)

More to follow…

fat windbag says what?

Professional douchebag Michael Moore is threatening to boycott Connecticut to protest Senator Joe Lieberman’s position on the “ZOMG we have to borrow a trillion RIGHT NOW and spend it, or we’ll go bankrupt!!!1!!One!!” health care bill.

As the advocate of the blue-collar worker that Michael Moore makes himself out to be, it’s interesting that he’d want to collectively punish the service industry of an entire state for the vote of one of its senators.  Much like international sanctions, boycotts don’t have much of an impact on the people in charge.  (Lieberman will not feel a boycott of Connecticut in his wallet, for example.)  The people disproportionally impacted by boycotts and sanctions are always the poor schlobs at the bottom: the hotel and restaurant workers that get laid off for lack of business, the cab drivers, and so on.  International sanctions don’t do a fat lot of good to keep Robert Mugabe from eating well, but they sure contribute to the malaise of Zimbabwe’s population.  The ones at the bottom always get hit the hardest, and the ones at the top always feel the effects of sanctions and boycotts last, if at all.  Think about this for just a second: the man wants to put low-wage people out of work by the thousands just because their senator doesn’t vote the way Michael Moore wants.  Can you imagine what he’d do with the hammer of government power if you put him in charge?

Of course, Michael Moore’s concern for Joe Sixpack is about as genuine as Mugabe’s concern for his population.  The man’s raking in millions with a movie about the evils of capitalism, which ranks pretty high up on the hypocrisy scale, and his greasy ball cap and scruffy beard are supposed to convince us that he’s just One Of The Working Class.  (In his world, he is merely enjoying the well-earned fruits of his labor—bringing enlightenment to the masses at ten bucks a pop for a movie ticket—while someone who figures out how to make a widget for X dollars and then sells twenty million of ‘em for X+10 dollars is a plutocratic exploiter of the working man.) 

In 1980s East Germany, people like Michael Moore were the mid- to high-level Politburo apparatchiks who enjoyed benefits inaccessible to the workers and peasants.  Michael and his ilk see themselves as philosopher-kings who should rightfully enjoy a few perks for the hard and important work they do for the common good, and they think the only reason socialism hasn’t ever worked is because the right people haven’t been in charge.  Yes,  private individuals can ruin a company through excessive pursuit of self-interest, but that kind of stupid is limited and self-correcting.  (The current economic troubles were greatly amplified by throwing warehouses full of public money around to save companies that were “too big to fail”.)  Only government power can ruin an entire country, because there’s no corrective mechanism for people who have a force monopoly, the power of the purse, and Really Bad Ideas.

(Via Tam.)

a contest.

There will be Actual Content ™ later, after I’ve braved the crowds at the WalMarts, but until I get back, here’s a little contest for you.

Take the following statement:

“It’s fun to stay at the YMCA!”

and translate it into the most opaque, long-winded, and buzzword-littered Corporate/Marketing/Academica-speak you can think up.

The deadline is midnight, I’ll pick a winner tomorrow morning, and the prize shall be a pen & paper-related item of my choosing.  (Rest assured that it will be neat, and that your life will gain a certain measure of completeness with it.)

Ready? Go!