bwuh?

Via, oh, just about everyone, we have this nugget of weapons-grade Stupid from (where else?) Congress:

That’s Rep. Hank Johnson (D-GA), warning against the danger of the island of Guam tipping over and capsizing if it gets too many people on it.  I don’t know what Hank’s college degree says at the bottom, but from the astounding amount of fail demonstrated in diverse disciplines of science, it’s probably safe to say he holds a Masters in Slabovian Kurmfurling, Interpretive Astrology, or some other liberal arts nonsense.

These are the people you trust to know how to fix health care?  I wouldn’t put that guy in charge of my slush account, and that one just has $1.13, a Seattle’s Best Coffee coupon, and a half-eaten Charleston Chew in it.

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45 thoughts on “bwuh?

  1. Joanna says:

    “I wouldn’t put that guy in charge of my slush account, and that one just has $1.13, a Seattle’s Best Coffee coupon, and a half-eaten Charleston Chew in it.”

    I LOL’d.

    • Blast Hardcheese says:

      Can we start a list of Things We Would Not Trust To Hank Johnson?

      My contribution:

      I would not trust Hank Johnson alone with a grapefruit spoon. I just know I’d come back after 10 minutes and find he’d stuck it in his eye.

      • bluntobject says:

        That’s why I’d totally trust Hank Johnson with a grapefruit spoon. And a woodburning kit, and lawn darts.

      • Tam says:

        I wouldn’t trust him with a burnt-out match, and yet I seem to have inadvertently trusted him with making funding decisions for my armed forces. Howinnahell did that happen?

  2. Tam says:

    I have long since lost my capacity to be shocked by the absolutely breathtaking ignorance of the average human being.

    • aczarnowski says:

      I continue to amaze myself that I continue to be amazed.

      May I reach your zen state soon!

      • Kristopher says:

        Rep Johnbson should ignore the nay-sayers and stick to his guns!

        This is what happens when you allow “progress” to cause Anthropogenic Plate Tectonics.

        Do your bit, and lift one foot off the Earth for an hour today!

        • bluntobject says:

          Do your bit, and lift one foot off the Earth for an hour today!

          NOOOOO! That just shifts the force application point of your weight on the plate’s surface, increasing the moment around its centre of mass. You could capsize a whole continent that way if everyone did it at once!

          What we need to do instead is have everyone travel by Segway to reduce or eliminate the harmonics caused by bipedal perambulation. Forward-thinking governments have already established tax incentives to promote responsible personal transportation, but unless we can get the United Nations to develop and enforce a comprehensive ban on irresponsible foot travel it will be too little, too late. The fate of our children depends on it!

  3. Elizabeth says:

    OMFG, the stoooooopid, it HURTS. *twitch, twitch,twitch*

    Clearly a product of elections that resemble a highschool popularity contest, and that unexplainable need far too many American’s have to not elect anyone who appears smarter than they are. (I do not understand it, and doubt I ever will.)

    • Elizabeth says:

      Also, I can’t believe the [insert appropriate rank here] kept a straight face and actually answered the question!

      • Shrimp says:

        I’d have searched the good Admiral Willard out, and bought him a case of his favorite single malt if he’d have laughed out loud and said something to the tune of, “Are you f*****g seriously suggesting that an island can capsize, you dimwitted f***tard? And I have to answer to dipsh*ts like you?”

        Yeah, that would be worth it. I mean, c’mon, my nine year old daughter knows better.

        The problem with some of these idiots in Congress is that no one tells them just how seriously stupid they are–either that, or someone has, and they’re too dense to grasp it. In Hank’s case, I suspect the latter.

  4. David says:

    Please … please tell me this is an April Fool’s joke. It must be edited. That sort of stupid will tear a hole in the space-time continuum. We are doomed.

  5. Steven says:

    argh, all the grammar problems made me miss it the first time around

    “least widest”

    wanna tear my hair out.

  6. crankylitprof says:

    A couple more facts:

    He replaced Cynthia McKinney (D-Venus and the outer planets).

    He has a motherfucking LAW DEGREE.

    He also apparently has Hep-C, which can, in fact, impair cognition.

    The inmates truly are running the asylum. We are so fucked.

    • Tam says:

      One year, back when I lived in the ATL, I moved from north suburban Fulton county to central urban Fulton county and went from being represented by Bob Barr to being represented by Cynthia McKinney.

      Twenty miles or twenty light years, depending on how you’re measuring things…

  7. Jeff says:

    I first heard this clip on the radio and assumed it was some doddering old fool (can you say Robert Byrd?). Turns out he is younger than me. Early Alzheiers? Dementia? Soused to the gills? No. He’s actually that stupid. And he has reproduced! TWICE!! Be afraid. Be very afraid. What the hell do the voters in his district look like? Clearly most of them would flunk a brain scan.

    The only good thing is that the hearing room is close to Bethesda Naval Hospital. That way the admiral could be treated promptly for the rupture he must have sustained from not bursting out laughing. The man deserves an Oscar for his acting ability or an extra star for tolerating this imbecile from Georgia.

    • Tam says:

      What the hell do the voters in his district look like?

      Yuppies. Urban poor. Artsy types, hippies, and metro-dwelling gays. My sister and her husband. Those kind of folks…

      • anonymous says:

        “Yuppies. Urban poor. Artsy types, hippies, and metro-dwelling gays….”

        Yes, and to the degree that they are not represented in the groups you mention…middle class black folks. Lots of them; more than a plurality, a majority of the electorate. And quite a few of them are apparently yaller dog or racist or both.

        Omission of that fact to avoid the appearance of racism, is in fact racist in and of itself.

        • Tam says:

          Omission of that fact to avoid the appearance of racism…

          Those are some amazing psychic friends you got there, Dionne Warwick.

        • anonymous says:

          Huh? Oh, PFN…got it.

          Yeah, that was an assumption and we know what they say about that, but I guess I was groping for a reason that you would answer what was asked with such specificity, and leave out the nearly all-encompassing common denominator.

          Not trying to be a dick, just trying to understand. Maybe you don’t consider it pertinent to the question, but it seems illogical to single out hippies and gays for such persistent stupid judgement in the disaster that is the post-gerrymandered 4th district without considering the influence of race.

          AT
          (sorry, forgot to initial that first one)

        • Marko Kloos says:

          “Stupid” is a race-transcending property, AT.

          Atlanta Urban Stupid likes to elect Stupid that looks like them. So does Alabama Country Stupid, or New York City Stupid. The skin color is incidental in each case, but the Stupid is the persistent property.

        • Tam says:

          it seems illogical to single out hippies and gays for such persistent stupid judgement in the disaster that is the post-gerrymandered 4th district without considering the influence of race.

          When I say “yuppies, urban poor, hippies, gays, and artsy types”, why do you automatically assume I mean “WHITE yuppies, urban poor, hippies, gays, and artsy types”?

        • anonymous says:

          I don’t, Tam: I said “…to the degree that they are not represented in the groups you mention…”

          The original question went directly to the makeup of the area electorate. Why do *you* assume that the majority of them are hippie, gay, artsy, etc.?

          Marko inadvertently nailed it…”Atlanta Urban Stupid likes to elect Stupid that looks like them. So does Alabama Country Stupid, or New York City Stupid.”

          That’s a fairly perfect definition of racism…except in ‘Bama and to some degree in NYC it’s called what it is without concerns that the PC police will come calling.

          And not calling it what it is in this case doesn’t change what it is…and in fact is a twisted racism all its own.

          AT

        • Tam says:

          Why do *you* assume that the majority of them are hippie, gay, artsy, etc.?

          Because I lived IP (that’s “Inside the Perimeter” to you non-ATLiens) from ~’90 to ’00?

          Maybe the demographic has changed since then, but there wasn’t much that I would have considered conventionally “middle class” inside I-285, since I reflexively view the term through my Ozzie & Harriet East Cobb upbringing.

        • Tam says:

          I’m also finding it interesting interested that you are focused, laser-like, on “artsy, hippie, and gay” and ignoring “yuppie” and “urban poor”, both demographics which vastly outnumber (while also slightly overlapping) the other three…

        • anonymous says:

          Anecdotal evidence from the front lines aside, the single factual majority demographic of the electorate is “black”.

          Since it is obvious that Mr. Johnson doesn’t fit most of your categories and unlikely that he fits any of them, those niche voters, if they voted their niche, could have individually played only an incidental role in his election.

          Nope, he sits where he sits, in spite of stunning “stupid”, for one reason only.
          His political competition (and his predecessors’) could have been Ghandi herself, and his election still was secure.

          Not because he is a yuppie, urban poor, an artsy type, a hippie, or a metro-dwelling gay, but because of what he looks like.

          Not unexpected, or even wrong if the belief is that his constituents needs and concerns would be his guide…and as Marko said, not unlike other places.

          But his election was due to who he is, not who he has become. He was elected because he is black. And that, pure and simple, is…well, you know what that is.

          AT

        • anonymous says:

          p.s.

          “laser-like”

          heh.

        • Tam says:

          Since it is obvious that Mr. Johnson doesn’t fit most of your categories and unlikely that he fits any of them, those niche voters, if they voted their niche…

          Those voter’s niche is leftist.

          Say Nacncy Pelosi and Thomas Sowell both decided to go carpetbagging in the 4th. Who do you think would win?

        • anonymous says:

          Those voter niches *are* leftist, and they and their national ilk are a fair chunk of the reason we got the 0 and his footmen (and footlady). But the niche that *counted the most* in the district at hand is the one that might pass on Mr. Sowell as a traitor or a tool of The Man, but would gladly put the cousin of the brother of the son of someone who once knew someone who marched with MLK into office when the other choice had credentials out the ying-yang related to actually, you know, intelligently managing a political post. AT

        • Tam says:

          Well, here’s where we reach the point of intractable disagreement:

          You see “race” as a demographic, whereas I see it as almost a footnote to an overarching “culture”.

          I believe that a lot of this disconnect is generational and geographical. I believe that someone’s political ideals and voting patterns here in early 21st-Century America are more determined by when they were born and where they live than any tenuous concept of “race”. The idea that someone would vote for someone whose ideas were out of synch with one’s own simply because they look like the voter is utterly odd and foreign to me, although I don’t believe that you can grasp my weltanschauung any more than I could truly grasp yours.

          For instance, I would vote for Sowell over Pelosi, even though she and I are both female Caucasians, whereas my white female neighbor is almost certain to not only vote, but actively campaign for, Andre Carson again this year, whereas I’d rather gargle crushed glass than see him in Congress for another term. Why is that?

        • anonymous says:

          Well, let’s get this out of the way first and foremost: if T. Sowell is running for something -anything- just show me where to sign on.

          And that’s the gist of the disconnect, isn’t it? You apparently believe that I would personally make my choice based on my own version of *racism*, and further, you think that I think that you would do the same in favor of your own isms.

          I wouldn’t, and since I’ve seen a lot more of your writings than you’ve seen of mine, I’ll forgive your making that assumption, which by the way, I absolutely would not make as to your own actual choices.

          Doesn’t alter the irrefutable fact that the dumb SOB that (was) the original subject of this post is where he is because of Marko’s recognized method of mass voter choice, or my characterizing your choosing not to recognize that wicked frailty a version of the same, or your impression that this whole exchange is based on a frailty of my own. I guess we’ll have to wait and see how future exchanges alter or reinforce those prejudgements.

          AT

        • anonymous says:

          “The idea that someone would vote for someone whose ideas were out of synch with one’s own simply because they look like the voter is utterly odd and foreign to me, although I don’t believe that you can grasp my weltanschauung any more than I could truly grasp yours.”

          I guess I took the first part of that (your non-grok of race-based politics), coupled with your belief that I just couldn’t understand that philosophy (thanks google translator; shit, talk about odd/foreign) to be just that implication. I’m glad it wasn’t.

        • Tam says:

          And that’s the gist of the disconnect, isn’t it? You apparently believe that I would personally make my choice based on my own version of *racism*…

          Show me where I even implied that.

        • anonymous says:

          um, see above…moved that button on me.

  8. Dr. Feelgood says:

    Johnson doesn’t scare me. He represents a steady shifting to the left of the bell curve for things like rudimentary knowledge and basic comprehension. Public schools scare me.

    If he thinks Guam is at risk from the Navy then I hope he never looks at how the Army uses Rock Island Arsenal. It’s made of rock, so it already has trouble staying afloat.

    Why didn’t you finish the Chew?

  9. BobG says:

    And this guy serves on the House Armed Services and Judiciary committees.

  10. Gene says:

    Surely this is an April Fool’s joke… I Googled and all these stories are from the last 12 hours. When was this hearing actually held?

  11. jbrock says:

    This morning, when I first read about this, I really hoped the guy was speaking metaphorically. After watching the video, I don’t think he’d know what a metaphor was if one swam up his peehole.

    Props to the Admiral for keeping a straight face.

  12. LabRat says:

    According to some, it IS a joke and he and Willard are in fact old friends who’ve used this routine before as a running gag.

  13. [...] 1, 2010 · Leave a Comment Heck, I wouldn’t trust this clown to make me a [...]

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  15. TimP says:

    I think I’m uncharismatic and a poor speaker, but, even ignoring the whole Guam tipping over bit, Johnson makes me look good, and he somehow managed to get elected to Congress?

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