a thing in which to haul around the stuff.

I just realized that I haven’t shown off my Father’s Day gift yet.

That’s a leather satchel from Far Horizon Traders.  I have been hauling around my writing stuff in a surplus canvas map case, which worked all right, but I’ve been on the lookout for a nicer writing satchel for a while.  My awesome wife saw me looking at these online, and got me this one as a surprise.  It’s made of pretty thick buffalo hide, the hardware is brass, and the bag is just the right size–big enough for a few notebooks, pen case, and an iPod, and not so big that you try and haul half the office around with you.

This one (the “Samarkand“) appealed to me the most because it has a sort of RenFaire medieval-y look to it, and it doesn’t look like your run-of-the-mill briefcase or laptop bag.

Did I mention my wife is made of unalloyed Awesome?

lament of the magic elf box.

Oh, hey, what’s up?  This is Marko’s computer.  Yeah, that new Mac mini he got from his wife a few months back.

Where is he?  Damifino.  Haven’t seen him around in a while.  A week or two ago, he had this sudden reorganizing fit, and he shoved me onto a shelf on the windowsill.  Three months old, shiny and new with most of my AppleCare warranty period left…you’d figure the guy wouldn’t get tired of looking at me any time soon, but there you have it.  He moved the monitor as well…just sort of kitty-cornered it on the edge of the desk.  Said he needed the space for his stupid writing, and that I wasn’t the main reason he’s sitting at that desk, anyway.  Can you believe it?

Here’s another thing: he doesn’t even keep me running all day, like he used to.  Checks his email and stuff over tea in the morning, and then just hits the power button again.  I mean, what’s the point of having me if he’s not going to surf the Internet all day?  And don’t get me started on those poor World of Warcraft characters of his.  I mean, I get to do some work for a few hours in the evening at least, but those guys are bored out of their skulls.  They’re just hanging around in some tavern in Azeroth, talking about all the monsters they’re going to kill, like a bunch of AD&D geeks.

So yeah, he’s either fixing stuff around the house, playing with the kids, or working on that novel of his.  Like that’s ever going to amount to anything.  Why can’t he spend his time sensibly, with me?

Anybody want to adopt me? I’m yearning to spend all day posting Facebook updates and playing MafiaFarmWars…

maybe ereaders don’t suck entirely.

So I got this little gadget a few days ago:

I know that I’ve been rather skeptical about the utility and value of dedicated ebook readers in the past.  After a few days of using this one (a Sony Reader Pocket Edition), I have to say that it’s mighty convenient.  You can pick up where you left off without having to worry about keeping your page, it’s much easier to read one-handed, and being able to carry around a few hundred paperbacks in a cargo pocket may come in handy during longer trips.

This one’s not a Kindle, so there’s no wireless downloading of books directly to the device.  You have to use Sony’s Reader Library software to access their ebook store, but the Sony supports all sorts of open standards.  I downloaded a ton of ebooks in .epub format from various places on the Intertubes, and transferring them to the Reader doesn’t even require the use of the software.  The Sony mounts on the desktop like a flash drive, and you can just drag the .epub files onto the storage directory.  It doesn’t have the bells and wistles of the Kindle or the nook, but it’s also much easier to pocket, a little more robust, half as expensive, and nobody *coughamazon* will be able to reach in remotely and mess with my stuff.

Now, I’m not about to get rid of the paper library, but I guess the ereader idea isn’t completely silly.  I’m enjoying this one, and may even start buying books for it if I can’t get a hold of the paper version quickly at my local bookstore.  I’ve been mostly on my back the last few days thanks to a visit from the Sciatica Fairy, and so far, I’ve read two novels on the Sony–John Scalzi’s “Agent to the Stars”, and Naomi Novik’s “His Majesty’s Dragon”.  (Further proof that ebooks drive sales of paper books: I liked “His Majesty’s Dragon” so much that I ordered the rest of the Temeraire series on paper.)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some pills to pop, and then I’ll continue following the exploits of a certain fantasy heroine.  (Bonus geek points if you can name the book from the chapter excerpt on the screen in the picture.)

monday search term safari XCVII.

what are the best cows for butchering

The best cows for butchering are the kind made of meat.  You should avoid butchering cows made out of the following substances: wood, brick, Styrofoam, fiberglass, bronze, potassium nitrate.

“copyright infringement is theft”

Of course it is.  You’re taking something that was created by someone else, and using it without permission or compensation.  If that’s done often enough by enough people, sooner or later the people who actually make the stuff will say, “You know what?  Fuck this.  I can’t pay my mortgage or feed my kids.  I’m going to stop this writing nonsense and become a Starbucks barrista.”

In addition to the “theft” angle, it always boggles my mind how someone can pass off someone else’s work as theirs, and not feel like a complete fraud inside.

munchkin wrangler ipad

So far, I’ve resisted the siren song of the iPad.  I’m holding out for iPad 2.0, which–if it follows the rest of the Apple hardware revision cycles–will have twice the capacity and 50% better battery life for the same price, plus a few new features that’ll make the 1.0 adopters all go, “Oh, come on!”

cleaning small apple bluetooth’ keyboard

It’s a flat slab of aluminum, and the keys don’t stand very high.  Just wiping it down with a moist rag will do the job fine, unless you routinely eat barbecue ribs while typing emails, or get on the computer right after changing the oil in the truck.

writing novels with the alphasmart neo

The Neo is pretty much the best first draft banger-outer you can buy.  It won’t distract you with the Intertubes, it forces you to write ahead instead of editing your paragraphs endlessly, and it frees you from the outlet because the batteries last a year or more of regular use.

how to run a barb wire fence

I’ve actually done that in the military.  Here’s how you put up the razor wire kind:  you put on some heavy-duty gloves, unfasten the coil of barbed wire, and then string it out on the ground.  Don’t forget to stop every five feet to curse loudly, pull off a glove, and suck on your bloody digits.  After you’re finished, take off your shredded clothes and throw them away.

did dachsunds come from rodents

As any dachshund owner will readily testify, that’s simply impossible when you consider the dachsie’s rather less than friendly disposition toward rodents.  Family reunions would be bloody massacres.

sigourney weaver with a tommy gun

Sigourney Weaver doesn’t much care for guns, but even she had to resort to gun violence when it was clear that aggression therapy and anti-social behaviour orders weren’t doing a thing to keep the xenomorphs from biting into people’s skulls.  The M-41A pulse rifle wielded by her character Ripley was made from a Thompson M-1 and a Remington 870 shotgun, dressed up with lots of plastic cowling.

fishers a danger to dogs

Well, yeah.  You’re talking about a weasel, which pound for pound is one of the meanest and most ferocious animals on Earth.  A big dog can probably hold his own against a fisher cat, but anything in the same weight class (~15 pounds) or only slightly above will be in danger of getting mauled or killed.

all s&w model 66 handguns with 2.5 inch

The Model 66 also comes with 4″, 6″, and the highly desirable 3″ barrels.  If you ever see a 3″ M66 anywhere, buy it, for you will have found a righteous and rare boomstick, the gun equivalent of Excalibur.

remove desktop power supply

That’s actually fairly easy.  Disconnect the power plug, open the case, and look for a box-like thingy with lots of colorful cables coming out of it.  (It’s where the other end of the power cord plugs into the computer.)  Follow the colorful cables down to the (usually green) main circuit board of the PC, and carefully disconnect them.  Then you can undo the four screws that hold the power supply in the case from the outside, and pull the whole thing out of the case.  All the connectors go into labeled spots on the motherboard, and the important ones are all keyed so you can’t connect them the wrong way.  Takes about 5 minutes, and you won’t have to haul the PC over to Best Buy and let the Geek Squad guys charge you $50 for the job.

piccadilly primo

The Primos have very nice 100gsm paper that’s very fountain pen-friendly.  I had a small stash of them, but sold them off because while the paper and the elastic around the book are better than the straight Moleskine clones of their standard notebook line, the soft cover didn’t work for me, and they don’t come in unlined paper, which is my preference these days.

+avatar +plot +dumb

It’s not so much that the plot is dumb, it’s that it’s insultingly preachy, and lifted wholesale from another movie to boot.  Just Google “Pocahontas synopsis”, replace “John Smith” with “Jake Sully”, “Pocahontas” with “Neytiri”, make the Indians ten feet tall and blue, and put the whole thing into space.

ruger deerslayer .44 suppressed

I’ve seen pictures of one with a suppressor.  Supposedly, it’s about as quiet as an air rifle while still retaining the stomp of the .44 Magnum.  Inside of 200 yards, it’s enough to turn off the lights on most anything you’re likely to bump into in the woods, unless you live in Alaska and have 1,000-pound hairy neighbours with voracious appetites for salmon and hippie hikers.  (I kid on that last part.  The grizzly doesn’t relish the granola.)  All kidding aside, the Deerslayer is simply awesome for the clandestine removal of whitetail deer who have cheated you on a drug deal.

###

There you go–the search term bucket has refilled a little in the last two weeks.  Hope it makes your Monday more bearable, the knowledge that you once again used up all my natural resources.  Now back to “work”, and don’t think I don’t know exactly that you’ll be checking Facebook and playing Solitaire until right about five minutes before lunchtime…

before i forget…

It doesn’t matter if your children are yours by birth, adoption, or simply mutual affection and understanding.  What matters is that you stand your post every day, rain or shine, good days and bad ones, and that hearing and saying “I love you” never gets old.

To all you guys out there who have chosen to take on the job of Dad, the toughest job a man can have:

Happy Father’s Day.

reason #213,188 my wife rocks.

Check out what the UPS dude dropped off today:

That, friends and neighbors, is a box of haggis.  Twelve cans of premium lamb haggis from Caledonian Kitchen, almost eleven pounds in total.  My dear wife ordered it last weekend without telling me about it.  If I hadn’t eaten dinner already, and if I had rutabagas in the house, I’d have some right now, and wash it down with a good single malt.

(Haggis-hating heretics, you may hold your tongues.  This stuff confers superpowers, like being able to drink lethal amounts of Scotch, and kill English invaders by the job lot.)

the cheeky little minivan.

This afternoon, I was giving the minivan a long-overdue cleaning.  While I was vacuuming the Grand Marnier, the kids were playing around on the seats, pretending the car was Thomas the Tank Engine.

At some point, Quinn asked me if we could paint the van to look like Thomas.  You know you’re approaching critical limits of parental sanity when you consider such a request, and your brain finds no objections.

If I end up giving the Grand Marnier a custom paint job, I’ll complete the slide into madness by cranking the Thomas & Friends theme song from the stereo at top volume every time we go out for groceries.

While we’re on the subject of large, boring family vehicles: the Dodge has only a few more payments on it.  Current mile count: 65,000-ish.  Major mechanical failures: none.  Minor mechanical failures: one inoperable passenger window lifter, surfaced three days after taking delivery back in 2005, fixed under warranty.  All major and most minor parts still firmly attached, and working as intended.  The A/C needs to be recharged, but that’s about it.  Considering my previous experience with Dodge products (see also: The Dodge Avenger Disaster, or This Fucking Piece of Shit Is Trailing Parts Like Some Sort Of Fucked-Up Comet, A Lamentation in Three Volumes), that’s downright amazing.

Anyway…now I need to find a paint shop that can mix Pantone 298-299, and some place where I can get the raw materials for a fake funnel and some traction rods.  The little engineer wants his conveyance properly customized, you see.

taking out the trash, again.

Ronnie Lee Gardner has a date with five men and their .30-30 lever-action rifles tonight at 2AM at the Utah State Prison in Draper.

Ronnie Lee Gardner doesn’t want to die, and has launched some last-minute appeals to the U.S. Supreme Court.

While I can understand Ronnie Lee Gardner’s motivation–dying is a most un-fun affair, from all I know about it, and people generally want as little to do with it as possible–my sympathy is tempered by the following factors:

• Ronnie shot and killed two people in the 1980s.  One was a bartender named Melvyn Otterstrom, and the other was an attorney named Michael Burdell.
• Neither of those men wanted to die, either.
• Neither Mr. Burdell nor Mr. Otterstrom got to launch any appeals before being shot by Ronnie Gardner.
• Neither Mr. Burdell nor Mr. Otterstrom got to spend 25 years getting three squares a day and family visits before Ronnie Gardner pulled the trigger on them.

I don’t want to make it sound like I’m a big cheerleader for the death penalty.  I don’t trust the state to fairly and impartially issue parking tickets, much less mete out that sort of punishment.  However, some people just don’t get me all that worked up at the prospect of their forced permanent excision from society, much like I don’t get upset about a homicidal pitbull getting put to sleep.  Ronnie Gardner forfeited his rights and privileges as a member of society the moment he killed another for fun or profit, and tonight at 2AM, the bill comes due.

remember when we ordered stuff from paper catalogues?

Being connected to a worldwide network of instant information is a curse as often as it’s a blessing, especially for the stay-at-home writer type who is easily distrac…OOH SHINY.

One hugely positive aspect of the Tubes, however, is the vastly improved shopping.  Just now, the UPS truck dropped off a case of Black Raspberry preserves and honey habanero mustard.  The preserves are from a place called Dillman Farm in Indiana–their black raspberry stuff has been our favorite jelly for years now, and it’s well worth the $6 per jar.  All that tasty goodness, trucked in from Indiana, and delivered right to our doorstep in rural New Hampshire, with no driving around or lifting of boxes involved on my part.

Shopping for more expensive stuff like electronics?  That’s even better–not just because you can comparison-shop, but because just about every online retailer features customer reviews for their individual products, actual user opinions and experiences rather than optimistic marketing copy.  When I had to replace the fried Linksys router, I had originally planned to pick up a basic Belkin, but after reading a ton of very negative reviews on the very model I had in mind, I chose a Netgear router instead that had much more favorable user opinions.  From the privacy and convenience of my desk, I can comparison-shop, read up on actual user experiences, and then order the item from my retailer of choice, to be delivered at the speed I choose.  If the item doesn’t work, I can box it up again and send it back the same way–no time-wasting trips back to the store necessary.

Yes, it does make one spoiled, but Intertubes shopping is a gigantic time- and money-saver.  For some things, I prefer brick-and-mortar stores, because some stuff you just have to touch and try to see if it works for you.  For most commodity items, when you know exactly what you’re going to get and how it’s going to work out, the Great Link is the superior shopping experience by far.

Of course, the utility of the Internet would be greatly enhanced if I could also get all the essentials shipped directly to my door.  Maybe one glorious day, when the regulatory beast has choked on its own tail, we’ll have a more Probability Broach-like capitalist frontier where I can purchase a new belt-fed automatic weapon, a case of good rum, a shed-sized nuclear reactor (“For True Energy Independence!“), a dozen sticks of dynamite, a box of Cuban cigars, and a hundred grams of pharmaceutical-grade Colombian marching powder…and have them all arrive on the UPS truck two days later.

and this is why we have the internets.

I’m reasonably confident the following sentence from this news article has never been used before, and will most likely never be used again:

A German student “mooned” a group of Hell’s Angels and hurled a puppy at them before escaping on a stolen bulldozer.

If you can read that combination of words without your Weird-Shit-O-Meter pegging a fair amount, you’ve seen some really bizarre stuff in your lifetime.