criminal masterminds, part XIV.

Two dumbasses from Iowa decided to burglarize a home. Their cunning disguise?
Painting their faces with black marker.
Personally, I think the cherry on the icing of that particular Stupid Cake is the fact that they used permanent black marker.

of unintended consequences.

One of the side effects of Senator Kennedy’s death has been the metaphorical pee-pee dance in which the Massachusetts House Democrats have engaged.  With Kennedy’s Senate seat unfilled, they’re looking to pass a law that lets the governor pick an interim replacement for the job, so MA won’t have just half its Senate votes in [...]

oops…i seem to have forgotten my spike strips in the road by accident.

This just seems like a bad idea all around:
Durham, NC neighborhood threatens speed limit enforcement with paintball guns.
While I can sympathize with the parents living in that neighborhood (and trust me, my inner teenager is bouncing up and down with glee at the thought of hosing down some 60-in-a-25-speeder’s Mustang with .68-caliber Day-Glo orange paintballs [...]

the sock drawer is not “secure storage”.

Sad news item of the morning:
Three-year-old CA girl shoots and kills her younger brother after finding a loaded .45 under her parents’ bed.
Let’s reiterate for a moment:
Guns and small children Do. Not. Mix.  If you have little kids and firearms in the house at the same time, you must keep one away from the other.  [...]

have you stopped beating your spouse yet?

The NH House has recently passed a gay marriage bill.  If the governor doesn’t veto it, or if he refuses to sign it, NH will become the fourth state in the United States where same-sex couples can legally marry.
Here’s something that bothers me.  The opponents of gay marriage often cite the public opposition to such [...]

an interesting definition of the standard.

The ballsiest piece of comment spam caught by the WordPress filter in a long time:
Yooo..
I kno it has nothing to do with what you wrote, but have you ever heard of <URL removed> . They seems to promise free ringtones
PS. Dont be an ass, this is NOT spam

Uhm…yes.  Clearly, I’m the ass here.

yo quiero kevlar vest.

Here’s a recent incident from Tennessee:
Man shoots neighbor’s Chihuahua.
Cliff Notes: Elderly woman lets her dog out of the house one day, and her cul-de-sac neighbor shoots it through the eye when it comes onto his property unleashed.
Killing dogs–there’s another subject that’s almost as polarizing as religion, as reading through the comment thread of that news [...]

self-righteous thuggery.

The Somali pirates are good and ticked off about the forced demise of their comrades.
That article ticks me off, especially the last paragraph, which details the pirates’ peculiar definition of the word “aggression”:
“The killing of our boys was aggression, and the U.S. will see what they get from their operation,” he said.

Oh, so climbing up [...]

hunting the fail whale.

Last night, I said on Twitter:
Good thing government bailed out the whaling industry in the late 19th century. Where would we get lamp oil now?
If government in the 1800s had handled the whaling industry like they’re now handling the car and financial industries, we’d have the tenth generation of whalers on Nantucket right now, collecting [...]

quo vadis, republicans?

Note to Conservatives:
When the former governor of Massa-fuckin’-chusetts, the blow-dried RINO Mitt Romney, is your pick for standard bearer of the conservative cause, you can pretty much count on getting your balls kicked all the way up to your ears in the next mid-term and Presidential elections.
And, Republican base? The fact that you consider [...]