monday search term safari VII.

fertilizer bang

Uh oh.  That’s the kind of search term that may get you attention from the folks at the NSA and DHS.  Ideally, you should use fertilizer only to fertilize stuff.  Any uses involving a bang are probably not conducive to your continued liberty and un-waterboarded-ness.

boeing vs airbus how to tell the difference

If the tail snaps off when the pilot vigorously steps into the rudder pedals, it’s an Airbus.  If the plane rolls over hard and then crashes because of a rudder stuck at maximum deflection, it’s a Boeing.


I think that ticket is out of the question.  I have the impression that Obama wants to keep heading his own ticket.


German “fast food” joints found in every town and city.  The Frittenbude is the source of such delicacies as currywurst, gyros pita, Halber Hahn, beer, and of course Fritten (fries).  Germans don’t call ’em “french fries”, by the way, although the sudden urge to go to the Pommesbude and have some Fritten Rot-Weiss (with ketchup and mayonnaise) is almost as irresistible as the occasional urge to go visit France and rename it “Germany”.

danger of porn

If you watch too much of it, it makes the Baby Jesus cry, or something.  Plus, you’re going to hell.  That’s right….80% of the internet involves naked chicks/guys and the rubbing of various parts, so if you have a computer hooked up to Satan’s Own Data Highway, it’s a pretty safe bet that you’re on the express elevator to Beelzebub’s basement condo.

sarah palin

She’s the governor of Alaska, and her approval rating is consistently in the 80s and 90s, which makes her not only the most popular governor in the country, but also the most popular elected official in American politics.  Plus, she’s a bit of a babe, which is a rare thing among politicians.

how to fix mugabe

There’s nothing wrong with Mugabe that a hundred and sixty grains of copper-jacketed lead administered to the cranium at high speed can’t fix.

“four weapons combat master”

An impressive title, but not quite as impressive as my Six Condiment Sandwich Master.

what not to say to a state trooper

“Back off, Barney…I’m packing.”

“I, uh, work for an Italian restaurant chain.  The two hundred pounds of green stuff in the trunk is really oregano.”

“I’ll have a large #1 with Diet Coke, please.”

astrology hayward fault

No, no, no…the “-ology” you’re looking for is called geology.  The Hayward Fault is what the city of Berkeley sits on, and when the next Big One hits, it’ll serve the same function as those perforated lines on a roll of paper towels.  After the quake, it’ll be known as Hayward Beach.

how big is an infantry platoon

It depends on the branch of service and the particular unit.  Usually, a platoon in the U.S. Army is made up of four squads of nine.  In the Marines, a rifle platoon is three squads of thirteen.  Generally, a platoon is between thirty and fifty strong.

fbi sidearm 2008

Glock 22 or Glock 23, depending on the preference of the individual agent.  That’s new issue, mind you…some agents carry grandfathered weapons that were previously issued, such as the SIG P228.

gears used by robbers

When driving away from a robbery, they probably start in first gear and work their way rapidly up to fourth, fifth, or sixth gear, depending on the transmission setup of the getaway car.

proper way to serve bratwurst

Take a crusty roll, slice it in half, and put the bratwurst between the two halves.  Serve on a paper plate or in a  paper napkin.  Fancy, those Germans, aren’t they?

Tune in again next Monday for a new round of Search Term Safari!

15 thoughts on “monday search term safari VII.

  1. divemedic says:

    “the occasional urge to go visit France and rename it ‘Germany’.”

    hahaha! Pure gold!

  2. ajdshootist says:

    I thought France was just Lower Germany!

  3. Ted says:

    WOW, talk about Sarah Palin being a “rare thing among politicians”, take a look at this new on YouTube —

  4. Tam says:


    You’ve outdone yourself today.

  5. MarkHB says:

    “Back off Barney, I’m packing” needs a beverage warning. The “rename” gag is a classic.

  6. rocinante says:

    “Satan’s Own Data Highway”

    Heh. Not to be confused with Santa’s Own Data Highway.

  7. rocinante says:

    “Usually, a platoon in the U.S. Army is made up of four squads of nine. ”

    Has this changed recently? Back in ’04, four squads of nine was a *light* infantry platoon, with all other infantry platoons (regular infantry, airborne, air assault, Ranger, etc.) five squads of nine, the difference being that the light infantry platoon does not have a heavy weapons squad.

    Inquring minds, etc.,

  8. Cepik says:

    Great edition!

    I never heard the term “frittenbude” but I remember the fritten at the Gasthaus in PicklieB(ss)em; piping hot and covered with the mushroom gravy that was also generously applied to the hocksteak (sp?).

    Bratwurst . . . the best was at a little stand in Wittlich, near plaza where they had the Pigfest. Good Brat, Good Weizen beir, Good shrooms (the sauteed ones not the psychedelic ones). . . . overall, good times.

    Oh dude, I made that carrot cake (that was tagged to the thread of your daugthers birthday) . . . excellent, excellent cake. I don’t do pralines so I left the filling stuff out but the cake and especially the icing were great!

  9. theflatwhite says:

    Monday search term safari: NOW with 56% more snark.
    Very nice.

  10. Rob says:

    “Has this changed recently? Back in ‘04, four squads of nine was a *light* infantry platoon, with all other infantry platoons (regular infantry, airborne, air assault, Ranger, etc.) five squads of nine, the difference being that the light infantry platoon does not have a heavy weapons squad.”

    I’ve only been doing the Army thing since 1993, but I’ve never seen an Army infantry platoon with five squads.

    In ’04 a light infantry platoon had three squads of nine and two, two-man machine gun teams; a “leg”, airborne or air assault platoon had three squads of nine and an eight-man weapons squad; a ranger platoon had three squads of nine and three, three-man machine gun teams; a mech platoon (M113) had four squads each with seven dismounts and a mech platoon (M2) had three squads of nine dismounts; and a Stryker platoon had three squads of nine and a seven-man weapons squad.

  11. Kristopher says:

    The chance of earth quakes rise precipitously when the moon is in Sagittarius.

    ( Thunk … falls over with arrow in gut )

  12. ATLien says:

    Weird. when i was in Germany last, everyone just called them “pommes”.

    ANd the WORST thing say to a cop is this exchange:

    Polizei: “Sir do you know that the speed limit here is 45?”

    Me: “Well, that can’t be right, cause i’ve gone much faster than that on this road”

  13. dr mac says:

    What not to say to a state trooper:

    1- “Here’s the keys shorty and don’t put a scratch on it”

    2- “I only had one beer but those valuims sure do pack a punch”

    3- “This delay is going to mean I really have to drive fast”

  14. Don Meaker says:

    That ain’t the way they serve bratwust at the Nurnburger Bratworst Glockl.

    Little, finger thin buggers served in groups of a dozen. Yum.

    Extra points if you can guess what city said establishment is located.

  15. Avenger29 says:

    Well, Sarah Palin is hot. Makes me want to move to Alaska.

    Why couldn’t SHE be the republican nominee instead of McCain?

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