monday search term safari XXVI.

dish satellite problems connection speed

High latency (700+ milliseconds at a minimum), slower than advertised download speeds, and signal loss in bad weather are common problems.  There’s a reason why satellite Internet is only bought by people whose only alternative is the good old 56k phone line.

toddlers playing with guns

Really not a good idea.  Come on, do you really need to search the Internet to help you figure out that guns and toddlers are not a good mix?  Does the total absence of inside-the-diaper holsters or publications like Tactical Playground not clue you in?  (“Swing Set Bullies–Your .45-caliber Solution!”)

roger waters american citizen

Roger Waters is a British citizen, which is why he really doesn’t have any business using his U.S. concerts for Obama vote prodding.  I mean, can you imagine the outrage if some American singer held a bunch of concerts in the UK, and actively prodded his audience to vote for a certain party in the UK elections?

warning about navy boot camp

Navy boot camp is part of the process that turns you from a civilian into a U.S. Navy sailor.  The United States Navy is part of the military, which goes out and fights wars.  When you enlist in the military, you may actually be expected to participate in the fighting.  Fighting sometimes leads to injury and/or death, and is generally unpleasant.

(I’m just pointing that out for the benefit of those people who enlist, and who are then shocked to find out that military service is not just standing around in uniforms and collecting money for college.)

bad stream of consciousness worst novels

This might be literary heresy, but I’m not terrifically impressed with Ulysses and Catcher in the Rye.

“well of ascension” “free ebook”

The Well of Ascension is the second book of Brandon Sanderson’s “Mistborn” trilogy.  The first one is available as a free ebook, but not the second and third, for much the same reason as your neighborhood independent pharmaceutical merchant offering the first hit for free.

dobermanporn

You, sir or madam, win this week’s Weird Fetish Award.

i want royalties for the bible

The problem with that is the multitude of other authors you’d have to wrestle for royalties, seeing how the whole thing was written by a lot of different people.  Also, legally speaking, the Bible is Public Domain now, and has been for a long time.  (The writer in me does, however,  get indecently excited about the magnitude of the potential bi-annual royalty checks for a book that’s been on the bestseller lists since Gutenberg cranked out the first print copy.)

sword fighting tutorial katana -youtube

You cannot learn physical fighting skills of any variety just by watching a video or reading a book.  Anyone who claims otherwise has something to sell (probably a video or a book.)

absinthe legalized in new hampshire

Well, the absinthe in our liquor cabinet was purchased at a NH state liquor store, so I guess it’s safe to say that it’s legal to buy here in the Live Free Or Die state.

drawbacks of popular vote?

If you win the popular vote, and still lose the General Election by count of Electoral College votes, your supporters will whine their heads off for the next four years and annoy the living shit out of those of us who actually understand how the  system works.

clean my kidneys please

Well, send them to me in a cooler, include a check for a few hundred bucks, and I’ll chuck ’em into the wash on cold/cold with my socks.  Don’t forget to include a return address. (Dialysis not included.  9% NH prepared food service tax applies.)

14 thoughts on “monday search term safari XXVI.

  1. theflatwhite says:

    drawbacks of popular vote?
    Nice. Very nice.

    And, heresies aside, Catcher in the Rye is one of the worst collections of tripe ever foisted on English readers. Hear hear.

  2. Blackwing1 says:

    My socks get washed hot/warm, with a little bleach (stinky feet).

    I’m pretty sure that a kidney in need of cleaning could also use a little bleach. Just be sure that you don’t put it in the dryer…unless you’re trying to clean the kidneys of alcohol, in which case “drying them out” might be an option.

  3. OrangeneckInNY says:

    Roger Waters is an idiot. He emigrated to the U.S. awhile back because he, being a hunter, didn’t like the gun bans they imposed over in England. He actually lives out here with me on Long Island in an exclusive hoity toity area known as the North Woods out in the Hamptons. All this time, I thought he was smart for leaving England for here, but it goes to show that he who does not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. It’s ironic that his “Pink Floyd: The Wall” album rails against fascism and intolerance, but here he goes, getting into the tank with Obama. Brilliant, moron.

  4. OrangeneckInNY says:

    Clarification: I don’t live in hoity toity-ville where Waters lives. I meant that he and I both live on Long Island.

  5. LittleRed1 says:

    What self respecting Doberman would fool around with the type of person who’s looking for that on the internet anyway? Those dogs are far too professional to hold truck with that sort of nonsense, IMHO.

  6. Kristopher says:

    I’ll be voting for Arthas Menethil in 2008.

    “Braaaaaiins……..”

  7. LabRat says:

    HEAR HEAR. James Joyce was the most steaming pile of shit ever foisted on me as an English student, and Salinger is only better by virtue of not needing six footnotes per page to be comprehensible to any reader that is not, in fact, the author.

  8. Crucis says:

    Oh! For a moment, I thought you were speaking of Henry James—who also wrote trash under the guise of literature.

  9. mts says:

    I’m just pointing that out for the benefit of those people who enlist, and who are then shocked to find out that military service is not just standing around in uniforms and collecting money for college.

    When I was in the Army when Gulf War I broke out, I was amazed at the number of fellow soldiers who about soiled their pants with the prospect that they might actually have to go out and get shot at. They weren’t expecting that at all. They thought they’d join, party up Germany, then go home and burn through the College Fund.

    But I was the bad guy for asking them, “What. did. you. think. you. were. bound. to. do. when. you. signed. up. for. a. time. in. the. MILITARY?!!!” I signed up knowing what I was in for, and what was possible. Sorry to say, they signed up for glorified Welfare. The thought of them having my back in battle made me want to puke. Luckily, we were never tested.

  10. Tam says:

    Well, the absinthe in our liquor cabinet was purchased at a NH state liquor store, so I guess it’s safe to say that it’s legal to buy here in the Live Free Or Die state.

    Does your state have a Secretary of Irony?😉

  11. Sigivald says:

    The Bible’s public domain only in old translations and the original Greek and Aramaic.

    A new translation? Totally copyrightable.

  12. John says:

    Janis Joplin votes Obama, did you know?

  13. Nedda says:

    ” There’s a reason why satellite Internet is only bought by people whose only alternative is the good old 56k phone line. ”

    56k? Ha! That would be twice as fast as what I have right now…

  14. Phil says:

    Sigivald is correct (been out of town, so this is the first I’ve seen this post).

    Copyright laws apply to the Bible just as they apply to any other written work. Old versions like the King James Version are in the public domain, which is why they are the versions of choice for free handouts, despite the archaic wording and substandard translations (it is based on some sketchy manuscripts, newer versions have much broader manuscript support). KJV is simply cheaper, since you only have to pay printing costs- no royalties. Newer versions, like the New International Version or other translations, do require royalties to be paid (to Zondervan in the case of the NIV) to reprint excerpts greater than a given amount of the text.

    Bible translation is long work if you are trying to make one that is readable and accurate; I don’t blame folks who want to get paid for that.

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