a brazen bit of thievery.

SCENE: The parking lot of a fast food joint, NIGHT TIME.  In the lot, a rusted Chevy Blazer, with attached trailer.  On the trailer is a Russian Orthodox Church, complete with gold dome.  Pulled up behind the Chevy is a police cruiser.  We watch as the OFFICER gets out of his cruiser, and shakes his head with a sigh as he walks up to the driver’s side of the Chevy.  The driver is a SHIFTY DUDE.

OFFICER

Do you have any idea why I pulled you over?

SHIFTY DUDE

Naw, man.  I’m just mindin’ my own business here.

OFFICER

You want to explain to me what you’re doing at 2AM in the Kaptain Krabby’s parking lot, pulling a trailer with an entire Orthodox church on it?  Where’d you get that church, man?

SHIFTY DUDE turns around, and acts as if he’s seeing the hundred-foot tall Russian Orthodox Church on the trailer attached to his Chevy Blazer for the first time.

SHIFTY DUDE

Aw, man, that’s not even my church.  I have no idea how that got there.  Sumdood musta put it there when I was taking a piss at the Seven-Eleven a few miles back, I swear.

OFFICER (sighs)

Please turn off your engine, and step out of the car, sir.

SHIFTY DUDE (conspiratorially)

Look, how about I just ditch the church in the dumpster out back, and you just forget about the whole thing?  I got some icons in the trunk that, you know, I don’t really need any more, and someone could probably get some good money at Slick Eddie’s…

OFFICER (pretends to stick fingers in ears)

La-la-la…I’m not listening!  You did so not try to bribe me just now, man.  Get out of the car, and we’ll sort it out back at County.

(sarcastically)

Maybe we can try to give Sumdood a call and tell him to come claim the church he misplaced.

SHIFTY GUY, resigned to his fate, steps out of the car, gets handcuffed and frisked, and placed in the back of the cruiser.  As the OFFICER closes the rear door, he looks up at the Orthodox church and scratches his head underneath the patrol cap.

OFFICER

Man, that’s going to be a shitload of paperwork for Evidence.

5 thoughts on “a brazen bit of thievery.

  1. mts says:

    Every time I think Sumdood has outdone himself, he surprises me yet again. It makes me wonder how much they paid the forestmeister to look the other way. Someone had to notice.

  2. Lissa says:

    Take my church.

    Please.

    No, seriously, that’s amazing.

  3. easilylost says:

    Someday, I sure would like to meet up with sumdood. Think about how many crimes he’s gotten away with. Amazing absolutely amazing.

  4. ditto says:

    So did sumdood leave any of the little churh goers in the church?
    That would be kidnapping, I think.

  5. mts says:

    Yeah, how did Sumdood pull it off without a gang of 300 pound Russian Babushka grandmothers smothering and crushing him to death under their collective weight? They’re as “take no prisoners” about their Church as the nuns in the West.

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