monday search term safari XXIX.

writing in first person-past or present

It depends on the story, really.  For some things, present tense works really well, and other things flow better in past tense.  My work in progress is written in present tense…I tried rewriting the first chapter in past tense, but I found that it took all the immediacy out of the narrative.  I’ve written other stuff in first person/past tense that would read positively dreadful in present tense.  Try writing the same thing in both forms, and you’ll know which one works better for your story.

ashley dupre

A pure Jersey Shore Douchebagguette.  (Definition courtesy of CrankyProf.)  She’s the high-dollar hooker favored by Eliot Spitzer, former governor of NY.  All things considered, however, I’d still rather have her over for dinner than him.  At least she made an honest living.

"laptop for writing a novel"

I know I’ve been pimping the Alphasmart Neo in the past, and it’s still my mobile typewriter of choice when I’m away from an outlet for more than a couple of hours.  For first drafts, the Neo rocks.  For organizing and editing that first draft into a complete novel, however, there’s no better tool for the trade than a MacBook loaded with a copy of Scrivener.  Once you’ve gotten used to the power and flexibility of Scrivener, going back to a strict word processor like MS Word feels like having to type with oven mitts while wearing blinders.

world of warcraft i don’t have high speed internet

The system requirements for WoW include a high-speed connection, sorry.  You can sort-of, kind-of play the game over dial-up if you don’t mind a lag of five or ten seconds, but the first time they update the game and make you download a patch of several hundred megabytes, you’ll be packing it in with that 56k connection.

what is a "holster sniffer"

A holster sniffer is the kind of guy who hangs around cops a lot.  They usually don’t qualify for the job themselves, and often have “cop-like” jobs that ideally involve a uniform of some sort, or (best case scenario) a shiny badge: mall cop, security guard, or something similar.

marko kloos defense of revolver

That’s an article I wrote for Dillon’s Blue Press.  It’s in the December 2008 edition, which you can read here.  (The article is on pages 60 and 61.)

10mm auto broom handle mauser

Broomhandle Mausers are chambered in 7.63mm Mauser, 9mm Luger, or .45 ACP.  (There are also some chambered in 9mm Mauser Export, but those are very rare.)  Technically, the C96’s layout is spacious enough to accommodate the 10mm Auto, but that’s a very high pressure cartridge that’s notoriously hard on platforms, and the Broomhandle’s locking system is probably not beefy enough for it.  You’d also have problems finding a barrel, since none of the factory Mauser barrels have the right bore for 10mm Auto. 

reuben sucks

Hold your heretic tongue, infidel.  The Reuben is the Apex Sandwich on the deli menu.

1800s style of dairy entry

In the 1800s, they probably walked into a dairy through the front door, or maybe the delivery gate.

ruger sp101 pocket carry

The SP101 is known as the “chubby snubby”.  It’s entirely possible to carry one in the pocket, providing you are a big guy who wears loose-fitting pants with really deep pockets, and you replace the sticky and bulky factory grips with some boot grips made of smooth wood.

landing in cross wind

You land a plane in a crosswind by crabbing and slipping.  Crabbing means you turn the nose into the wind, keep the wings level, and maintain the angle that keeps your plane aligned with the centerline of the runway.  Just before touchdown, you perform a slip—you step into the rudder pedal opposite the wind direction to straighten out the nose of the aircraft, and give it some aileron input in the opposite direction of the rudder to keep your aircraft from drifting.  Try putting the aircraft down on the upwind main gear first, and then the downwind gear.  Crosswind landings are tricky, and doubly so with a taildragger.

badger animal starts with a m

Molverine.  They’re common in Minnesota and Michigan.  In Wisconsin, they’re called Wolverines, and in Quebec…you guessed it. 

how to make a awesome history project

An awesome history project would be to travel back in time, collect Billy the Kid, Socrates, Beethoven, Genghis Khan, Sigmund Freud, Abe Lincoln, Joan of Arc, and Napoleon Bonaparte, and have them help you do a totally awesome history report in the school auditorium.


That’s the take for this week, friends and neighbors.  Don’t forget to set your calendars for next Monday’s edition of Search Term Safari! 


10 thoughts on “monday search term safari XXIX.

  1. “The SP101 is known as the “chubby snubby”. It’s entirely possible to carry one in the pocket, providing you are a big guy who wears loose-fitting pants…”

    a recipe for embarrassment, my friend…practice by carrying a shotput around in your pocket and note how quickly those “loose fitting pants” work their way down the curved underbelly of the typical “big guy” and ultimately to the knees…

    if you’re gonna do this, try to keep at least one hand free to constantly hitch up your pants, or at the very least wear some decent boxers…i know of whence i speak.


  2. TattooedIntellectual says:

    “Badger animal starts w/ a m”

    Perhaps a marten. Both are in the Mustelidae Family, although they don’t really look anything alike, or occupy the same ecological niche.

    On second thought, maybe your answer was better 🙂

  3. Tam says:

    Don’t forget epaulets, a distinctive trait of holster sniffers as well as the fearless men and women of Food Court Team 6.

  4. Eric says:

    Another holster sniffer accessory is the CCW badge, hidden under the fat roll that also hides their belt.

  5. Larry says:

    Quelverine? Isn’t that a sissified Quebecois version of one these bronze beasties and not related to badgers at all?

  6. emdfl says:

    I know where there is a Broomie in .45ACP. Only the fact that I am pretty much committed to a Microtech STG/AUG clone is keeping the wallet in the pocket.

    It is kind of strange looking. Sort of like a Broom that was rub through the zoom feature on a Xerox machine.

  7. emdfl says:

    ARRRRGH! “run” NOT “rub”

  8. “marko kloos defense of revolver” I read your story. Nicely done. Where did you find your statistics? I don’t disagree with them, I just wonder where you can information like that.

  9. El Capitan says:

    As a big guy who wears loose-fitting pants and occasionally slips a .38 in the front pocket, there is a solution to the pants slippage…

    Get a set of suspenders to keep your britches up!

    Ignore the clip suspenders, they’re worse than useless. Keep away from the elastic models, too… they’ll keep your pants permanently tucked up in your crotch.

    Sew some buttons inside your waistband, and use old-timey galluses! They’re more comfortable than belts, particularly if you’ve grown a spare tire.

    I know, suspenders are not real stylish or sexy, but if you’re fat and wearing loose trousers, neither are you…

    If you just can’t be seen in public with a britches harness, do what a buddy of mine does: Wear shirts untucked or get banded-bottom shirts, wear an undershirt to prevent chafing, and wear the suspenders under your shirt.

    Also, about the 10mm Broomhandle… I think I had that in your comments about fantasy guns some months back.

  10. suspenders, huh capitan? phuckit, just shoot me now…

    actually, i’ll stick with my little colt cobra in a paddle, and reserve the pants pocket for the naa.

    btw, i took a look at your blog and lucky me, it was j. cash day…you are a seriously phucked up dude.

    how do you know when nobody reads your shit? when you’re not even on el capitan’s “i read every blog” j.c. ripoff…:-(


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