the fake cheese adds insult to fatal injury.

Mouse traps 002

You know, I feel bad for whacking the little things…they’re just too damn cute, with their whiskered little snouts, and their cute little ears.  Unfortunately, they have a habit of crapping where we store our food, and I’d rather not have the kids catch rodent funk. The shit they leave all over the place is not so cute.

I have found the perfect spot for the traps.  The space behind the microwave is like a little rodent highway…they prefer moving under cover, and that dark tunnel is just too tempting for a quick dash toward the cereal bags.  I park one of those Victor traps right at the exit of Microwave Alley, and in the morning, the trap is usually popped.  The Victor in that picture has killed close to a dozen mice by now, four of them in the last four nights. I’m thinking about spacing them out in that spot, to see if I can get some chain kills.

Poor little thing…and yet, what comes to mind when I see one dead in the trap is the Monty Python skit called “Trade Description Act“, where Inspector Praline from the hygiene squad pays a visit to the Whizzo Chocolate Company for selling disgusting and/or dangerous chocolate treats (like “Spring Surprise” which is a pair of chocolate-covered steel bolts that will pierce the eater’s cheeks.)

“Well where’s the pleasure in THAT?!? If rodents go for a midnight stroll to have a bit of crackers and cheese, they don’t expect to have their necks snapped!”

Yeah, I have an odd sense of humor.

EDIT: Finally, a useful suggested WordPress link!

This makes me stand in awe of American ingenuity: the Victor Multi-Kill Electronic Mouse Trap.  I want one.


29 thoughts on “the fake cheese adds insult to fatal injury.

  1. Tom says:

    Apparently I have a strange sense of humor too. A friend sent me a Christmas card 10 years ago that I have posted on my office door every year since. It is the only one I post.

    On the front is a drawing of dead mouse caught in a trap. Inside is the phrase, “not a creature was stirring”.

  2. MarkHB says:

    Well, Tom. Thomas. Tom. Are you going to come here and wipe the beer off my laptop? No? Then why did you make me spray it there in the first place, eh?

    Tschah. No consideration, some people.

  3. crankylitprof says:

    Oh, my. My uni office has a mouse, but I haven’t the heart to kill him.

  4. Marko says:

    Well, you probably don’t cook in your uni office, or keep your kids’ cereal in there.

  5. Carl H says:

    Every time a bell rings, an angel gets it’s wings. And every time a trap snaps, a rodent says ‘I regret nothing’.

  6. Tiffani says:

    My favorite is when I pulled a sleeve of crackers out of the saltine box and found that the mouse had gone *into* the box and chewed open the back of the sleeve to dine… so you couldn’t tell from the front that we even had a mouse! He’s in mousy heaven now with your little friend.

  7. keepbreathing says:

    Down here in Florida we’re more likely to be brewing a nice home-made batch of Cockroach Cluster than the Spring Surprise. At least we’re not in DC….the Anthrax Ripple sounds unappetizing.

  8. And here I’ve been tossing the things after one successful kill merely because teh so called “smell of death” was on the thing.

    Either that or you have dumb or desperate mice.

    I put a few traps out when I first found the mouse droppings. I haven’t noticed any new meese sign, and I haven’t caught any, so I hope that’s a good thing.

  9. Gerry N. says:

    Cheese is nearly useless as mouse or rat bait. If you want chain kills, use peanut butter on bread crusts.

    Gerry N.

  10. Samsam says:

    Last batch of Victor mouse traps I bought said “Made in USA”. One of the very few things we still know how to make.

  11. Eric says:

    Are you keeping notches on that Victor, or do you have mouse silhouettes on the microwave? 😉

  12. mtsonline says:

    You’re lucky it didn’t ‘splode. The three snap traps I have are in paper bags, so when the thing gets a mouse, there’s just getting the bag; no close contact with the disease bag that the mouse could be. But mice have tripped the traps and gotten the food, so I don’t know why mine aren’t effective.

    The glue traps have been amazingly effective, with a dollop of fragrant peanut butter in the center, placed along what looks like a travel path.

  13. mark says:

    You need a feline, rodent eradication unit. Preferably neutered, formerly of the female persuasion.

  14. LittleRed1 says:

    Don’t know if you can find them in your area, but in Iowa, Nebraska, Minnesota they sell mousetraps that look like a giant grey clothespin. Insert peanut butter, set, wait, then decant the contents without touching them. They are also less hazardous for your fingers when you set them.

  15. the naked prophet says:

    I also think mice are cute. If, somehow, you could train mice to use a tiny litterbox, then you would only have to store your food in mouse-proof cabinets. Change out the litterbox once in a while, and let the cute little guys live in your house. Maybe set out some food with antibiotics in it…

    I know cats train their young how to use a litterbox and how to kill mice. Do mice teach their young anything?

  16. Gerry N. says:

    To Naked Prophet (with permisson) Mice have too short a natural lifespan to learn much other than to eat and breed.

    Now all we need to do is transplant mouse limited lifespan genes into liberals. They already can’t learn much, so it ought not be too difficult. If we can engineer them to expire automtically in sixteen or seventeen years, on average, they’d be much less likely to infest our areas. Mice are cute, so it shouldn’t be too hard to convince libs to accept this, the lib babies might inherit mouse cuteness genes as well. Just gotta protect ’em from teh kittehs.

    Gerry N.

  17. One solution to the “no kill”/multiple catch problem is a unit called the “Ketch-All” (also made in the USA!). It’s wind-up box unit in which mice running through get swept into a holding area, but not killed. They are great for “run” areas, as the critter will run through the open path. The cool part is that it can get multiple scores without resetting.
    Then, if you prefer, you can let them go somewhere. I just throw the thing in a bucket of water, but I’m a murderous bastard…

  18. lenf says:

    Ah, where to begin?

    Standard Mischief, Keep using the trap until it falls apart, usually when the staples holding the spring/axle pull out of the base. I have a couple of traps that are at least ten years old and probably have fifty mice between them. Blood, spatter, fur, it doesn’t matter. Rinse it off if it bothers you. It doesn’t seem to bother them. I think they spend most of their short lives hungry, horny and scared, but not necessarily in that order.

    crankylitprof, “My uni office has a mouse..”
    There is no such thing as ‘a’ mouse. Set a trap and see how many times this singular little guy keeps coming back. Horny, hungry, scared.

    naked prophet, Oh dear. “Let a bear sleep in the woodshed and he’ll soon be in the kitchen.” Hungry, horny, scared.
    And put some clothes on.

    Mark, I’ve always had cats. Some are hunters, some not. They can’t do anything about mice they can’t reach; inside cabinets, under floors, out in the Barn. They’re pure hell on the outside population and this has some value, but once the mice are inside, you need traps. Scared, hungry and horny.

    Which leads me to the comments about bait. They will eat anything, but it doesn’t hurt to follow their lead. Bait the trap with what they choose to eat. I use acorns in the Barn, because that is what I find evidence of. I split them open, put a few pieces around the trap and then tie one to the bait tray. If they’re eating crackers, use crackers. If they’re nibbling on candle ends or bars of soap, I’d use that. It’s what’s available and what they are choosing on their own. Hungry, scared, horny.

  19. Heath says:

    It’s like an old hillbilly once said;

    “I hate mices to pieces”…..

  20. John Hardin says:

    Hard candy is also a good bait, and if it’s been wet and stuck onto the trap trigger the mouse is less likely to be able to successfully steal the bait without triggering the trap.

  21. Kristopher says:

    Kill them with fire.

    A flame-throwing mousetrap?

    Maybe for some else’s property … oh well.

  22. Tom says:

    Sorry about the key board. My mother always told me I wasn’t very considerate of others. 8)^

    Somewhere on my hard drive I have a picture I took of a mouse I labeled “Mouse Suicide”. It had caught itself in a glue trap and in its struggles got over to a bag of poison, chewed a hole in it, and it’s head was inside.

  23. You’re adding notches to the mousetrap, right?

  24. Christine E. says:

    you’re a bitch.
    catch it and let it go its not that hard.
    you people are heartless.

    • Marko says:


      when I need your advice on how to handle my rodent problem in my own house, I’ll ask you.

    • Tam says:

      you people are heartless.


      I am full of heart. I had flambéed heart of toddler for dinner just last night, as a matter of fact.

      (Not that I think you’re sticking around to read the responses to your drive-by idiocy, but I couldn’t resist the snark…)

  25. i don’t know, mw…i’m guessing the lady knows quite a bit about rats, and she obviously has firsthand information about bitches…

    and in exchange for her mice advice, you could offer her some pointers on her punctuation abomination…quid pro quo.


  26. T.Stahl says:

    Rodents. Formidable opponents.
    There was a rat problem in and around the first house I lived in near Stuttgart. Being one of the housekeepers, it became my problem.
    Of course we tried simple traps but the rats ate the bait without getting caught. So I devised the cunning plan to add poison to the bait. Success was immediate. Other ideas we came up with involved welding razor blade halves to the clamps of the traps, an idea we abandoned considering the possible fate of our fingers. Way out was the idea for mini-Claymores using shotgun shells.

    But we also saw funny cases of dead rats. One was lying besides a snapped trap – heart attack it seemed. Another was found wedged in the V of a tilted cellar window – on the way out.

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