in soviet russia, snow blows you.

After the storm, January 2009 001 

I have temporarily defeated Gaia.  The storm dropped a foot and a half of snow onto Castle Frostbite, but Mr. Snowblower was made for those kinds of conditions.  It blows the fresh new snow a good thirty feet, and it’ll barely slow down even when the white stuff is piled twenty inches high.  The waist-high berm of compacted snow at the bottom of the driveway, thoughtfully put into place by the Publick Workes elves and their mechanick contraption, was a bit more tricky to remove, but I prevailed in the end.

They say that winter storms drive up the occurrence of heart attacks, because people overwork themselves shoveling snow.  I have no trouble believing that.  It took me about an hour to clear the property (driveway, parking and turnaround spots in front of the house, mailbox, and alternate parking at the bottom of the hill) with a self-propelled 9HP two-stage snowblower that carves a 28″ wide path into knee-high snow right down to the gravel.  With a snow shovel, it would take me a day or two to move that much snow, and I’d collapse from exhaustion and/or a cardiac event halfway through.

Technology is your friend.  I wonder how they ever managed to clear their driveways in neolithic times…

I’ll tell you this: if they ever pass legislation banning personal snow-removal equipment powered by eeeevil combustion engines, I’ll start selling bumper stickers that say “You Can Have My Snowblower When You Pry it From My Cold, Wet Hands”.

7 thoughts on “in soviet russia, snow blows you.

  1. Crucis says:

    When dealing with snow berm gifts from the elves, high-explosive works best.

  2. Eric says:

    “I wonder how they ever managed to clear their driveways in neolithic times…”

    Serfs!

  3. ZerCool says:

    “I wonder how they ever managed to clear their driveways in neolithic times…”

    Small non-adult family members were forced to put down the paddle or joystick for the Atari2400 and help…

  4. Anthony L. says:

    Or, when contrivances such as an Atari set were unavailable, we were only too happy to help. Made for some great snow forts after the shoveling was done.

  5. Jay G. says:

    I suspect I have a significantly shorter driveway than you, Marko (~ 50′).

    I actually prefer shoveling by hand – it’s a great workout. You reach your target heart rate in seconds, it strengthens the muscles in your arms, back, and shoulders, and you have more control over where the snow goes (see fort, snow referenced in the previous post).

    I suspect if I had a 300’+ long driveway I’d feel differently…

    Of course, when time is of the essence I just borrow Dad’s 25HP Toro lawn tractor with 48″ snowthrower takes care of the job in minutes flat…

  6. Mplsk says:

    When I think of Russia and snow, it brings to mind the black and white photos of babushkas and their brooms. Perhaps you could build a guest house at the bottom of the driveway and host a half dozen Russian senior citizen ladies. In the summer you could give them sickles and scythes and let them loose on your property.

  7. joated says:

    JayG.,

    Why do I suspect time is always of the essence?

    Marko,

    The greenies will be after every gasoline powered convenience one of these days. They’ve already made lots of noise about lawn mowers and weed wackers so it’s just a matter of time.

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