Here’s the full transcript of the 911 call made by the owner of the chimp who went apeshit on a family friend in Connecticut the other day.
For those of you who think that 911 will magically summon a swift response, consider how much time the dispatcher spends going through the protocol with a woman who’s clearly frightened out of her mind and under high stress. Now imagine the call taking place with a human intruder in the house who’s determined to do her harm before she can finish her call. A five-minute response is a lightning-fast police dispatch in most communities (out here, we’re twenty minutes from our village police station, and unless a cruiser happens to drive by at the right moment, it’s a long wait for a cop), and five minutes are pretty much an eternity when someone is trying to chew off your face, or shank you for the credit cards and the thirty-eight dollars in your wallet. Once again, when seconds counted, the cops were only minutes away.
This woman kept a 200-pound primate in her residence, and she didn’t keep any weapons at hand to protect herself or others in case this semi-domesticated wild animal became a hazard to anyone. Instead, she is taken by complete surprise that her darling pet can behave like the wild animal he is, and she has to plead with the dispatcher to send someone and “bring the guns” to shoot her chimp.
This, friends and neighbors, is terminal stupidity all around. Unfortunately, the brunt of the fallout in this case was shouldered by the family friend who had her face chewed off, and the chimp who got a brisket full of .40-caliber rounds. Stupidity should hurt, but all too often it hurts all the wrong people. The owner of that chimp is fully responsible for everything that happened, and I hope she loses her hide in the lawsuits that are sure to follow.
Ugh. God must love idiots…he made so freaking many of them.