monday search term safari XL.

raghead hussein is a muslim

And you are a drooling moron with the intellectual wattage of a brain-damaged cocker spaniel. 

(And even if that was true: so fucking what?  Ever hear of the whole “freedom of religion” thing we have here in America?  Hint: it does not mean “freedom to be of my religion.”)

waterman phileas

The Phileas is a fine, good-looking, and reliable pen, and it writes as well as (or better than) some much more expensive pens.  Their medium nibs put down a very generous, bold line.  You can snag a Phileas for about $40 from Staples.

toilet training relapse back to diapers

That’s not uncommon.  Quinn had a relapse once he figured out to time his potty-going to coincide with naptimes (when I put a diaper on him to avoid accidents).  It was more convenient for him to let Daddy do the clean-up.  I stopped using diapers on him, and it took only a few days for him to figure out that using the potty is preferable to pooping in your underwear. 

do bobcats live in n.h.

Yes, they do, and their cries sound absolutely horrible

alphasmart neo 1 price

Alphasmart charges $219 for a brand new one.  You can find them on eBay on occasion for a little less, but the Neos are in demand, and hold their value well.

douchebags and dimwits

If you want to get in touch with some, I’ll try to find the email address of the guy who left the first search term on this list.  Between him and his immediate neighbors at Violent Acres trailer park, you should have a good supply to get you started.

is currywurst the same as bratwurst

Yes, only sliced, doused with ketchup, and sprinkled with curry powder.  The silly Berliners make currywurst with knackwurst instead of bratwurst, but that is vile heresy.

twitter bill cunningham

I’m not sure he’s smart enough to figure out Twitter, but if he does, I’m sure the nature of the medium (140 characters or less) would lend itself well to documenting his thought processes, with room to spare.

predominant profession of congress

Lawyer.  (Does that come as a surprise, really?)

a veg that doesn’t have to be planted

Ketchup.  It grows in the Condiments aisle at Sam’s Club, in convenient glass or PET husks that can be discarded once you squeeze out the contents.

alphasmart neo or netbook

It depends on your needs.  Do you just need something strictly for writing without distractions?  Get the Neo.  Do you need to be able to surf the web for research, or send files to someone else without having to go through a separate computer?  Get the Netbook.

suicide trap for mice

Make a box that’s painted black on the inside.  Put little Nine Inch Nails posters on the wall, a tiny TV/VCR combo that runs deeply depressing European art movies, and a stereo that plays Leonard Cohen’s “Songs To Kill Yourself By” collection.  Provide a little rope tied into a noose, and a bottle of sleeping pills.  Lure the mouse in, and wait for a few weeks.  It’ll either kill itself, or come out wearing mascara and a perpetually sullen expression.


That’s it for this week’s edition, friends and neighbors.  Tune in again next week for a new round!


7 thoughts on “monday search term safari XL.

  1. “The silly Berliners make currywurst with knackwurst instead of bratwurst, but that is vile heresy.”

    Hey! First off, we’re not silly, we’re SPECIAL (yes, in caps). And Berliner Currywurst is the best, evar. And jelly donuts are called Pfannkuchen, btw. Just so you know…

  2. crankylitprof says:

    Emo mice might be the thirteenth plague.

  3. … As opposed to emo grass, who wouldn’t want his lawn to cut itself?

    On another note, a Belgian curryworst is a simple sausage made out of mystery meat (5-10%) various starches (20-30%) and sawdust (remainder)

  4. MarkHB says:

    You got it a little wrong.

    Q) “Veg that doesn’t have to be planted”

    A) “Lawyer”

  5. Assrot says:

    Hmmm… I was hoping to hear your opinion on the Kindle 2 from Amazon. I’ve always liked to hold a good old book in my hand while I read it but I am giving some thought to getting something that handles books in electronic format.

    What say you? Any opinions on this thing?


  6. Marko says:

    I have to say that the Kindle 2 is the eBook reader that has come closest to tempting me into going digital. I used to read eBooks on my Palm and the iPod touch, so I do recognize the advantages of going electronic.

  7. Assrot says:

    Thanks for the opinion on the Kindle. If it weren’t so pricey I’d have already bought one.

    I can get a decent gun to add to my collection for the price of a Kindle 2. Maybe I’ll talk the wife into getting me a Kindle for my birthday this year.

    I’ll send you a review if I buy one. If you happen to buy one, please post about it.


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