Great Hive Mind, I need your help.
Here at Castle Frostbite, the lord of the manor is constantly fighting entropy, a phenomenon that’s accelerated by the presence of two small children and four dachshunds. I try to keep the place presentable, I swear, but the Forces of Mischief are too strong sometimes, and I find myself sweeping and mopping the floors in the mornings only to turn my back and once again have it look like a country barn and a toy store collided at high speed in our sitting room.
The other day, our vacuum refused to do the job for which it was designed, and no amount of cleaning, coaxing, threats of violence, or percussive maintenance could convince the recalcitrant device to suck up the dirt instead of blowing it out like some bizarre hovercraft propelling itself on a cushion of filth.
That makes four vacuums in five years now. It seems we’re in the market for yet another one, but I want to stop the cycle of spending $100 every year and a half, and get a device that will let me Make Dirt My Bitch in a reliable way for years to come.
Anyone have any glowing recommendations on a vacuum cleaner that fits the definition of “industrial strength”? Something that will suck up dirt, hair, small animals, and laminate floorboards if needed? We were thinking about one of those Dyson thingies they display at Best Buy in the “Stop Fucking Around With That Cheap Shit” aisle, but I want to gather a few real-world opinions from honest-to-goodness parents and pet owners before we drop close to half a grand on a vacuum cleaner.