monday search term safari XLVI.

fisher cat vs wolverine in a fight

The fisher cat would totally lose, because it doesn’t have those cool retractable adamantium claws.

and im sure i’ll be stand up next to you

And I’m proud to be a Dyslexican, where at least I’ll be know are free…

world’s best way to jackoff

With a pipe wrench, while standing on one leg, and humming the Albanian national anthem.  Oh, and you have to be dressed in a costume representing poultry of some kind (but not chicken.)  Sounds like a lot of effort, I know, but the results are so worth it.  (Don’t forget to YouTube it.)

what’s wrong with yorkies?

Like most small dogs, Yorkies have a mental condition that makes them think they’re roughly twenty times their actual size.  In addition, they’re difficult to groom, and easily broken when accidentally stepped on.  They’re basically two pounds of matted fur and attitude, usually held together with a cute bow.

s&w model 13 fbi´s sidearm

Yes, the Feebs used to issue the M13 with the 3″ barrel, from the mid-1970s to the late 1980s.  It was the last official issue revolver for the FBI, and everything since then has been a step back, as far as I’m concerned.  A three-inch M13 is my carry gun, and I wouldn’t trade it for a pallet of current FBI issue sidearms.  (New agents get their pick of a Glock 22 or 23.  The Glock’s a good gun, but it’s no Model 13.)

ibm model m lasts for decades

Well, yeah.  It’s a thick plastic chassis screwed to a solid steel backplate, and the whole thing weighs six pounds.  Like the saying goes, you could beat someone to death with a Model M, and then use it to blog about the experience.  The Model M currently on my desk was manufactured in April of 1992.  The computer with which it was bundled has been leaking toxins in a landfill for a decade now, but this keyboard still works as well as it did when it was first unpacked, and it’ll probably survive another dozen computers.

why brain works faster during early morning

Because you’re still rested from your night of sleep, you’ve just had your coffee, and the great pile of suck that is your daily routine has not yet had a chance to wrap itself around your brain like a smelly, piss-soaked tapestry of existential agony. 

Or it could have something to do with synapses and neurons and shit.

toddler gun

You can probably get by with a five-inch gun barrel.  If your toddler was raised mostly on Twinkies and Mountain Dew, you need to step up to a six- or eight-inch tube.  With the proper charge (and a streamlined set of overalls), you should be able to get eight to ten miles of range out of your toddler gun.

who needs a number pad?

Nobody needs a number pad, strictly speaking, but it’s useful for programmers, accountants, and people who have to produce funky letters like umlauts or eths in their emails on occasion without having to copy & paste them from the Character Map.

120 lortab a month

That’s a lot of Lortab.  Let’s see…120 a month, that’s four a day.  That would keep me in a warm, fuzzy haze all day for the entire month.  You either have some serious chronic pain going on, or you’re Rush Limbaugh.

model 10 3 inch heavy barrel ccw

A three-inch K-frame S&W is the best all-round personal defense sidearm I can think of, which is why I have a pair of them.  (See also item “s&w model 13 fbi’s sidearm” above.)  A 3″ M10 is the hot spare for my 3″ M13.  If you manage to find one of those anywhere, buy it and hold on to it, because they don’t make ’em anymore.

nerds use ibm model m keyboards

No, you have it wrong.  Geeks use IBM Model M keyboards…and not all geeks, but only the subset of geek that does some serious hardcore typing: coders, hackers, writers, and other ASCII jockeys.  If all the typing you do in the course of a day is limited to web addresses, three-line emails, and leetspeak or LOLcat pidgin comments on your favorite bulletin boards, then the rubber dome piece of crap keyboard that came with your Dull Insipid 2009 is sufficient.  If, on the other hand, you spend all day hammering key caps, then only the buckling-spring goodness of the One True Keyboard will do.


Anyway, that’s the take for this Monday.  Tune in again next week for another round!


10 thoughts on “monday search term safari XLVI.

  1. karrde says:

    Now, I would have that “fisher cat vs. wolverine” would have pitted a football player from Ann Arbor against said fisher cat.

    Still not betting for the cat, mind you…

  2. MarkHB says:

    Pipe wrench? Damn. I’ve been doing it wrong.

    Anyone wanna buy a used torque wrench?

  3. Joe Allen says:

    The Monday Search Term Safari has become one of the highlights of my week.


  4. perlhaqr says:

    I think I’ve been using the Model M on my desk since April of ’92 (or thereabouts). Ok, I actually probably picked it up sometime in ’93, ’cause that’s when I started going to the local auction house, but it’s a bit distressing to think that my keyboard is old enough to drive.

    And yeah, it’s gone through about 6 computers since then, but they’re not leaking toxins in a landfill somewhere, because I never throw anything away. Y’know, this might explain the “space problem” in my house…

  5. vinnie says:

    fisher cat vs wolverine in a fight
    Wolverines heightened sense of smell may be a factor to consider. I don’t think he would lose mind you but he may choose a different battle.

  6. rickn8or says:

    Yes, once you’ve been exposed to the Model M (or Northgate) Ta’cli-PING!) you’re ruined for the mushboards forever.

  7. TJP says:

    Is the Model M keyboard the huge one with the weights and the clicky keys? I nabbed a bulk 5-pack of those on some job, so long ago I don’t remember where. I think I still have a few left.

  8. Windy Wilson says:

    What is an “eth”? What sound does it represent?
    Also, what is the name of the “ß” that represents “ss” in German? Character Map calls it a “hard ess” but that isn’t the name in German.

  9. Marko says:

    The eth (Ð or ð) is a voiced dental fricative, like the “th” in modern English. It was used in Old English, and is still used in modern Icelandic.

    The ß is called a “eszett” or “scharfes S” (sharp S) in German. Colloquially, it’s also known as the “doppel-S” (double S). It’s perfectly correct to use “ss” in place of the eszett, just like it’s acceptable to substitute ae, oe, and ue for the umlauts ä, ö, and ü.

  10. theflatwhite says:

    Joe A., “The Monday Search Term Safari has become one of the highlights of my week.”

    Joe needs better highlights. 😉

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