monday search term safari XLVIII.


You forgot the umlaut: it’s Yöghund, the designer yogurt for dogs.  (Never mind the fact that the umlaut alters the sound of the letter–umlauts look cool, right?)

It always amuses me when people come up with special designer food for dogs.  This is a species that will eat random vomit found on the street.  Our dogs will occasionally snack on each other’s poop.  Trust me, they have very low culinary standards.

yorkshire terrier stupid

Well, just look at the poor little thing.  Its eggshell-thin cranium has the capacity of an inverted contact lens.  The teensy brain that fits into a Yorkie’s noggin is just big enough to allow for two modes: sleep and paranoid psychosis.

day care why so expensive

What would you consider fair compensation for taking care of someone else’s kid eight hours a day, feeding them, keeping a facility up to regulations, constantly being prepared for unannounced inspections, and paying for the liability insurance necessary to cover your ass against litigious parents who will take you to the cleaners if one hair on their precious snowflake’s head is bent while he’s in your care?

novelists who use fountain pens

A few novelists who are confirmed fountain pen users: Neil Gaiman, Neal Stephenson, Joe Haldeman, Paul Auster, and Stephen King (who wrote at least Hearts in Atlantis with a Waterman).  J.K. Rowling wrote all seven Harry Potter books in longhand, but she used a ballpoint pen. 

parker 51 + weight

Fully inked, my aerometric “51” weighs 0.777 ounces, or 22.02 grams.  (Digital jewelry scales are useful for reloading, and giving very precise answers to obscure weight questions.)

puggle shuts hearing off?

The little shit is just being stubborn.  Our dachshunds have the same ability–it’s called “selective deafness”. 

cracked snowblower auger shaft

Whoops.  I hope you bought the extended warranty when you got that snowblower, because that’s an expensive repair.  Ours snapped a few months ago, and the extra $99 for the warranty turned out money well spent, because the repair would have been more than twice as much out of pocket.

Semi-amusing anecdote regarding snowblowers: when we moved to the Northeast, and someone suggested that we’d need a snowblower for our property, Robin envisioned something akin to those hand-held leaf blowers.


German for “armored car”.  The pre-1945 term for “tank” was Panzerkampfwagen, which means “armored fighting vehicle”.  In German, it’s permissible to string together any number of nouns to form a compound noun, which can make for some hilariously long and complex words at times. 

writers and bourbon

This is where I’m supposed to say something like “A writer is a device for converting booze into prose”, but the truth is that I can’t write anything worth a damn when I’ve had something to drink.  Writing requires mental acuity, and even one drink will start making your brain all fuzzy.  I’ve had to shift my writing time to the evenings once more because the kids now get out of bed before 7am, and as a side effect of that change in schedules, I haven’t had a drink in two months.

libertarian vaccination

Those are done with a special non-coercive vaccine.  It politely asks the body whether it would consent to forming antibodies, rather than forcing it to do so.

how long do you charge an alphasmart?

Until it’s fully charged.  But seriously–why do you bother using rechargeable batteries in a device that gets a year of battery life out of three AA cells?


That concludes this week’s super-informative edition of the MSTS.  Tune in again next week, when I try to find snarkworthy material among the hundreds of searches for Navy SEALs/pirates, New Jersey hookers, jacking off, and Summer Glau’s boobs.  (Oh, crap.  I just provoked a bunch more of those, didn’t I?)


16 thoughts on “monday search term safari XLVIII.

  1. Tam says:

    “libertarian vaccination” is the kind of vaccination practiced as recently as my childhood in much of America, whereby Child A comes down with the chicken pox and all the mothers in the neighborhood send any children they have who have not yet had it over to get good and exposed.

  2. MarkHB says:

    Coming out with terms like “capacity of an inverted contact lens” makes me think you ought to be some kind of a writer or something, old son.

  3. Laughingdog says:

    Are these search terms that brought people to your site, or is there some list of recently used ones on Google that you browse through for these posts?

  4. Marko says:

    Those are search terms people used to get to my site. I pull selected ones out of my Stats page every week.

  5. Tiffani says:

    I’ve been wondering for months where these search terms came from… I was just too lame to ask! And seriously?

  6. Laughingdog says:

    For the really odd ones, it would actually be interesting to see what post of yours actually somehow fit the criteria for their search. It’s pretty obvious how a search for things like fountain pens, the alphasmart, or that IBM keyboard you adore could get them here. But “yoghund”? Whoever, got to your site with that word is much more determined than I am. I typed that into Google and went through 6 pages without seeing your blog before giving up.

  7. Tony says:

    …Did someone just mention Summer Glau’s boobs? 8)

    “It always amuses me when people come up with special designer food for dogs. This is a species that will eat random vomit found on the street. Our dogs will occasionally snack on each other’s poop. Trust me, they have very low culinary standards.”

    …Are you sure you have dachshunds? And not some other, hairy sausage-ish creatures? (Like, err, umm…) I have never seen a dog as picky about its food as our Tactical Assault Wiener, and what my girlfriend tells me is that this is fairly common among the low riders. Dogs in general eat anything, yes. These ones, however, not so much.

    (The selective deafness-thing is common across all species though. Whooo boy, is it common.)

  8. John Gall says:

    yorkshire terrier stupid

    While it’s a cool description, I think you’re too limiting. It can be applied to all the tiny cute yipyapers. I detest all the little buggers (including all the minis too).
    I’m surprised the owners of them don’t keep midgets to care for them.

  9. Windy Wilson says:

    I refer to those words as “Lego words”. You can hook together a bunch of words that together describe what you are thinking of. Then you can add -keit to it and form a different noun entirely.
    Btw, what is the post-1945 term for a tank?

  10. Marko says:

    “Kampfpanzer”–battle tank.

  11. post-’45 german tanks = shrapnel…

    don’t know if it’s a german word, but it pronounces like one, and more fun than looking up krautspeak for scrap metal or foundry fodder :o).


  12. Tam says:

    British Col. Henry Shrapnel, actually…

  13. Peter O says:

    Sorry, Shrapnel is an english name.
    Lt Henry Shrapnel in fact.
    The first guy apparently to ask what happens if we put some extra gunpowder inside the ol’ cannon ball.

  14. tam & peter: spoilers! a quick googletap would have shown that, but i try not to do that for every little thing…atrophies the imagination and kills the fun, albeit educationally.


    see? fits right in phonetically, and apropos to boot, yes?


  15. Ritchie says:

    Snowblowers may sometimes be helped in their labors by hosing down the snow-moving parts with dry teflon spray. Memory fragments suggest a green and yellow can, marked Rem-DriLube.

  16. wolfwalker says:

    The teensy brain that fits into a Yorkie’s noggin is just big enough to allow for two modes: sleep and paranoid psychosis.

    Cracked me up with that one. ‘Course, John Gall is right: that description applies to all the rat-dogs.

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