A recent comment motivated me to create a protagonist for a new series of novels–a main character who’s designed to be as offensive as possible to the greatest number of readers, so I’ll get the maximum number of incensed letters from infuriated people, and indignant press releases from all the easily offended groups out there.
He’s a paranormal detective who moonlights as an abortion doctor. He’s married to his husband Steve, a derivatives trader and investment broker who’s running a profitable Ponzi scheme. He drives a Humvee without mufflers, and listens to The Origin of Species and The God Delusion on CD while commuting. He starts all conversations with the most appropriate ethnic slur for the other person. He owns a baby-eating pitbull, and deals crack in front of the elementary school in his spare time. His favorite foods are foie gras, and fast food in non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers. He owns a closet full of assault weapons, and enjoys denying the Holocaust. His hobbies include child pornography, and going to neighborhood churches to loudly preach competing theologies. On vacation, he goes to Greenland every summer to club baby seals for a few weeks.
That should just about cover all the bases, I think.
Now I just need a name for my protagonist. Any suggestions? (The key here is offensiveness without the brute-force approach of overt vulgarity.)