monday search term safari L.

designer dog demographic

That’s easy: they’re mostly shallow idiots who are willing to blow a thousand bucks on a mutt from a trailer park “breeder”, when they could have gotten a healthier one from the pound for the $40 adoption fee without subsidizing someone else’s Coors or hydrogen peroxide habit.  Tip: if it has a name that sounds like a candy bar, it’s not a real breed.

(Cue indignant comments from enraged designer dog-owning readers in three…two…one…)

can an arisaka hurt a 12 year olds shoulder

The Arisaka is an old school battle rifle, firing a full-power cartridge comparable to the .303 British.  It will hurt even an adult’s shoulder if that adult’s shooting technique is poor.  Conversely, even a 12-year-old can shoot one just fine with good rifle fu: tuck the butt into your shoulder good and tight, hold the rifle firmly, lean into the gun instead of standing straight up or leaning back, and you’ll be fine.

munchkin martini

Here’s the recipe: sixteen ounces of vodka, a splash of vermouth, and a small handful of M&Ms.  Great for naptimes!

how to fill an ipod

With a very small funnel or a syringe, through the headphone port.  Your iPod will be full when the liquid reaches the top of the screen.  I have to warn you, however, that an iPod makes a very poor hip flask due to low internal volume.

1st person present tense novels

Chuck Palahniuk’s Fight Club is my favorite example of a First Person Present Tense narrative done well.  If the writer can pull it off, it has unmatched potential for immediacy and energy, and can rope the reader into the narrative very quickly.  If the writer can’t pull it off, it reads like a bad eighth-grade essay on “What I Did On My Summer Vacation”.  I just spent nine months drumming out a science fiction novel using that particular tense and perspective.  Its disadvantages are a severely constrained point of view, and the inability to get into the heads of characters other than the narrator.  Of all the tense/perspective combinations, I find this one the hardest to use effectively.

revolver decocking

If you must decock your loaded revolver, put one thumb on the hammer spur to gently lower the hammer while slowly pulling the trigger.  Put the other thumb in front of the firing pin, so you’ll only hear a *snap*OW! instead of a BOOM if your thumb slips on the hammer.  Truthfully, though–you shouldn’t ever need to cock the hammer on a double-action wheelgun.  My revolvers all still have their single-action notches, but I can’t recall the last time I cocked the hammer on them while shooting.  Learn the double-action trigger, and you’ll learn to love the double-action trigger. 

what is a collective right

It’s like the Jabberwocky, or the tooth fairy, or a politician with integrity: a fictional creature that exists only in fairy tales.  Rights can only ever be individual, which means that you cannot gain a right by joining a mob, no matter how shiny the issued badges are, or how many of your neighbors are part of it.

fotos de dresden masacre

This may be a linguistic barrier, my Francophone friend, but the Dresden bombing wasn’t a “massacre” in the strict sense of the word.  The term you want to use for your Google search is “fotos de dresden grudgefuck“.

olympia typestyle 69

That’s the lovely cursive typeface that came as an optional type on Olympia typewriters.  I have an early SM-4 from 1960 that has Typestyle 69, and you can see writing samples by searching for the “typecast.” tag here on this blog.  Of all the cursive typewriter scripts I’ve seen, the Olympia one is the prettiest, IMHO.

she could suck the chrome off a towball

Now that’s a useless skill.  If you let her suck the chrome off your tow ball, it will start to rust.  That chrome is there for protection just as much as for looks.  Offer her something else to suck on, like a lollipop, or a bag of Lifesavers, and keep her away from any chrome-plated objects.


That was the fiftieth edition of the MSTS, friends and neighbors!  That means I’ve been doing this particular feature for almost a year now.  Should I keep it running for another year, Intertubes?


27 thoughts on “monday search term safari L.

  1. Bob says:

    Yes, Please continue it, as your perspective is unique and entertaining to say the least.
    I would have thought the Munchkin Martini was a .22 youth rifle.

    • Marko says:

      That’s a good one, too. A youth-sized Martini action in .22? I’d buy three.

  2. tam says:

    Should I keep it running for another year, Intertubes?

    Does a big snake crawl low to the ground?

  3. fastbike says:

    My favorite start to the week.

    And for Tam, snakes fly, at least if they’re around Lawdog.

  4. J.R. Shirley says:

    “The Arisaka is an old school battle rifle, firing a full-power cartridge comparable to the .303 British.”

    Well… If you consider barrel lengths, the Arisaka Type 38 in 6.5x50mm fires a round almost exactly as powerful as the 7.62x39mm.

    The 7.7x58mm of the Type 99 was a different cat entirely. Your comments for it are spot on.


  5. MarkHB says:

    Show of hands: Who’s pay for a chapbook or similar print-service edition of The Collected Search Term Safaris

    *raises grubby mitt*

  6. Grant says:

    By all means, keep it going. It’s better than anything on television!

    -=[ Grant ]=-

  7. OrangeNeckInNY says:

    Of course you should keep it going. What, you got something else better to do on a Monday morning?? Heh. :þ

  8. Cat says:

    Keep ’em coming … I have to share one with my husband so that he will know why I am giggling like an idiot almost every week.

  9. kbyrd says:


  10. “you shouldn’t ever need to cock the hammer on a double-action wheelgun.”

    true enough, when you “need” to shoot it or when you’re practicing for when you “need” to shoot it.

    but shooting for pure accuracy, if you don’t shoot better s/a than d/a you have a lot better hand than i or that is one smooth trigger job.

    as for continuing the series, what tam said but different species and a more impolite activity.


    • Marko says:

      I shoot better DA than SA. Something about the feel and timing of the cylinder turning, and the lockwork clicking into place.

  11. John Gall says:

    Grins are good.

  12. T.Stahl says:

    Please, Marko, keep it going!

  13. J.R. Shirley says:

    And I think the SS are hilarious.

  14. Chris C. says:

    Yes, please keep going on MSTS.

    I have a S&W Model 625, and shoot better DA up to about 10 yards. For longer than that, SA.

  15. Dominique says:

    Please continue! It gives me something to look forward to reading Monday mornings – and the constant giggling it engenders makes my coworkers wonder if I’m nuts.

  16. Ken says:

    ‘Course, if it’s SA to begin with, ya durn better know how to decock it. When I practice with my SAA, I always load for carry and start with the hammer “Colt notched” on the empty chamber.

    Do it enough times, it almost starts to look elegant: even if you are, as I am, a duffer otherwise.

  17. Assrot says:

    Your Monday Search Term Safari is one of my favorite reads. I stop in every Monday afternoon just for it.

    Suck the crome off a towball, indeed! He better watch what he puts in her mouth.



  18. Linny says:

    Hi Marko,

    I’ll try not to be too shallow, idiotic or indignant 🙂

    I believe there is a good argument to be made for breeding hybrid “Designer Dogs” as pets. All the research shows crossbred dogs to be both longer-lived and healthier than their purebred counterparts, and when done responsibly, hybrid “Designer Dogs” can make very healthy and robust family pets. The breeds used need to be carefully selected, the parent dogs chosen for health and temperament, and tested for possible genetic diseases, and the pups should of course be spayed/neutered (as any pet dog should be).

    The dogs bred in this way have the best of both worlds: the advantages of both genetic diversity (like mutts) and carefully selected and tested parents (as with purebreds).

    Certainly their are puppy mills that have jumped on to the “Designer Dog” to cash in on their popularity. But there are also many dedicated hybrid breeders whose main aim is to produce healthy dogs, without the genetic problems that have plagued many purebreds.

    There’s a good article that touches on this topic written by the Senior Geneticist in the Department of Veterinary Medicine at the University of Sydney at

    Best wishes,

  19. formerflyer says:

    The Monday Search Term Safari is, without a doubt, the funniest thing available on my computer on Monday mornings. Please don’t stop!

  20. Matt in Portland says:

    Yes please. Always makes me grin.

  21. David Glynn says:

    “I’m gonna get me a bottle of tequila and find me one of them Keno girls that can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch and just kinda kick back.”

    Willie Nelson famously extemporising in ‘The Electric Horseman,’ directed by Sydney Pollack and starring Robert Redford and Jane Fonda. So you know.

  22. Brian Dale says:

    Yes, please.

    My goal is to shoot better than I do now; that’s why almost all of my handgun practice is DA shooting with revolvers.

  23. ibex says:

    [chant]Four more years! Four more years![/chant]

Comments are closed.