monday search term safari LI.

what the fuck is wrong with crazy women

If you define “crazy” as “won’t have sex with you“, then I’m afraid they’re probably all bugnuts insane.

hazmat suit for infants

Look, I understand your desire to make that kid earn his keep around the house as soon as possible, but don’t you think you should wait until they can talk before you have them cleaning out slurry tanks at the chemical plant?

queensryche operation mindcrime lossless

Why the hell do you need to find a Queensryche album in lossless format?  So you can catch all the finely nuanced aural details on your heavy metal CD?

(Tip: Any band with an umlaut in their name needs to be listened to with the amp cranked to eleven.)

opinion about vaccination

Vaccinations are great.  They keep kids from getting diseases that can cripple or kill them.  People forget that fifty years ago, kids ended up in wheelchairs because of polio, because we eradicated polio with vaccines.  Kids can go deaf or die crummy deaths from measles.  Don’t listen to that daft bint Jenny McCarthy–she doesn’t know shit about shit.  She’s famous for her bad acting, and for being a Playmate of the Year, not for a degree in medicine or epidemology.  I’d no more consult her on the subject of vaccinations than ask my neighborhood rabbi for good pork recipes.

vacuum suck up barbie shoes

Seeing how those are the size of an anorexic housefly, I’d say you’re screwed, unless you have the time to open up that vacuum bag, and sift through the contents with a colander. 

reasons why whaling is a good thing

Well, of course it’s a good thing.  Where the hell else do those environmentalist hippies think we’re supposed to get oil for our lamps?

what is being a parent like?

You’re deprived of sleep, you have barf and poop on your shirt a lot, your favorite things get broken or despoiled, and you get hit in the balls on occasion.  Overall, it’s a lot like being interrogated by the CIA.

parker quink left handed writing

Some inks are faster-drying than others, but the size and flow of the nib is probably a more important factor than your choice of ink.  For a lefty, I’d recommend a fine or very fine nib, but from what I hear from my left-handed friends, there’s no sure way to avoid smearing the ink as a southpaw.

neo word count

Ctrl + W will get you a word count in your current file.  It also shows you a page, character, and paragraph count, and the remaining memory space.

teacher get fuck in offis

If that’s your English teacher you’re talking about, that would explain a lot.  She’s obviously boning the maintenance dude when she should be in the classroom, teaching you how to conjugate verbs and stop spelling phonetically.

can dogs eat filet mignon

I just polled ours, and all four of them were in agreement that yes, indeed, dogs can eat filet mignon, please, please, pleeeeeeeeeease?

plain grey goose + ginger ale

That’s what we call a “Hello, Morning!” drink here at the ranch.  Great with coffee, or in lieu of coffee.  (Make mine a venti, please.)


Is Monday!  Is Monday morning entertainment!  Now get back to work, peasant.  The Collective needs you to kick in your fair share. 


13 thoughts on “monday search term safari LI.

  1. J.R. Shirley says:

    And I like it.


  2. Bob says:

    Smeared ink is just a small part an parcel of being left-handed. There’s also dealing with being forced to write with the wrong hand and getting points of for either penmanship (go figure) and or neatness (gee smeared ink) on your assignments.

  3. Jay says:

    Marko – A fine or very fine nib for a lefty tends to dig rather than glide…or maybe I just use too much pressure. I’ve successfully gone wider in the nib for the sake of smoothness, but have had to angle the paper even more to keep my hand out of the wet.

  4. Windy Wilson says:

    Do you know the difference between a bitch and a slut (odd how people feel compelled to insert asterisks in the first but not the second word) ?
    A slut will sleep with anyone, a bitch will sleep with anyone but you.

    And would that be bands whose names really require umlauts or only manufactured names, like Hägen Däz or the late, unlamented Früsen Glädge?

  5. MarkHB says:

    Better let Mr. Hazmat Baby know that passive filtration won’t catch virus particles, you need a positive pressure suit for that. Hamphysema is still but a breath away, kiddies!

  6. Ken says:

    For a lefty, I’d recommend a fine or very fine nib, but from what I hear from my left-handed friends, there’s no sure way to avoid smearing the ink as a southpaw.


  7. Steve says:

    I just wanted to actually stop in and say this blog makes Monday’s just a bit easier, and thank you!

  8. Kristopher says:

    The problem with piping yer Queensryche album through your $20,000 dollar analog sound system at 11 is the platter damage causes when it starts bouncing off of the turn-table.

    So you need a lossless digital format so your eardrums can be damaged by more precise 180 dB noise. You can then settle down to something less damaging later, like standing to the side of a .50 BMG muzzlebrake while it fires.

    Oh, and about the whaling thing … if the green’tards were serious, they would volunteer to be rendered into soylent diesel … we can burn that in lamps … and run my SUV on it.

    Save the planet, kill yourself!

  9. Ken Hall says:

    Extinction begins at home!

  10. Windy Wilson says:

    Save the Planet, volunteer for Soylent Diesel!

    We won’t be seeing that bumper sticker any time soon, and considering I live next door and across the street from flaming leftists, I won’t be putting it on my car any time soon, either.

  11. MarkHB says:

    Oh you guys think you’re kidding?

    Fortunately, that problem is inherently self-limiting.

  12. Alright, ease up off Mindcrime. You know how hard it is to tell people on the internets that they’re wrong, don’t you?



  13. MarkHB says:


    I’ve become enamoured of the phrase “Thank you, Voice of Internet Authority. Now I know right from wrong.”


Comments are closed.