monday search term safari LVII.

bare chested adolescent males

And ten minutes after running that search term, Michael injected some Demerol, and fell flat on his face.

What? Too soon?

lord of the cheese

That’s my personal nickname for Michael Flatley, the self-proclaimed “Lord of the Dance”.  Lord of the fucking Dance.  You think that all the professional dancers who don’t put on a gauche little headband and prance around on stage like a spastic springbok may take offense to Michael Flatley proclaiming himself the supreme potentate of the art?

should i quit riding

That’s a question that only you can answer.  I quit a few years ago after Quinn was born, after some close encounters with idiot cagers.  I have to say, though—living in low-population rural New Hampshire, with all the twisty roads curving through the pretty landscape, I’m feeling the itch again.  (When I got my NH license, I spent an extra $80 to transfer my motorcycle endorsement as well.)  It all depends on where you live, and how attentive the cagers in your area are.  I’d not get back on a bike in Knoxville, that’s for sure.

corporate laptop policy porn

Here’s the general corporate policy on porn on corporate computers:

Boobies will get you fired.

Don’t be the sad sack who turns his laptop over to Tech Support for repair with a few gigabytes of meticulously catalogued porn on the hard drive, only to be walked out to his car with his belongings in a box a few hours later.  I’ve seen it happen more than once, and it’s never a pretty sight.

any way to suck up water from wood floor

Shop vac, or lots of paper towels.

beating spouse in marriage

There is absolutely no excuse for hitting your spouse—none whatsoever.  There are very few lifeforms that rank lower in my eyes than a wife beater.  Being a bully is not manly, and if you are looking for justification for ending your marital arguments with your fist, you won’t find it here.

flight simulator x samsung nc10

The Samsung has the same graphics processor as all the other netbooks on the market.  (Under the hood, they’re all the same: Intel Atom processor, 1GB of RAM, XP Home, and 120-160GB hard drives.)  The graphics chip in the Samsung is the Intel GMA950 integrated GPU, which is a bit anemic, to put it mildly.  I was able to run World of Warcraft on my NC10, but the frame rate was usually in the single digits.  FS X wants lots of GPU grunt, and it’ll probably look awful and run very slowly on an NC10.  If you want to play a flight sim on your netbook, track down a copy of FS2004, which has much lower hardware requirements.  (You’ll need a no-CD patch, since the Samsung has no optical drive, and FS2004 requires a CD in the drive while playing.)

alphasmart neo backing up to a cell phone

The Neo has an infrared transfer function for sending text to computers with infrared capabilities.  I’ve heard of people using that function to send text files from the Neo to an infrared-enabled phone, for backup or remote filing of articles.

can you legally sell a kidney?

Sure, as long as it’s not a human one.  Remember: it’s better for people on the organ recipient list to die, than to run the risk of someone taking advantage of poor people by offering them cash for their kidneys.

batgrowl

That’s Christian Bale’s addition to the Batman mythos.  Tip: when you have to take four deep breaths to finish one sentence, you might be overacting just a little.

can you build up tolerance to thujone

Don’t know about that, but I know that you can build up a tolerance to iocane powder, which can come in handy if you ever find yourself having to go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

 

That’s it for this edition of the MSTS, friends and neighbors.  Tune in again next week, when we comb the blog stats for repeat instances of “pretty girl fuk” and other high-brow search queries!

26 thoughts on “monday search term safari LVII.

  1. Louise Townsend says:

    never too soon my friend……..🙂
    still chuckling in Vermont

  2. Holly says:

    You think that all the professional dancers who don’t put on a gauche little headband and prance around on stage like a spastic springbok may take offense to Michael Flatley proclaiming himself the supreme potentate of the art?

    They do! I’ve known a few.

  3. Tam says:

    It all depends on where you live, and how attentive the cagers in your area are.

    I’m not sure that “attentiveness” varies by a statistically significant amount with geography, but if we’ll posit that, say, 20% of all drivers, regardless of locale, are more or less completely asleep at the switch, I’d rather share a road with ten cars than a thousand…

  4. MarkHB says:

    On the subject of human organ transplants, I noticed an article in one of the propaganda rags newspapers around here that “Altruistic Organ Donations” are up 50%. That is, giving away your perfectly functioning kidney to a complete stranger.

    That this is legal, whereas actually turning a profit on such a procedure is not, totally boggles the mind.

    Let’s take a prime example the kind of donation most of us can do without major trauma: Bone Marrow. Piece of cake compared to hacking out a kidney, it’s something you can do multiple times (not quite like giving blood, but the stuff does grow back in time), though by all accounts absolutely agonising to donate.

    Here’s where I kinda skid to a halt. I love the idea of saving lives. But if it involves having a 16-gague canular needle drilled into my femur to schlurp out the Good Stuff then by all that’s sane I expect to be able to take a week on a beach in Malibu or something to make up for it while the anaesthetic gets replaced with alcohol. So I don’t. Which benefits nobody. Selfish? Damn straight.

  5. Stingray says:

    There is absolutely no excuse for hitting your spouse—none whatsoever.
    But… but… she had on the schoolgirl outfit! And had her hand in the cookie jar! And we discussed what would happen if she had a snack before dinner!

    Dammit. Where’d I put the receipt for this stupid paddle… paid extra for the leopard print naugahyde and everything.

  6. Ish says:

    Point of order, Michael Flatley played a character named the “Lord of the Dance,” the muscial’s plotline being something of a mashup of Celtic folklore and Biblical stories. Flatley no more proclaimed himself “Lord of the Dance,” than Charlton Heston proclaimed himself Moses, James Caviezel proclaimed himself the Christ, or Will Ferrell proclaimed himself a NASCAR driver.

    I understand that irish step dancing, in general, and Flatley’s perfomances, in particular, aren’t everyones cup of tea… But no one refers to Baryshnikov as “The Nutcracker.”

  7. LabRat says:

    As for the thujone, you won’t build up so much a tolerance to the stuff so much as it’ll start actually frying out your neurons instead of just giving your liver a chore.

  8. Lawyer says:

    Way to fit in a reference to The Princess Bride! One of my favorite movies.

  9. El Capitan says:

    “Boobies will get you fired.”

    Indeed. Several hundred MB of unclothed pre-pubescent children will get you fired, then frogmarched out in handcuffs to the local juzgado. Saw that happen twice in 7 years back in my tech support days. Both of the pedos were males between 50-60 years of age.

    What’s really amazing is both cases occurred after the company installed the IP logging software that could be accessed freely via the site’s intranet to show the browsing habits of everyone, from the site manager down to the receptionist. It takes a special kind of stupid to access not just p()rn, but kiddie p()rn when every site you visit is catalogued…

  10. ATLien says:

    I always thought Batman was speaking like that because he didn’t want people recognize his voice.

    And i put in a similar wife-beating query into a search engine to find out the Islamic rules for beating one’s wife. I wanted to show people how f-ed up it is.

  11. pdb says:

    beating spouse in marriage

    See, when I read that, my first reaction was: “It’s a competition? How do you keep score?”

    • Tam says:

      Heh. Me, too.

      I was like “Pphhtt! Beat?!? I’m sure I could totally pwn him at marriage.

      …which attitude probably explains why I’m still single at 40, come to think of it.

  12. Breda says:

    Even worse, Flatley is referring to himself as an ancient Celtic god.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cernunnos

    • Ish says:

      Except that he’s not… He playing a role, a character, based on that ancient god (amongst other characters of folklore). I never thought I’d find myself “supporting” Flatley, but why is this so hard to understand?

      The man is, in essence, an actor playing a part. When Morgan Freeman or George Burns played the part of “God” in multiple movies, no one went around saying they had declared themselves the Alpha and Omega. Same deal here.

  13. Sigivald says:

    There is absolutely no excuse for hitting your spouse—none whatsoever.

    Martial arts practice.

  14. Mycroft says:

    “beating spouse in marriage”
    “There is absolutely no excuse for hitting your spouse—none whatsoever. There are very few lifeforms that rank lower in my eyes than a wife beater. Being a bully is not manly …”

    Er … I thought ‘spouse’ was gender-neutral.

  15. Kristopher says:

    So … S & M is out then?

    And why did you assume the person being beaten was female?

    • Ish says:

      Simple statistics; although wife to husband violence does occur – an likely at greater rates than the data shows – the simple fact is that wife beating is far more common, historically and at present.

      • Kristopher says:

        It’s still an assumption.

        And your statistics only measure reported beatings. An abused male spouse is even less likely to report.

      • Ish says:

        Hence my saying that husband abuse does happeb “an[d] likely at greater rates than the data shows[.]” I acknowledge that it isn’t an unknown happenning, and I certainly don’t think its okay… But Marko’s offhand assumption of a female victim in a case of domestic violence is pretty much explained by the sheer disparity in the numbers.

  16. Marko says:

    Consenting slap-and-tickle stuff is an exception, of course. I don’t consider that “spouse beating.”

    • Kristopher says:

      If the spouse keeps protecting the abuser, and voluntarily goes back, even after court ordered separations, then how is this not consensual?

      Ugly yes … but until the victim says NO … how do you differentiate this from really rough sex?

      There is a great deal of biological hardwiring in the spouse us vs them thing … cops fear Domestic Violence calls … very dangerous. Often the abused spouse will jump in and help the abuser attack the police.

  17. Aaron says:

    Remember: it’s better for people on the organ recipient list to die, than to run the risk of someone taking advantage of poor people by offering them cash for their kidneys.

    I have to disagree (with the implication of your comment, obviously, not its literal meaning). Someone mentioned bone marrow donation earlier, and I don’t think there should be restrictions on trading that, but I really don’t see most people giving up one of their kidneys unless they’re absolutely desperate. There’s a village in Moldova (and certainly more elsewhere), for example, where an astonishing number of people have given up their kidneys for a little (very little) bit of money (it’s showed briefly in the interesting documentary series “Places That Don’t Exist” Trans-Dniester). The money didn’t last for very long or help much with the crushing poverty, and now a huge number of people are left without kidneys and are very vulnerable to potential health problems. I’m not even saying there should be a complete ban on selling one’s kidneys, but I think restrictions are absolutely reasonable. I understand you and most of your readers are conservative though, so you probably might not think it’s the government’s business to prevent this kind of thing.

    • Marko says:

      I’m not a conservative, actually.

      • Aaron says:

        Sorry, I just sort of assumed you were because of where I’ve seen your blog linked to and some of the comments. I haven’t lurked for long. Apologies, again.

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