monday search term safari LIX.

hunter shoots werewolf

Did that happen in your area recently?  If so, I have a suggestion: Move the fuck away from there.  Werewolves don’t make good neighbors, and replacing all the livestock every month can get expensive.

hk 91 oversized magazine release button

The HK91 is a semi-automatic G3, but it lacks one of the more convenient features of the G3, which is the paddle-type magazine release in front of the trigger guard.  That leaves only the button on the side of the magazine well, which is located about fifteen feet in front of your index finger.  A bigger button won’t make it easier to reach.

does a 45 long colt kick harder than a 357

That depends entirely on the heat rating of the ammunition you’re using.  The powder-puff Cowboy Action loads are just enough to drive the pill out of the barrel, and usually aren’t enough to make the gun move.  On the opposite end of the power spectrum, the hardcast hunting loads loaded up past .44 Magnum ballistics kick like mules, and should not be used in Grampa’s old Peacemaker.  In fact, if it has the words “hardcast” or “hunting” on the side of the box, you should only fire it in a gun that says “Ruger” on the side.

parker 51 for sale

Mine isn’t for sale, but you can find lots of them on eBay any given day.  Parker made millions of ‘em, so they’re not terribly hard to find.  Seek out the later Aerometric models instead of the earlier Vacumatics—the filler mechanism is much more robust, and a “51” Aero is more likely to work without needing a restore.  Vac fillers often need new membranes, which will add $30-50 to the price of the pen.

pallet equivalent to cord

Our pellet stove guy says that one pallet of wood pellets is equivalent to one and a half cords of split wood. 

dresden 1945

That would be “Places in Time You Want To Avoid Once You Get That Time Machine Running”.

does twice the ram mean twice the speed

Not generally.  Performance increase from adding RAM depends on many factors, but you’ll notice the biggest improvement when you upgrade from barely adequate to sufficient, and your system’s swap file doesn’t have to thrash the hard drive anymore.  Going from 512MB to 2GB on a Vista box will make a huge difference in boot and program loading times, but the difference between 2GB and 4GB is unnoticeable for most applications.

naming your kids after states

Skipping past the obvious joke of avoiding “Idaho”, it all depends on the chosen state name.  “Georgia” is OK, but you should only name your kid “Indiana” if you want to force him into a career as a combo archaeologist/adventurer. (Teach him the bullwhip early.)  Avoid state names like “Mississippi”, “Massachusetts”, and any other Indian-derived names that look like a forklift crashed into the Consonants section at the Scrabble factory.

what the fuck was wrong with adolf hitler

That’s a good question, and one that has prompted many authors to write many books on the subject.  I think that “What the fuck was wrong with the Germans in the 1930s?” is an equally fascinating question, but one that gets a little less airtime on the Hitler History Channel.  We like to distill bad events down to one single source of blame, because the more complex answers can only be found by asking inconvenient questions.  It’s always easier to point the finger and say “The devil/Hitler/Saddam/Bush/Elmo made me do it”, and we as a species naturally seem to gravitate to a single-antagonist feindbild.

a knife never runs out of ammo

And a gun never needs to be sharpened.  Your point?

Ammo independence is an overrated quality in defensive arms.  (Ask yourself why cops carry Glocks instead of Bowie knives on their belts, despite the undisputed ammo independence and effectiveness of the latter.)

how to sell your ideas for royalties

Ideas are cheap.  (Mine are a dime a dozen.)  Coming up with the idea is not even close to being the hardest part of writing a novel.  Sitting down and actually writing the damn thing is the hardest part. 

Never tell a writer “I have an awesome idea for a novel.  You can write it, and we can split the royalties!”  It will not get you the desired response.

what kind of a rifle would a .600 nitro be

Rifles chambered in .600 Nitro Express are very large and heavy things designed to kill the most dangerous four-legged game on the planet—things that can shred you or stomp you flat in a few seconds.  Whatever the hardware, a .600NE generates so much recoil that the saying goes, “Kills on one end, and maims on the other.”

how to get rid of a fisher cat

You could try shooting it.  If you’re opposed to killing even dangerous pest animals, you can try the Chicago method: post a whole bunch of signs around your property that say USE OF TEETH AND CLAWS ILLEGAL.

arkansas jokes involving cows, beer cans

I don’t know any, but I’m sure there’s no shortage of cow/beer can jokes in Arkansas.  Check with Jeff Foxworthy, a renowned expert on Regional Jokes of Rural Appalachia And Mudflap Country.


That’s it for this week’s edition.  Come on, people—feed me some more wacky moped searches, will you?


20 thoughts on “monday search term safari LIX.

  1. vinnie says:

    Pulled the pellet stove and put in a wood stove($25 auction steal). and spent the spring running around and volunteering to clean up the construction sites around the area. Kiln dried pine burns HOT and is free for the picking up.

  2. Laughingdog says:

    “Never tell a writer “I have an awesome idea for a novel. You can write it, and we can split the royalties!” It will not get you the desired response.”

    What about something like “I have an awesome idea for a novel. If you write it and it sells, you are so buying me a nice meal buddy.” Is that a safer question?

  3. Les Jones says:

    How about a joke that goes “A cow and a beer can walk into a Little Rock bar”? Marko, if you’ll write the rest of the joke I’ll split the royalties with you.

  4. Rob K says:

    For most users, adding RAM allows you to maintain speed as you add active programs (e.g. programs that you are switching between frequently) by allowing more programs to stay in RAM, instead of being swapped out. It really depends on where any particular program’s bottleneck is, though.

  5. Kristopher says:


    One serious danger when installing a mag release paddle on a CETME or HK … if you drill all the way through to install the release, you may have inadvertently manufactured an MG … if you can put a pin in there, you can install a full-auto trigger group with no modifications.

    The proper way to do this is to drill through one side, and only part way through the other, tap the hole, install the parts, and then grind off the screw head and weld a small puddle of metal over it and grind it partway off.

    Safer to just not do it, IMO … I did it on my CETME, and didn’t like the new mag release enough to consider it worth the effort.

  6. Louise Townsend says:

    in response to “how to get rid of a fisher cat”.
    Like your response/idea which brings me to road signs that read………
    “Moose Crossing 1 mile”;
    “Bear Crossing 2 miles”, etc.
    Also the sign I saw underwater while snorkeling that read…….
    My response is………
    what the hell! Do all those critters above ground and below the seas read OUR signs?
    Makes me shake my head and scratch my………
    well never mind…
    I forget I don’t have any. :~)

  7. ChrisB says:


    Why does it have to be one or the other with respect to guns and knives? Guns are great, I love them, but I also have a knife with me 24/7. Unfortunately I think people that don’t see the value in the other tool greatly overestimate the value in their tool.

  8. MarkHB says:

    Chris, I think it’s more a case of not overvaluing any given tool regarding the “knives don’t need reloading” thing. It sounds like the kind of declarative statement that rings of “therefore knives are better than guns”, instead of adopting a “right tool for the right job” mindset.

  9. wrm says:

    Freedom Arms make a damnfine revolver too.

    Endorse them, and split the royalties with me…

  10. ChrisB says:


    Well, they don’t need reloading, that doesn’t mean that they’re better overall, it’s pointing out an attribute of the tool.

    Check gun boards about how often people will talk smack about a different gun/caliber/ammunition, it’s both pathetic and amazing at the same time. Gun people actually make anti-gun arguments when they gush about how invincible they are with their “_____” pistol, I thought they were “just” tools, right?

  11. Blackwing1 says:

    Heinlein’s character in “The Moon is a Harsh Mistress” was named Wyoming Knott.

    “Call me Wye.”
    “Why not?”

    Mike agreed with Manny that it was a “funny-once” joke, like all puns.

  12. Jay says:

    Virginia is a perfectly acceptable state/child name. I have heard Louisiana used but don’t think it really works.

  13. Snake Eyes says:

    Bullshit! Bullshit!! Bullshit!!

    Marko, I love your blog and respect your opinion about firearms. That said, there isn’t a goddamn thing a .45LC Ruger can do that a Colt Anaconda can not, except be ugly.

    • Kristopher says:

      You think a single action pistol is ugly?

      For shame.

    • Kristopher says:

      The loads he was talking about are for single-action Blackhawks and lever action rifles.

      Put them through an Anaconda, and you will eventually Kaboom it.

    • Marko says:

      Snake Eyes,

      the presence of .45LC loads labeled “RUGER ONLY” is a bit of evidence to the contrary.

      I have no problem with the Anaconda (owned one in .44 Magnum myself once upon a time), but there are loads a Ruger Blackhawk will digest that would turn a ‘Conda into a hand grenade after a cylinder or two.

  14. MarkHB says:


    I was agreeing with you, feller! 😉 I don’t beat in nails with a screwdriver butt unless I can avoid it, nor do I try playing first-person shooters with a Wacom stylus. Insisting that one tool is the ONLY tool is ignoring the fact that it’s the mind directing the tool that’s the useful bit.

    People fall in love with their new toys sometimes – I try to be understanding about it. I know I do, too.

  15. Strings says:

    Since nobody else has mentioned it…

    Someone in Austria actually made a single action revolver chambered in .600NE. Originally made as a “one off”, it IS available for order, for the measly sum of $17K.

    Ran the numbers, using the formula for IPSC power factor. You need a PF of 165 or higher to be considered firing a “major” caliber. My Automag tips the scales with a PF of 300. This revolver hits 1125…

    I want one, for the next time I hear some overly-testeroned idiot telling someone they need to be using a “man’s gun”…

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