reason #42997 i like twitter.

There’s been a fun string of Tweets under the hashtag #failedchildrensbooktitles, and I thought I’d share some of the ones that made me laugh.  Humor is definitely my favorite human quality, and I’m impressed with the amount of comedic talent out there on the Intertubes.



Curious George and Daddy’s Browser History

Guess How Much I Love Your Much More Talented Sister

Cha-lee and the Sweatshop Factory

Pop! Goes The Hamster…And Other Great Microwave Games

The Little Sissy Who Snitched

The Way We Were–A guide to saving your parents’ marriage once you’ve ruined it with your birth.

The Bi-Polar Express

Where the Sidewalk Ends in a Chalk Outline and Police Tape

Exploring the Vans of Strangers: The Ride of Your Life.

Charlie and the Chocolate Starfish

Why You Shouldn’t Talk To Strangers: A Picture Book

The Very Horny Caterpillar

Mother Grey Goose Rhymes

The Little Engine That Drinks Like Your Mommy

Little Red Ridin’ The Whole Hood

Green Eggs and Salmonella

Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

The Indian In The Casino

Patty Went Splat (Don’t YOU Forget To Wear Your Seatbelt)

Everybody Poops Blood

Rebecca of Auctioned Farms

Heather Has Two Uzis (my contribution)

The Berenstain Bears, The School Bully, And Grandpa’s Old Tommy Gun (mine as well)

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Useless Degree

Charlotte’s XXX Website

Bi-Curious George

Oh, the Places You’ll Die!

Daddy Hits Mommy Because You Won’t Shut Up

The Selfish Tree

LOL! Are You My Stalker?

The Scat In The Hat

Mommy Hides The Best Candy Above The Bathroom Sink

I’m Not Learning To Read, And You Can’t Make Me, Elmo

The Big Book of Incest

See Spot Fight, by Michael Vick

A Roofie For Caroline

On The Night You Were Conceived

The Lion, the Witch and the British Word For Closet

Horton Hears A Jew

If You Give A Mouse A Condom

Mechanically Separated Chicken Little

Off-White and the Seven Vertically Challenged But Valued Members of Society

The Day Suzy Was So Bad Her Mother Stopped Loving Her

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Hangover

Chitty Chitty Gang Bang

The Tragic School Bus Visits North Korea


18 thoughts on “reason #42997 i like twitter.

  1. MarkHB says:

    “Daddy Drinks Because You Cry”

    “The Fortune Cookie the Condom Wasn’t”

    “Where You Never Point on the Dolly”

  2. “how twitter chatter replaced pitter patter in the hearts of moms and dads”

    twitter; the c.b. radio of the new millenium…10-4 good buddy.


  3. Sarah says:

    *gigglesnort* Thank you for sharing. These made my day.

  4. Rick in NY says:

    Thanks for sharing, Marko! Those were great!

  5. elmo_iscariot says:


    THere’s actually a song called “Bi-Curious George” on the album “Hello Kinky!” by The Wet Spots. 🙂

  6. The Little Engine that Pulled a Train

  7. =( I’m still banned on Twitter. And I don’t know why. *sniff* It makes me sad.

  8. staghounds says:

    Somethingawful did a Fotoshop Friday of these as covers a couple of years ago, truly hilarious.

  9. Kristopher says:

    Yep … stolen meme.

  10. […] Wrong It’s Good Filed under: Japery — williamthecoroner @ 17:01 Marko’s string of failed children’s book titles.  Between the Bi-Polar Express and Where the Sidewalk Ends in a Chalk Outline.  It just appeals […]

  11. Borepatch says:

    Goodnight Moonshine

  12. MarkHB says:

    The Little Vicisectionist Who Could

  13. Don Meaker says:

    There is a real book, Caldecott award winner and everything….”The Matchlock Gun” where a boy uses his father’s outdated matchlock gun to kill Indians and save his mother and sister. Dad was out performing militia service….

    Still available after all these years. Perhaps the most politically incorrect book you can imagine these days. Of course I loved it!

  14. JSJS says:

    Harry Pooper and the Sorcerer’s Bone

  15. MarkHB says:

    Don Meaker’s post reminds me that I must dig out the sketches of a piezoelectrically trigger cold-dye laser. I will – I must – make the Flintlock Raygun a reality.

  16. Stretch says:

    Not Chitty-Chitty Gang Bang
    It’s Nitty Gritty Gang Bang.
    First saw that on the side of an old DC Transit Bus.

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