You know what I’m really sick of lately? The instant role reversals between conservatives and liberals as soon as we get a new tenant in the White House. What was acceptable and right before suddenly becomes all wrong when the other guys are doing it, and vice versa.
(And don’t think I’m pointing the finger at just one side of the political spectrum here—both Democrats and Republicans are guilty of this in equal measure.)
As a public service, I’ve prepared a little chart that lets you properly voice your partisan outrage at selected offenses that may pop up in the news. Just look up an offense, and find the proper reaction in the column matching the offender’s political persuasion relative to your own.
|Offense||When one of us does it, it’s…||When one of them does it, it’s…|
|Taking bribes; hiding $90k in your freezer||A personal failing that in no way reflects the principles of our party||Symptomatic of their culture of corruption and personal enrichment|
|Depicting the President as a monkey/the Joker||Daring art, protected free speech||Dangerous, cynical, and mean-spirited|
|Bumper sticker: “Not My President”||Patriotic dissent||Treason|
|Issuing Executive Orders that ignore the Constitution||Necessary emergency measure to deal with a temporary threat to the country||Treasonous, dictatorial autocratic measure that flies in the face of established law|
|Using a teleprompter||Necessary technology to make the job a little easier||Evidence that the speaker can’t form their own sentences or thoughts|
|Drinking foreign beer||Evidence of independence and lack of concern for fickle public sentiment; personal choice||Evidence of lack of patriotism; bad taste|
|Halting speech; misused words||Folksiness; authenticity||Mental retardation|
|Use of signing statements||Assertiveness; strong leadership||Imperial Presidency; autocracy|
|Veto based on personal beliefs rather than Constitutional fidelity concerns||Evidence for a solid moral compass; a principled stand||Ideological fanaticism|
|Cheating on your wife||A personal failing that in no way reflects the principles of our party||Symptomatic of their institutional hypocrisy|
|Putting your kids in private school||Common sense because of security concerns||Abandoning the public education system|
|Herding protesters into special “Free Speech” zones||The proper way to deal with potentially dangerous ideological extremists||Trampling on First Amendment rights; evidence of arrogance and detachment from the people|
|Vacationing||…no big deal. The man needs a break every now and then.||…outrageous. The country is facing all these problems, and the man takes time off?|
|Talking of “regime change in Washington”||Patriotic dissent; evidence of an independent mind||Treasonous talk; evidence of ideological extremism|
|Wearing tribal garb on foreign visits||Courtesy; evidence of cultural sensitivity||Kissing ass; kow-towing to foreign leaders|
|Running for major national office while young and politically inexperienced||A fresh breath; someone who’s not yet corrupted by the system; a new perspective||Fatal inexperience; unsuitability for such an important job; reckless personal ambition|
Does that about cover it, or did I miss anything?