a handy guide to political outrage.

You know what I’m really sick of lately?  The instant role reversals between conservatives and liberals as soon as we get a new tenant in the White House.  What was acceptable and right before suddenly becomes all wrong when the other guys are doing it, and vice versa.

(And don’t think I’m pointing the finger at just one side of the political spectrum here—both Democrats and Republicans are guilty of this in equal measure.)

As a public service, I’ve prepared a little chart that lets you properly voice your partisan outrage at selected offenses that may pop up in the news.  Just look up an offense, and find the proper reaction in the column matching the offender’s political persuasion relative to your own.


Offense When one of us does it, it’s… When one of them does it, it’s…
Taking bribes; hiding $90k in your freezer A personal failing that in no way reflects the principles of our party Symptomatic of their culture of corruption and personal enrichment
Depicting the President as a monkey/the Joker Daring art, protected free speech Dangerous, cynical, and mean-spirited
Bumper sticker: “Not My President” Patriotic dissent Treason
Issuing Executive Orders that ignore the Constitution Necessary emergency measure to deal with a temporary threat to the country Treasonous, dictatorial autocratic measure that flies in the face of established law
Using a teleprompter Necessary technology to make the job a little easier Evidence that the speaker can’t form their own sentences or thoughts
Drinking foreign beer Evidence of independence and lack of concern for fickle public sentiment; personal choice Evidence of lack of patriotism; bad taste
Halting speech; misused words Folksiness; authenticity Mental retardation
Use of signing statements Assertiveness; strong leadership Imperial Presidency; autocracy
Veto based on personal beliefs rather than Constitutional fidelity concerns Evidence for a solid moral compass; a principled stand Ideological fanaticism
Cheating on your wife A personal failing that in no way reflects the principles of our party Symptomatic of their institutional hypocrisy
Putting your kids in private school Common sense because of security concerns Abandoning the public education system
Herding protesters into special “Free Speech” zones The proper way to deal with potentially dangerous ideological extremists Trampling on First Amendment rights; evidence of arrogance and detachment from the people
Vacationing …no big deal. The man needs a break every now and then. …outrageous.  The country is facing all these problems, and the man takes time off?
Talking of “regime change in Washington” Patriotic dissent; evidence of an independent mind Treasonous talk; evidence of ideological extremism
Wearing tribal garb on foreign visits Courtesy; evidence of cultural sensitivity Kissing ass; kow-towing to foreign leaders
Running for major national office while young and politically inexperienced A fresh breath; someone who’s not yet corrupted by the system; a new perspective Fatal inexperience; unsuitability for such an important job; reckless personal ambition


Does that about cover it, or did I miss anything?


39 thoughts on “a handy guide to political outrage.

  1. Aaron says:

    I notice that, with just a couple exceptions, I tend to act on the ‘not my party’ option regardless of who’s in charge. Except for the foreign beer and vacations, after all no one should have to work all the time and drink fizzy yellow beer.

  2. Aaron says:

    Oh, and also the private schooling. Either that or homeschooling is simply a sign of common sense.

  3. Tam says:

    But… but… but… it’s all their fault!

  4. Justin Buist says:

    It’d probably benefit from an “In Reality” column tacked on to the end.

  5. Caleb says:

    Justin, but “In Reality” could be summed up with “they’re all a bunch of assholes”.

    • crankylitprof says:

      I think that’s implied.

      Look at it this way: the market for tar, pitchforks and feathers is very bullish lately.

  6. MeatAxe says:

    man, I wish I’d thought of this… its really good.

  7. scotaku says:

    Well thank goodness this is only a thought experiment! Just imagine if one of our elected officials or citizenry actually did something on the list! Appalling.

    An excellent chart, Marko. It’s a good thing that one of *them* didn’t come up with it – then it’d be all wrong.

  8. I am glad to say that I generally don’t care about piddly things like what beer is being drunk, no matter what party. But I hate both parties. And most politicians are asses who deserve more ridicule.

    On the other hand, watching the media spin the current anti-health care protests compared to the way they cover left wing protests (of anything – war, WTO, et al) is fairly interesting.

    • Sam says:

      “On the other hand, watching the media spin the current anti-health care protests compared to the way they cover left wing protests (of anything – war, WTO, et al) is fairly interesting.”

      That’s sort of my mentality. It’s laughable to take either party seriously, but the outright bias toward the Democratic position is pretty… heinous.

  9. Jay G. says:

    Excellent list, Marko. Sums up pretty much everything I hate about the current two party system.

    The media coverage, tho’, is appalling. Simply appalling.

  10. […] Marko hits the nail on the head with this. […]

  11. smijer says:

    So, who’s going to start the campaign to amend the Constitution to create proportional representation and require instant runoff voting?

  12. perlhaqr says:

    Obama drinks foreign beer!?! That’s possibly the first thing I’ve agreed with him on yet, then.

    • Marko says:

      Worse…he drinks Bud Light, which carries the stigma of foreign beer (lack of patriotism), and the stigma of American beer (lack of flavor), in one convenient bottle-shaped package.

      • joated says:

        Bud Light? That’s not a beer. Not a beer at all.

      • perlhaqr says:

        Oooooh, that’s right. I forgot that Buttwiper was owned by Belgians now.

        Man. Why? Why would you drink that when there’s stuff like Arrogant Bastard and Oaked Yeti in the world? (Yes, I’m aware those are both domestic brands. :D)

      • Bruce says:

        The only decent thing he ever did on the campaign trail was order up a PBR draft at some cheeseball photo-op somewhere.

        Now, that’s an AMERICAN beer.

        Better than Bud, costs less.

      • shadowwar says:

        This is why all American’s should drink Yuengling. Best damn lager, ever. It needs to move out of the east coast.

  13. MarkHB says:

    But but but but the wrong lizard might get in!

    Nice one, feller.

  14. Here’s one:

    Changing one’s opinion or stance:

    us: Adapting for the better to an ever-changing world
    them: Flip flopping, clear proof of ideological lacking.

  15. correia45 says:

    But what if I just despise them all? 🙂

  16. KingsideRook says:

    Ha! Nice one, Marko. It’s hard being a true Libertarian where I work sometimes. The double standard can be infuriating.


  17. Litch says:

    So how much effort do you have to go through to miss all the criticism of the obama administration from the left when he pulls some of the bullshit bush plays?

    There is some small degree of equivalency, but nothing like you are wanking about.

    • Marko says:

      About as much effort as you would have had to exert to miss all the criticism of the Bush administration from the non-neocon conservatives and libertarians when he did pull his bullshit.

      Oh, but wait…I forgot. We are an intellectually diverse, informed group that has a culture of internal dissent. They are a bunch of like-minded drones, marching in lockstep to the tune of their leaders.

      You see what you want to see, I guess.

  18. dusty says:

    Pardoning felons.
    Ballot irregularities.

    • ravenshrike says:

      By definition, wouldn’t a pardon have to apply to felons? I really couldn’t see the president using his pardon ability on a misdemeanor after all.

  19. I.T. says:

    I haven’t seen this before.. and it’s brilliant!

    Marko… you know that they found out higher brain functions are not used by many people when discussing politics?

    We’re all screwed, I think.

  20. swampthingFI says:

    NIH-syndrome at it’s worst.

    (NIH = Not Invented Here)

  21. theladymel says:


  22. dani305 says:

    Wow, now I understand how much Dems hated Bush. It’s the exact feelings I have for Obama. It’s really not hard to empathize as I thought.

  23. Nylarthotep says:

    I’d say add “concerned citizery” and Mob, but that is a bit hard to prove with the “concerned citizens” of the SEIU and ACORN being bussed into town hall meetings to keep unorganized citizens from getting into the building.

    I’ve still to hear of what organization is doing the same for those against Obamacare. I suppose the Tea Partiers are organized in a way, but don’t have paid officials doing the organizing with the politicos.

    Well it was a thought.

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