monday search term safari LXIII.

freedom of speech is not a collective right

No, it isn’t, because collective rights don’t exist.  But if the First Amendment got the same respect given to the Second Amendment by the anti-gun crowd, your right to free speech would be satisfied by delegating it to a government journalist, who will speak on your behalf.  You could exercise the religion of your choice, as long as you pray in a government-registered church, practicing a faith that’s approved by the Bureau of Religious Activity.  You wouldn’t be able to personally take part in a peaceful assembly, but delegate that right to approved Citizen Protesters instead, who draw a government paycheck for the full-time protesting jobs they do on your behalf.  You could own a typewriter, but it would have to be serial-numbered and registered, and nobody outside of government would really need an electric model, or (gasp!) one with automatic error correction or built-in high-capacity memory.

"steve alten" meg "over and over" "same

It’s a sin in this house to deface or destroy books.  That said, I will tell you that the only novel I’ve ever physically thrown into the garbage can was Steve Alten’s “Meg”.  You may draw your own conclusion from this information.

alphasmart ubuntu

The Alphasmart Manager software won’t run on Ubuntu, so you won’t be able to send text to the Alphie, but it still works the other way, as a buffered USB keyboard.  You can open any app on Ubuntu that takes text input, and send the contents of your Alphasmart’s files to it by pressing “Send”.

playing civ on a laptop without a num pad

Get an external USB numpad.  Those are around $20 in most places.  Most laptops also use the regular keyboard as a number pad, a function you can usually turn on with the Num Lock key.

how fast do werewolves heal

However fast you want them to, because they don’t actually exist.  You make up their abilities as you write about them.  Try to avoid the done-to-death tropes, and play with the genre conventions a bit.  My favorite werewolf stories are the ones where the werewolf isn’t quite the hairy-at-full-moon-and-allergic-to-silver kind of creature.

what can you do with an alphasmart 3000

You can write, and that’s pretty much it.  No Facebook, no IMs, no Twitter, no Solitaire.  All you can do is write, which is one of the big charms of the Alphasmart series.  There’s nothing to distract you from getting your work done.

softair m41-b pulse rifle

Nobody makes one of those.  The movie version of the M-41A was a Thompson M1 submachine gun mated to a Remington 870 pump-action shotgun, and wrapped in a funky plastic cowling.  Your best bet would be to acquire soft-air versions of those guns, buy a resin kit for the outer shell, and then put the whole thing together yourself.

locking under car seat drawer

Our Grand Caravan (which now goes by Dodge Grand Marnier) has a lockable drawer under the passenger seat, which is pretty handy for storing flashlights, First AId kits, and baggies of uncut cocaine.  (Kidding, BATFE agents surfing the Intertubes!  I’m a parent, I can’t afford cocaine.)

winchester silvertip "actual silver"

No, they’re not.  They’re aluminum-washed lead.  I like to carry them for reloads because they don’t tarnish in the pockets.  If they were actual silver, they’d look black after a month of riding in a jeans pocket.

i fucked up the roof

I speak from recent experience when I say that restoring a roof to un-fucked-up status is a rather expensive undertaking.  One should generally avoid fucking up one’s roof, or buying a house that comes with a pre-fucked-up roof. 

neo by alphasmart get information off

Open the file that contains the text you want to get off the Neo.  Plug in a USB cable between Neo and host computer.  Open an application that accepts text input, and hit the “Send” button at the top right of your Neo’s keyboard.  The text will flow into your application as if a typist on meth and Red Bull is typing it in.

ain´t no glock like the one i got

I hate to be the one breaking the news to you, but there are plenty of Glocks just like the one you’ve got.  They make hundreds and thousands just like it at the Glock factory every month.  It’s a generic plastic cop gun full of toaster parts—and that’s what’s nice about it, because you can carry it the way you’re supposed to without worrying about messing up the pretty finish.  Also, if it breaks or gets taken from you, you can get another one just like it, stick it into the same holster, and be about your business.


Back to work now, peasant-worker heroes of the Revolution!  Remember, from each according to their inability to fake busy work, or some shit like that.  Tune in again next week for another installment!


18 thoughts on “monday search term safari LXIII.

  1. Jay G. says:

    No, they’re not. They’re aluminum-washed lead. I like to carry them for reloads because they don’t tarnish in the pockets. If they were actual silver, they’d look black after a month of riding in a jeans pocket.

    I seem to remember a discussion like this at the Bloggershoot, whereby I emptied the Snubbie from Hell™ to reveal the DEFINITELY-no-longer-copper-colored JHP Hydra-Shoks… 😉

    • Marko says:

      Don’t care if they tarnish in the gun. (That’s why the load in the cylinder is pure, grade-A, unjacketed lead.) It’s the stuff in the pockets that rubs off.

  2. Al T. says:

    Glock: Making three dollar Chinese hammers look custom…….

    (I have several Glocks, so I’m not a hater)

  3. scotaku says:

    The Dodge Grand Marnier, huh? I’m assuming it comes in orange, and that’s about it. I’m also assuming that it doesn’t do the job as well as you’d like, but what the hell, something’s better than nothing.

  4. My favorite werewolf stories are the ones where the werewolf isn’t quite the hairy-at-full-moon-and-allergic-to-silver kind of creature.

    Strictly curious: what did you think of Larry Corriea’s interpretation in MHI?


  5. Blackwing1 says:

    “…practicing a faith that’s approved by the Bureau of Religious Activity”

    In the US, this is currently referred to as “the IRS”, who get to determine which churches are state-approved, and which aren’t.

    Got a state-sanctioned church? Well, you get to exempt durn near everything from taxes, including property. Your church isn’t state-sanctioned? Cough up the dough, mac.

    Funny how, “…shall make no law…” turned into a whole pile of laws and regulations concerning what’s tax-exempt and what isn’t, with an un-elected, non-responsive, unaccountable bureaucrat making the decisions.

    • Marko says:

      Easy solution: remove tax-exempt status for all churches.

      The way many of them steer the flock one way or the other at election time, they really ought to pay to play like the rest of us, anyway.

      • Why are churches tax-exempt in the first place?

        Maybe you should take advantage of that and start a church worshiping the Great Pumpkin and write off your vacations as a “spirit journey” to reconnect with the Pumpkin’s divine energy. It seems Jesse Jackson wrote off financing his children through his tax-free Rainbow-PUSH coalition. .

      • MarkHB says:

        RAmen, brother, RAmen. Lose the tax-exemption, remove the ability to just shuffle a paedo priest to another parish, dissolve any and all special legal rights for churches that J. Random Business doesn’t get. Stop treating religion like any kind of special case – it’s just another bunch of groupthinkers.

      • Tam says:

        Easy solution: remove tax-exempt status for all churches.

        Alternative solution for the block: If it’s mentioned in the BoR, you can’t tax it!

        Churches! Guns! ($press)!

        Failing that, we’ll go with the other solution: Nobody’s exempt. That way we turn Moral Oral and General Dynamics into stars of the tax base. 🙂

      • theflatwhite says:

        The idea with tax exemption has to do with “shall make no law.”
        It’s a dangerous road to travel when you start taxing the exercise of a civil right. The current system we have for tax exempt entities isn’t perfect, but …

        Another thing, most independent churches (including my own) would qualify for tax exemption solely on the basis we never turn a profit. Funds left over after operating costs are given away. Saying the .gov should tax us twice: our income AND the gifts given to our church for operating expenses and outreach as taxable is … perverse.

        Sfunny. A lot of flowery words are spoken here regarding the sanctity of our rights, and just ridicule passed on those who only want to
        preserve rights they “like.” But church? “yea let’s stick it to those money grubbers!”

        Tam has an excellent point.

  6. CarbonNitride says:

    I’m sorry if this question has already been answered before but where do you get your search terms from?

  7. well, shit…the atf boys are surfing the toobz for dopers now? who knew?


    “Easy solution: remove tax-exempt status for all churches.”

    better solution: replace tax-exempt status for all…


    • planetcaveman says:

      Corporations should pay tax, if they get the benefit of limited liability from the state they should have to pay for it.

      • Kristopher says:

        Corps always pass on taxes to consumers.

        Better solution: Eliminate corporate immunity. Without that state-created shield, investors would be loath to give money to organizations too large for them to watch.

  8. jrshirley says:

    My favorite day of the blog-week! Thanks.


  9. ATLien says:

    Silly monkey, corporations don’t pay taxes.

    Econ 101 fail.

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