monday search term safari LXIV.

hughesnet proplus warcraft latency

We’re on the ProPlus plan, and the latency is the same it was when we were on the basic plan: 700ms at a minimum, and around 1000ms on most days.  That’s because the signal still goes up to the same satellite twice, and that satellite is still in the same orbit.  That said, once you get used to the slight casting lag, you won’t have a problem playing.  Just don’t invest yourself too heavily in PvP, because the latency means you’ll get your ass kicked quite often.

dream where you are on top of a mountain

I know there are books and experts and such on “dream interpretation”, but I think it’s all a bunch of unscientific, pseudo-enlightened New Age psychobabble, no more respectable or accurate than astrology.  I subscribe to the Calvin & Hobbes theory of dream origination: when you’re asleep, the little dudes that run your brain on the night shift pass the time by dragging up movie reels from your subconscious.

toy guns for children m1 +garand

That one brings to mind Irwin Mainway, the sleazy toy salesman played by Dan Aykroyd on SNL.  One of the toys he sells is the Johnny Combat Action costume.  (“With a real, working M-1 Garand!”)

manditory sterilization for unfit parent

First off, the word is mandatory.  Second, who will get to decide what constitutes “unfit parenting”?  Sure, you think it’ll only apply to people who abuse their kids, but before you know it, not sending them to church on a Sunday (or sending them to church on a Sunday, depending on which mob is in charge at the time) can get your reproductive plumbing wrecked by the government.  No, thanks.  (Third, sterilization won’t exactly fix the problem, will it?  I mean, they’re already parents.)

werewolf movie woman giving the bird

That’s the campy schlockfest “Cursed”, with Christina Ricci and Joshua Jackson.  It was directed by Wes Craven, but don’t let that lull you into thinking you’ll be watching a horror movie.  It’s more of an unintentional-comedy-slash-bad-CGI-showreel kind of flick.

ideal anti vampire cartridge

A twelve-gauge slug, loaded into a shotgun and fired at whatever Stephenie Meyer uses to write her novels, so we’ll be spared any more sequels to “Twilight”.

alphasmart 3000 vs neo

They do the same job—plain text input—but the Neo is newer (ha!), has twice the memory of the 3000, and a much better keyboard.  It also has some functions missing on the 3000, such as a word count feature.


Okay, Internets.  Now that I have the short list of semi-original search terms for this week out of the way, I need to have a word with you.

Can you explain to me your strange obsession with midget porn, Internets?  I mean, Jeez O’Pete.  A quarter of my search terms for the last few months have been variations of strings looking for imagery of vertically-challenged folk engaging in carnal activities.  This has got to stop, because you’re crowding out the other search terms, and then I run out of material for my Search Term Safari.  Do you want that, Internets?  Well, do ya?  Huh?  So knock it off already.

That’s it for this week, friends and neighbors!  Now put your shoulders back into your respective rocks, and keep pushing that shit uphill!  Tune in again next week…provided I can find something other than “midgit fuk” in the Search Term section of my blog stats page come Monday.


8 thoughts on “monday search term safari LXIV.

  1. no comments on msts and it’s near 1 p.m.?

    looks like you’ll have to address a little sex query.

    just a short post, you know?

    “…explain to me your strange obsession with midget porn…”

    well, you do have munchkin in your name.


  2. MarkHB says:

    The toy guns for children thing reminds me of a lovely bit in Hogfather.

    “You can’t give him that for Hogswatch! It’s a real sword!”


    “He might hurt himself!”


  3. jbrock says:

    … provided I can find something other than “midgit fuk” in the Search Term section of my blog stats page come Monday.

    I couldn’t resist. Not surprisingly, this post was one of two Google search results for that phrase, spelled in that way.

    The other result was for something apparently called Canberra Cruises. I couldn’t bring myself to go there.

  4. Dave R. says:

    ideal anti vampire cartridge

    A fair point re Stephenie Meyer, but you’ve reminded me: accepting the premise of the question, I once thought of a double barreled shotgun, with shells with the pellets removed and the crimping trimmed, and stakes turned on a lathe so they just fit into the shells. Load shells, then insert stakes in the barrels and tamp down into the shells. Yes, I think about these things.

    • Murgy says:

      So, is it the Stake that does the job, or the Wood?

      I’m not so keen on tamping sharpened stakes onto primed cartridges, can I have option 2 please?

      If you haven’t yet, go read Monster Hunter Int’l for a neat trick along the lines of what you’re proposing.

  5. Kristopher says:

    I’d advocate mandatory sterilization for those who advocate mandatory sterilization programs … except for the fact that I don’t want to be mandatorially sterilized.

    Oh, and wasn’t Major Caudill a migdetporn star? Worked extensively with Bridget, I believe.

  6. ravenshrike says:

    Oh no, you don’t get sequel’s, you get something far, far worse. The Twilight series told from Edward’s point of view.

  7. Anon says:

    Third, sterilization won’t exactly fix the problem, will it? I mean, they’re already parents.

    Funny story about that. Sorta.

    A cousin of mine had 3 children from 3 different men, all unplanned and never raised any of them for more than a few years before other family members took custody of them.

    I always figure she got her tubes tied after the 3rd because that’s when the nonsense stopped.


    Turns out after she gave birth to the 3rd child she let some dude get all up in her while she was still in the hospital. Yeah, gross.

    She had some funny business going on with her lady bits after that but the doctors didn’t know what the cause was. Guess they didn’t figure a woman that just gave birth would be getting an STD.

    They were wrong. Chlamydia! Caught too late and now she’s sterile.

    Thank God.

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