monday search term safari LXVI.

will a nh black bear eat my chickens

That depends on your state of residence.  If you live in New Hampshire, a New Hampshire black bear may very well eat your chickens.  If you live in Oregon or New Mexico, your chickens are probably safe from New Hampshire black bears, because they’re not allowed on planes, and usually don’t have the cash for cross-country bus tickets.

being a parent is like slavery

That’s a bit of a douchy way to look at parenting. 

Look, sport, a slave doesn’t get to pick his master.  You, on the other hand, choose to become a parent.  (If you don’t want to become one, but have sex without precautions anyway, then you still have made a choice.)  If you think that raising kids is slavery, then you probably shouldn’t have kids.

maroon beret

Maroon is the almost universal beret color for airborne troops worldwide.  There are a few exceptions—Russian airborne troops wear sky blue berets, for example.  Generally, however, a maroon-colored beanie on a soldier’s head means that he/she is member of an airborne outfit.

alphasmart is for stupid people

Is not!  Neener, neener!

Seriously, what the hell kind of technology assessment is that?  What are you, twelve?  (You’re totally wrong, too.  Alphasmarts are for writers who want to get shit done without wasting the day on PooTube and the Facebooks, and without having to worry about battery life.)

steyr m9 butt stock

In the U.S., you can’t put a buttstock on a pistol, because you’ll be creating an unlicensed SBR (short-barreled rifle), which is a dreadful felony offense in the eyes of the Federales.  That kind of slip-up can draw the attention of the BATFEIEIO, and get you five to ten in Club Fed.

olympia typewriter margin cancel

On my two Olympias, there are tab set/cancel buttons on either side of the space bar.  You can also flip the little lever on the right side of the carriage, and move it through its stops from right to left, which will clear all the tab settings.  For margin release, press the key with the four dots arranged in a square, which will let you override the right-hand margin.

mid-novel slump

I think everyone who’s ever written a novel has encountered the dreaded Mid-Novel Slump.  That’s when the fire you felt at the start of your novel is almost entirely out, the end is nowhere in sight yet, and you think that Chapter 15 is the shittiest shit in the history of shit, and that it would be a mercy and a favor to the rest of the world to just delete everything and spend your time leveling a night elf rogue to 80 instead.

If you’re in the grasp of Mid-Novel Slump: just keep slogging.  You’ll get over it, and sooner or later you’ll pick up momentum on the downhill run to the finish line.

"the pawnbroker" , nude

Uh, jtc?  Have you been moonlighting with your webcam on the Intertubes?  Is this a niche fetish of some sort? 

(If you have, and it is, then please, for the love of all you hold dear…NO LINKS.)

bipolar bear munchkin

Bipolar Bear is a character in my planned series of kid books.  (“When he was good, he was really, really good…but when he was bad, he was horrid.”)


There’s your brief Monday diversion from the soul-crushing burden that is the start of the work week.  Glad to be of help!


11 thoughts on “monday search term safari LXVI.

  1. ditto says:

    What does the Pawnbroker have to do with midgets?

  2. MarkHB says:

    What’s this black rectangle on by browser window? It’s near the bottom of the Search Term Safari, moves with the text and just won’t go away.

    *check internal settings*

    Oh, never mind – that’s happenning between my optic nerves and my brain.

    Regarding Bipolar Bear, will he share a magic glade with Mr. Binge and Mr. Purge, the Bulimia Faeries?

  3. scotaku says:

    Bipolar Bear was a character on the web-cartoon “Queer Duck.” I don’t know if one would need to negotiate rights to use the name. Ted Nugent might know, but I’m not sure he’s aware of the cartoon.

    Probably doesn’t make much difference.

  4. MarkHB says:

    “Teddy Lithium”?

  5. Dave says:

    The “Bipolar Bear” in question is from the Munchkin card game (or, more correctly, one of the expansions). If you haven’t played, I highly recommend it–it’s just demented enough to be hilarious.

  6. Grant says:

    As a lifelong Oregon resident, I can confirm that chickens out here are in fact never eaten by NH black bears. They are, however, occasionally eaten by Oregon black bears, which are similar to their cousins in NH except they have no accent.

    -=[ Grant ]=-

  7. James Nelson says:

    ” The Pawnbroker” is a movie starring Rod Steiger as a concentration camp survivor who runs a pawnshop in NYC. It has a memorable nude scene where a prostitute exposes her breasts to try to get him to give money. The scene is memorable because it was any nude scene was very unusual in American movies at the time. It is a very good movie.

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