gender, schmender.

Breda fires off the Quote of the Day (nay, the Quote of the Month) regarding feminism and gender roles:

Feminists, of all people, should realize that there is no "woman’s work." There is only work – and somebody has to do it.

I’ll borrow that one next time someone talks smack about stay-at-home Dads as doing “women’s work.”  There is only work, and as long as it gets done, who gives a shit whether the person on the job has exterior or interior reproductive plumbing?

Besides, without claiming superiority over those who don’t have the opportunity or ability to stay at home with their kids, I’d say that making sure your kids are safe and raised well is at least as important a job as wrangling a spreadsheet for someone else, or fixing Salesdrone 47’s Windows problem for the 321st time…


17 thoughts on “gender, schmender.

  1. Bob S. says:

    My wife likes to do yard work, she previously had a lawn care business; I lived in apartments for 20 years to avoid yard work.

    Guess who does most of the yard work.

    I learned to iron when I was in the military. I like to put sharp creases on my clothes; my wife isn’t good at ironing and doesn’t like to do it.

    Guess who does most of the ironing.

    Great line, There is only work – and somebody has to do it.

    A corollary to this is my brother in law who is an excellent mechanic. I’m good with computers.
    We trade off and both of us come out ahead because we respect each others abilities.
    It’s only work and someone has to do it.

  2. PlanetCaveman says:

    There are exceptions, giving birth to children actually IS women’s work.

  3. Kevin S says:

    There is no more important job in my opinion than making sure my kids are safe and raised well. Success in that regard trumps career success. I’d much rather be remembered as a great dad than a great chemist.

  4. Aaron says:

    Agreed! Much like Marko, I stay at home and write (unlike him, I’m not published yet) and you bet I do work around the house. Wifey hasn’t hasn’t had to clean a bathroom in years and I consider that a mark of pride. I cook, clean, do laundry, feed the children, etc and only a fool would think that diminishes my masculinity in any way.

    On the flip side, my wife LIKES cooking and yard work and sewing up kid’s clothes. Does that make her any less the fiercely competent, driven woman she is?

    How can ‘feminists’ claim to be liberating when they condemn a woman for doing doing what she enjoys or feels compelled to to (such as nuturing children)?

    That’s not liberating, it’s trying to force someone into your own mold.

  5. Rusty P Bucket says:

    Yeah well, you run with that Munchkin. I saw the effects of hiring token women for the big jobs back in the 70’s and suffice it to say it didn’t work well and still doesn’t today.

    My son is a firefighter and the women that work for him are a complete liability. To pretend they can run a ho se up several flights of stairs with the Scott Packs and gear is a feminist’s pipe dream that is endangering the public in a real way. To bring a corpse or a victim back down? At best you end up with another victim to rescue.

    Fact is that most of these career chickies want it both ways. They want to be equal on the job until the scut work comes round – or the kids at home have a crisis of some sort or other. Then its time for wonder-woman to take a powder.

    And I’m sorry but I see nothing glamourous about being a stay at home dad any more than being a hair dresser or a cosmetic salesgirl.

    You say this new age gender bending is fine and it works for you, but I worked and lived in better times and I can tell you that by reversing your roles, you and the missus are doing yourselves a disservice.

    • Holly says:

      It’s awesome, I was reading this just as I was thinking about the victim I carried down the stairs today.

      And you know, it’s true, weak firefighters are a liability. (Although not nearly as much of one as dumb firefighters.) I’m all for not allowing weak people to be firefighters. There should be some sort of test.

      Like, say, the one I passed.

    • Tam says:


      You old guys sure get cranky when you get cut off.

  6. Aaron says:

    The problems you allude to mostly sprang up from hiring women on the qualification of being women. Of course that was stupid and caused problems. Same thing with women in firefighting, law enforcement, and the military. They get different physical standards to meet which helps no one, except that it makes them look more equal.

    That said, there are plenty of women capable of succeeding on their merits and painting with your broad brush reeks of ignorance and chauvinism.

    Finally, who the hell do you think you are to proclaim that being a stay at home dad married to a professional woman is someone wrong? It works just fine for plenty of people. Hell, my dad has owned a business he’s operated from his home as long as I can remember and was the one home with the kids. Are my parents doing themselves a disservice? They’ve been happily married for thirty two years, are financially secure, have three children who still talk to them, enjoy the love of their own brothers and sisters still, and are two of the happiest people I know.

    What disservice, exactly, did they do themselves?

  7. Rusty P Bucket says:

    Aaron I am watching these new age parents coming up today and raising kids that think the sexes are the same, that you don’t have to spank your kids, that you can’t let them fail at school and all kinds of new age chit that does absolutely nothing for the kids.

    I am quite aware that sometimes these approaches to parenting work well and if it works well for you, fill your boots. I am also aware that classical parenting is too much for some people to handle.

    I was raised in btter times to think that men were responsible for protecting and providing for the family. I see men and women as being different, and any effort to make them artificially ‘equal and the same’ is just 10 lbs of chit in a 5 lb. bag. Men and women are genetically hard wired to do their respective work. If some new age pepsi kids want to argue with 250 000 years of human evolution, I suppose there is no harm in it provided the kids aren’t harmed by it. I see no good in a father deciding to be a mother and vice versa – it’s not the way we were designed.

    I am not goin to tell anyone how to raise there kids but when you get to my age, you want kids you can be proud of. I have a fire fighter, a decorated marine and a cop for the sons and a girl that is a bank teller. A fella can be proud of that in a kid much more so than in a hair dresser or a stay at home dad.

    And don’t anyone take that personally, I am old and from a different time and we did things differently back then. We didn’t have the problems you kids face today so of course we have different values and such. Your first priority is the kids. I just woulda thunk that a fella would make more money than his wife AND the wife would be better with the kids. That is the usual way of it.

    • PlanetCaveman says:

      Wow, Rusty, you really are amazing…just not in a good way.

      • Kristopher says:

        Rusty is frightened by the notion of someone other than a man being the bread winner in a family.

        That’s probably why he is here yowling about every post that doesn’t fit into his little Ozzie and Harriet universe.

        • Aaron says:

          Oh, and I’m not supposed to take it personally. What a tool.

        • Laughingdog says:

          Apparently, our physical size makes us more qualified than women to be lawyers, doctors, accountants, etc.

          I’m sorry, but if I was married to a woman that made more money than I do, I’d be delighted to be the one to raise the kids.

  8. Aaron says:

    What the hell are you on?

    Where did I, or anyone else, say anything about embracing new age values? For that matter, what makes you think I don’t provide for and protect my family? I stay at home because I make MORE money doing so than I would have otherwise. I have a collection of skill sets and right now, the most marketable one is done on a computer from the comfort of my own home. That’s how I have the luxury of responding to blog posts and such.

    For your information, I DO make more money than my wife. Also, I think I do a pretty good job of protecting my family. Anyone coming after my kids is getting three well placed rounds of .45 ACP, thank you very much.

    Don’t presume to impose your ignorant vision of what a stay at home dad must be like on me. I no more some new age ‘pepsi kid’ than you are. I do believe that corporal punishment is a valid form of discipline, as much as I hate administering it. We just don’t have the, “Wait until your father gets home,” mode of it.

    Your presumption that somehow my kids won’t make me proud is as laughable and ignorant as the rest of what you’ve said. Going back to my parents, bearing in mind my father worked at home too, my older brother is a real estate agent about to start his own firm, I’m a decorated Navy vet, a ghost author, and soon to publish my first novel, and my sister is on her way through school to be a doctor. My oldest just joined the Air Force a couple months after turning seventeen, having graduated high school at sixteen and my younger two are likely going to be equally amazing.

    I know damn good and well that men and women are wired differently, never said I didn’t. That was you seeing things that weren’t there based on a single fact. I’ve no problem debating the merits of traditional parenting models, to be honest, I would prefer them myself. Unlike you, however, I live in reality and the reality is my wife is in the Navy until her enlistment is up, and I make more money working at home than I could out, at least in this economy. So we play the hand we’re dealt and when I mention just the fact that I work at home, you make a slew of assumption regarding what kind of people we are. Get a clue, get out of the house, something.

  9. Assrot says:

    Believe me buddy. You have the harder job being a stay at home dad. Anybody that talks smack about that has never done it. I did it for a year once and wussed out. Digging ditches in a shale pit is an easier job.

    I love my kids and grandkids but a stay at home dad I could never be. I babysit my 9 month old granddaughter every Saturday and at my age that darn near kills me.

    Enjoy them while you can. In the wink of an eye they are borrowing the car keys and getting ready to move out. My youngest left home 13 years ago and I still have empty nest syndrome.


  10. Rho says:

    As long as the child is home with a loving parent, does it matter what the sex of the parent is?

    It worked out for my spouse and I for me to stay home with the kids. Let’s face it, an electrical engineer makes heaps more more money than a R.N. Factor into the equation that I become an extremely cranky woman if I work more than 2-3 days per week outside the home. It’s very true at my house that “if Mama ain’t happy, then nobody’s happy.” However, if the spouse should be laid off, then I’m more than happy to become a full time employee.

  11. O Bloody Hell says:

    > Windows problem for the 321st time…

    Yeah, everyone knows it’s only when it makes it to 322 times that it outweighs the importance of kids


    You may find, if you have not read,
    The Myth of Male Power
    to be of interest, esp. when you find out that Dr. Farrell is a former president of the NY State NOW.

    He has several good books on the subject of gender issues, but that one is a good introduction to it.

    Men need their consciousness raised. They’ve been listening to feminist BS for so long that they don’t even argue with it any more, even when it’s blatantly wrong.

    As Dr. Farrell asks: “Is earning money that other people spend really power?”

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