monday search term safari LXXVIII.

german airbone troop beret

I don’t know what the elite parachuting German Shepherd Division use as headgear, but the German airborne troops (Fallschirmjäger) wear the maroon beret, just like all the other airmobile branches in the German Army.  In fact, the maroon beret is pretty much the international standard for airborne troops (except for the Russkies, whose paratroopers wear sky-blue berets.)

olympia typestyle 69

That’s the script-like typeface found on some Olympia-brand typewriters.  Among “cursive” typefaces, it’s considered one of the more aesthetic and desirable ones by typewriter aficionados.  I have a green Olympia SM4 with a wide carriage and Olympia Typestyle 69 typeface, and it’s my favorite typer in the stable.  (For those of you keeping count, I’m up to five now: the SM4, an Olympia SM9, a Royal KHM that Robin gave me for my birthday, a Smith-Corona Galaxie Twelve I rescued locally, and a Royal DeLuxe Portable I got out of a deceased friend’s estate.)

nuts with guns

Here you go:


olympia typewriter

Olympia was a German typewriter company of the 1930s to 1970s.  Like many German-made things, Olympias are well-crafted, solidly built, and precisely engineered, according to the German design maxim of “Why use one part when you can use fifteen to do the same job?” 

Brand preference is as common among typewriter users as it is among gun owners or car enthusiasts.  I’m an Olympia guy, although I like my Royals and the Smith-Corona as well.  Hemingway was a Royal man.  As recently discussed, Cormac McCarthy is an Olivetti guy.  Screenwriter Larry McMurtry uses a Hermes, which he thanked when he accepted the Emmy for a screenplay.  Paul Auster has been using the same Olympia SM9 for thirty-odd years.

classy chick gun

I am not aware of any gun design that fires baby chickens.  They would probably make poor projectiles, anyway—they’re not aerodynamic, have poor sectional density, and are difficult to stack in magazines.

the most comfortable keyboard

That’s a subjective category.  I like the old clickety IBM Model M (using one right this moment, in fact), but some people can’t stand them.  Ergonomically speaking, the Logitech Wave isn’t bad—if they could make one of those with the buckling-spring keyswitches of the Model M, I’d buy a dozen.

how to conceal sword

You conceal it by keeping it on the wall of your room, moron.  Better yet, leave it in the closet in case a girl ever stumbles into your den accidentally.  Even better still, conceal that sword by leaving it on the shelf of the comic book store back at the mall.  Gandalf you are not, and using a sword in public—even in righteous self-defense—will make you look like a bit of a fruitcake to a jury.

olympia typewriter four dots key

That’s the margin release.  When you near the margin on the right side of the page, a little bell will ring to let you know that you’re about five to seven characters away from the margin stop.  If you end up hitting the margin anyway, and you still have a letter or two to type, you can press the key with the four dots to override the hard margin for the current line, and squeeze in those extra letters.

samsung nc10 play flight sim

The Samsung NC10, like most netbooks, has the Intel GMA950 graphics chip, which is to other graphics chips as an asthmatic fifth-grader is to a Marine fresh out of boot camp.  You’ll be able to play some older flight sims, but even FS2004 will probably only run acceptably at low resolution and detail settings.

internet forums michael christian warrior

I don’t know what this search string is all about, but it is my experience that whenever someone refers to themselves as a “Warrior for <insert name of deity or religion>”, it’s time to back away slowly without making eye contact, because ninety-nine times out of a hundred, you’re dealing with an unpleasant fruitcake.


And that’s it for this Monday!  Tune in again next week, when we pluck another selection of search term hits out of our blog stats for easy blogging material!


19 thoughts on “monday search term safari LXXVIII.

  1. MarkHB says:

    Item one reminds me of an old off-colour playground joke.

    “How does a blind parachutist know when it’s time to pull the ripcord? When the guide-dog’s leash goes slack”.

  2. perlhaqr says:

    Better yet, leave it in the closet in case a girl ever stumbles into your den accidentally.

    Solution two: Only hook up with girls who own more swords than you do.

    Olympias are well-crafted, solidly built, and precisely engineered, according to the German design maxim of “Why use one part when you can use fifteen to do the same job?”

    Germans may have a certain excessive nature when it comes to mechanical objects, but they do make things that are really nice to work on. I’ve been doing a lot of wrenching lately, mostly Chevrolet and Plymouth to represent the ‘Mercan side of things, and Mercedes and Volkswagen in the Teutonic corner. Mercedes may use twice as many parts, but you can always actually get to all of the fasteners.

    Somewhere, way beck in American automotive history, some mechanic fucked an engineer’s wife, and the engineers have been paying the mechanics back ever since. This seems to not have happened in Germany. The engineers actually consider how to take things back apart, and add clearance holes for tools.

  3. RevolverRob says:

    “Gandalf you are not, and using a sword in public—even in righteous self-defense—will make you look like a bit of a fruitcake to a jury.”

    What about for self-defense in your own home? A friend of mine who collects 1911s, Remington Shotguns, and old Japanese katanas did just that a few years (about 10) ago. He came home one afternoon from work and found a guy in his house, he grabbed a 400 year old Katana that was on display and confronted the guy to get out of his house. The guy drew a handgun and tried to shoot him, he lost the use of four fingers from nerve damage, as my friend just missed removing said pistol hand.

    This was in Cincinnati, Ohio, where the cops frown on defending yourself, apparently. He went to a grand jury, who didn’t think he was a fruit cake, they thought he was defending himself with the handiest weapon. Two years later he was sued by the perp for permanent damage, the judge also didn’t think my friend was a fruit cake, but thought that the perp was a moron. He laughed him out of court as he dismissed the civil case and congratulated my friend on defending himself.

    Just sayin’, it doesn’t ~always~ make you look crazy, just most of the time.


    • Marko Kloos says:

      Using a sword for self-defense you happen to have in your home is one thing. Walking around town with one strapped to your back underneath your ankle-length duster is another thing altogether.

      If someone’s looking for a way to “conceal a sword”, I’m guessing they’re not talking about a good way to store it out of sight of visitors in the house.

  4. ravenshrike says:

    Now wait a minute, if we assume he’s looking for a book forum, that search string makes perfect sense. Mind you, their taste in literature is clearly a bit off, but still.

  5. WharfRat says:

    Actually, I would suggest not concealing it at all, as that does tend to be a little on the not-so side of legal…besides, how many people are going to try to mug someone with a claymore on their back?

  6. 10% says:

    “…how many people are going to try to mug someone with a claymore on their back?”

    While I know you meant the Scottish Sword, I still had the amusing visual of the “Front Toward Enemy” variety.

  7. jbrock says:

    Some swords are more concealable than others. IWB carry of a gladius in BDU trousers is surprisingly easy, and the same principle applies to anything in the same general size range.

    Whether it’s practical, or even certifiably sane, is rather a different issue.

  8. Kristopher says:

    I suggest carrying a Titansteel Destroyer instead of a sword.

    More damage, but kinda hard to conceal once you’ve runeforged it.

    Be sure to shout “For the Horde” while defending yourself.

    • Regolith says:

      Kind of hard to conceal, period; that thing is massive.

      Unless you don’t have it equipped, anyway.

      It’s better to wear the thing on your back, in any case; it gives fair warning to nubs who try to gank you…

  9. TCK says:

    In Oregon, at least, you can OC a non-firearm weapon nearly anywhere you can CC a handgun with a permit (you need the permit to carry anything into a public building though). There’s fewer restriction on OC of blades than of handguns too (I don’t think any localities ban OC of bladed weapons, but 7 or so ban loaded firearms carry w/o a permit). I kind of want sword cane myself, but I’m pretty eccentric .

    • Nick says:

      I’d like a sword cane, but I’m too young. Once I’m old enough to call people “Sonny” and yell at kids to get off my lawn unironically, I’ll buy a sword cane.

      I’m really looking forward to being old and crochety.

  10. Kaerius(SWE) says:

    Well… people who fence and such often carry their sword to and from practice in a cylinder on their back. Most sheeple would think it a flute case or similar.

    Something like this, though the black leather ones look better:

  11. Dr. Feelgood says:

    My most comfortable: Microsoft Natural Keyboard Pro. Love it, love it, love it. I wish they’d re-run them in black and silver with a USB 2.0 hub.

  12. ASM826 says:

    The baby chicken cannon. Start at about 1:10. It does not hurt the chickens. It is not a joke, but it’s funny.

  13. MarkHB says:

    Good Christ, it’s a Chicken Synchrotron!

  14. Cybrludite says:

    Just to nitpick, the French (And several of their former colonies) issue dark red berets to their paras, and the Legion Etrangere para regiments wear green. The East German Nationale Volksarmee’s paras wore orange berets to honor some medieval peasant uprising or another.

  15. Lissa says:

    “Nuts with guns” = intranasal coffee

  16. DH in Manchester says:

    Damnit, MarkHB beat me to it. How about this instead?
    Burma 1944.
    A British Parachute Regiment officer stands before the Gurkhas on a jungle airstrip. He remembers his training… be confident, be concise and be clear.
    ‘Right, men! I will lead volunteers to jump from a ‘plane behind enemy positions, where we shall attack their rear! Volunteers, please stand forward.’
    He is surprised to hear mutterings in the ranks, and after some time only a third of the men step forward. Turning to his sergeant he says ‘What’s this? I thought the Gurkhas were the bravest of the brave? This seems pitiful stuff.’
    The stalwart sargeant replies, ‘As I understand it, they are prepared to volunteer to a man,

    but they would rather jump with parachutes.’

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