monday search term safari LXXIX.

Delivered fresh from Castle Frostbite in scenic Cryogenica via satellite link, using only the best bits and bytes, it’s the Monday Search Term Safari, the only thing that keeps you from blowing your brains all over your cubicle this morning! (Well, that and coffee.)

advantages of neo laptops

Light weight (less than 2 pounds), ridiculously sturdy, and really long battery life.  Added bonus: no Intertubular distractions.  It’s a paperless typewriter.

porn too much free content

Yes, that’s definitely the problem with the Intertubes today: too much free porn.  A fella can get all confused and side-tracked.  There ought to be a law, or something. 

why politicians hate libertarians

Because a libertarian system of government has very few attachment points for universal power-grab adapters.  All the mainstream politicos hate libertarians for the same reason candlemakers hated Edison.  If the Libertarians got their way, 95% of Capitol Hill would have to go out and get real jobs instead of sucking on the public teat.

how to write straight on unlined paper

You can either use lined guide sheets underneath the unlined paper, or practice a lot.  I’ve also heard of people making faint lines on the paper with a pencil, and then erasing the pencil lines from the finished page, but that just sounds like way too much effort to me.

convert airsoft to fire real bullets

Uh, no.  Your airsoft gun is made mostly of plastic and diecast zinc alloy, two materials that are ill-suited for containing the pressures involved.  Also, what you have there is a gun-shaped toy.  Just because it has the shape of a gun, and mimics its function somewhat, doesn’t mean you can just “convert” it into a real gun.  (Generally speaking, the best way to convert an airsoft gun into a real one is to sell it on eBay, and then use the money toward a Ruger 10/22 at WalMart.)

tf2 imac 9400

TF2 should play just fine on your iMac.  The GeForce 9400 is an integrated graphics chip, but it’s the best one out there at the moment.  I can actually play Call of Duty 4 on my ION box, which has the same GPU mated to an Atom processor.  Your iMac has a Core 2 Duo CPU, which runs circles around the Atom, and TF2 is less demanding than CoD4. 

not feeling up to being a parent

Nobody ever truly feels up to that job, honestly.  But if you have honest concerns about your ability to handle the task, either emotionally or financially, you should probably hold off on having kids.  It will change your life completely, that’s for sure.  I wouldn’t give it up for anything, and the rewards are many, but I know from experience that I wouldn’t have had the emotional stability and maturity to handle being a parent when I was in my Twenties.

what does a raccoon on a roof sound like

As a general rule, animals running around on a roof always sound at least three times as big as they actually are.  A squirrel or chipmunk sounds like an excited cocker spaniel.  A raccoon sounds like Ripley playing Dance Dance Revolution with a power loader, especially at 3AM in the morning.

how to make a self jacking off machine

You want to engineer a device to perform a function for which you already have a perfectly suited tool on the end of your arm?  You must be German.

vespa boobs

Finally, another Vespa search string!  (I am confused, though: are you looking for a scooter with boobies, a scooter shaped like boobies, or boobies shaped like a scooter?)

libertarian kids stories

You can find a few here.

sticky toffee pudding—-steamed

That’s a delicious dessert.  Robin makes those by steaming the toffee pudding in little ramekins.  One bite, and you’ll float up to the ceiling like the cartoon dog after he took a bite of his biscuit.

pelikan m205 weight

You’re in luck. I just happen to have a digital pocket scale in my desk drawer, and a Pelikan M205 in front of me.  It weighs exactly 14.59 grams, or 0.514 ounces, or 225 grains, or 72.95 carats.  (Pick your favorite unit of weight measure.)


And that’s the take for today.  Don’t forget to feed some more search terms into the Snarkolator, and remember to tip your waitstaff!


62 thoughts on “monday search term safari LXXIX.

  1. Rusty P. Bucket says:

    I don’t hate libertarans, I see them as misguided and childish. The politicos hate them because they know that libertarianism cannot be made the basis of a viable gubbermint.

    • Tam says:


      Have you considered saving yourself keystrokes by replacing some of your most oft-used hackneyed phrases with numbers?

      For instance, instead of

      I don’t hate libertarans, I see them as misguided and childish. The politicos hate them because they know that libertarianism cannot be made the basis of a viable gubbermint.

      you could have just typed

      9. 15.

    • Zane says:

      Yeah. Having a political philosophy where you make your decisions based upon a desire not to harm others or be harmed yourself, how childish and misguided.

      P.S. You must be German, *snort*. I’m not from Germany, but my family is German on both sides. It must be genetic, because we are the same way…well, not the jack-off machine, but you get my point.

    • pdb says:

      The politicos hate them because they know that libertarianism cannot be made the basis of a viable gubbermint.

      Feature, not bug.

    • Marko Kloos says:

      Well, you know, Rusty…

      You Conservatives want government to be everyone’s Daddy, smack people’s bottoms if they misbehave, and keep them safe from sin and Those Bad Folks. The Liberals want government to be everyone’s Mommy, feed people and fix their boo-boos, and keep them safe from sharp and unhealthy things.

      From where I’m sitting, the Libertarians are the only ones who want to treat me like an adult, so they’re the only ones who aren’t childish.

      • Schmidt says:

        Sad thing for liberty is, that given a choice between freedom and safety, most people choose safety.

        I am afraid it is true. Maybe not for all groups of people, but US citizens appear to have been busy trading liberty for a false sense of security ever since UBL and his cronies made those towers fall down.

        Liberal parties in Europe generally want a less intrusive, less taxation happy gov’t. However, they tend to be outvoted by people who want more welfare.

        • poettraveler says:

          re: “Liberal parties in Europe generally want a less intrusive, less taxation happy gov’t. However, they tend to be outvoted by people who want more welfare.”

          An interesting assertion. But your statement is a very sweeping one (unless I have missed something that you have said in previous posts and comments – I will allow that I may have missed some pertinent facts because I have not read your other blog pages).

          Let us look at what Europe is, geographically and its constituents. Europe is a continental land mass comprising many countries. Each country has its own culture, laws and so on.

          If I had made a similar statement and said ….. “Liberal Parties in the Americas generally want a less intrusive, less taxation happt gov’t. However, they tend to be outvoted by people who want more welfare.” ….. would you think I was generalising? .. and would you not want to know what sources I was quoting from? … in order to examine the veracity of my remarks?

          But if you had inserted the words “In my opinion…” at the beginning of your assertion I would not be querying what you have said and inviting you to provide individual (country’s) facts, because everyone is entitled to an opinion, even if it may not be based on factual evidence.

          Yours respectfully.

  2. Tam says:

    You must be German.

    Okay, I LOL’ed. 😀

  3. pdb says:

    vespa boobs

    If there already isn’t a calendar of topless women posing on Vespas, there damn well ought to be.

  4. My suspicion is that “vesba boobs” meant “idiots riding Vespas”.

  5. Don Gwinn says:

    I searched for “Munchkin Wrangler Parker 21” yesterday after my son came home from the flea market with one. I have high hopes for next week’s Safari.

    The libertarian thing sure leads to a lot of awkward explaining. I’ve been hounding this Republican candidate for Governor, along with a lot of other people, because he hates guns and gun owners. This is a guy who literally set a team of investigators to entrap gun owners from other states by convincing them that they could legally ship guns into IL without going through FFLs if they took the guns apart first and sent two boxes (one of which still contained the serial-numbered part.) Nowadays he says he opposes right-to-carry, and he would sign an assault weapons ban (no surprise there, he was trying to sponsor one when he was Attorney General years ago) but he “wouldn’t be an activist against the 2nd Amendment, like the Democrat candidate will.”

    One of his supporters wants us all to settle down . . . “why argue with someone who agrees with you 99% of the time?” he asks. Well, I guess I could go down the list for you, buddy, but 99% might be a little ambitious for this guy whose other biggest claim to fame, aside from hating guns, was railroading two innocent men onto death row, then running a smear campaign on both the police and the criminal who confessed that he was the real killer, keeping those two men on death row for years after it was obvious that they were innocent.
    But, hey, he’s a Catholic and he doesn’t like abortion or gay marriage, and I don’t like gun control, so we’re on the same team, right?

    • Kristopher says:

      Gun control is like the vulcan mind meld of politics.

      You can tell instantly if a politician distrusts the public by asking him for his views on gun laws.

  6. Atom Smasher says:

    “vespa boobs” is probably referring to Eva Green’s (Vespa in the Daniel Craig “Casino Royale” movie)chesticular region.

    Which you see a lot of in some movie about college kids in Paris, and man, those’re some really really nice scooters she’s got there.

    Girls are neat.

  7. Caleb says:

    She was “Vesper”, not Vespa.

  8. Tennessee Budd says:

    “You must be German.”
    That was good one, especially considering the source.
    If I can’t clean this keyboard, Marko, I’m billing you.

  9. ASM826 says:

    I have to agree, pretty much all the riders of little scooters, vespas and otherwise, fit this definition:

    1  /bub/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [boob]

    1. a stupid person; fool; dunce.
    2. British. a blunder; mistake.
    –verb (used without object)
    3. British. to blunder.
    1905–10, Americanism; back formation from booby 1

    • Tam says:

      So, is my roommate a “stupid person” or a “blunder”?

      Would you like me to hold your coat while you tell her which one?

      • ASM826 says:

        I bow to Tam and her insight, and wish to retract my reference to “all riders of little scooters”. In an effort to be more precise, I would like to comment on many of the riders of scooters who seem to be oblivious to other vehicles, traffic regulations and the laws of physics. I suspect in many cases that these boobs are on scooters due to infractions which cost them their driver’s licenses.

        • Kaerius(SWE) says:

          Or on vacation… I’ve ridden a 130CC scooter in thailand. I don’t even have any sort of driver’s licence back home(mostly because it’s expensive here, and I’ve always had things I’d more highly prioritize spending $1500-2000 on), but it took me all of 5 minutes to get the feel for it again(I rode crotchrockets as a kid), and I was a very careful rider. Awareness is key.

        • Kaerius(SWE) says:

          PS: If I had the income to spend on maintainance/insurance/fuel, I’d save up, get my licence and get a Custom… not a scooter.

  10. […] a dead simple little game where he pulls search terms from his site stats and writes about them. Here’s an example. It’s killer fun, so I’m stealing the concept for myself, and until a better name comes […]

  11. Rusty P. Bucket says:

    Strong countries have strong gubbermints kids, whether they’re fascists, communists or capitalists.


  12. Rusty P. Bucket says:

    Strong countries have strong gubbermints kids, whether they’re fascists, communists or capitalists.

    By their nature, libertarians are very individualistic, they don’t handle authority well and acting as a cohesive group is beyond them. further, they are prone to weaknesses like drugs, homosexuality, and other deviancies and flaws. Any group without those handicaps will eat them for lunch.

    Fact is that most people ain’t that bright. I merely live in the re l world, and have spent much more time in it than you kids. I am not offended by your derisive laughter folks. When you get to be my age you have to forgive alot of foolishness from folks that have alot of growing ahead of them.

    Your hearts are in the right place even if your heads are not.

    • Kommander says:

      Well it looks like me and Rusty P. Bucket do agree on one thing, I honestly don’t think many Americans could handle a libertarian style government at this point.

      • Rusty P. Bucket says:

        They never will, lad.

        If libertarians were capable of forming a viable gubbermint or nation state – they would already have done so.

        Their ideology forces them to ally themselves with the nutbars like the ones from Ruby Ridge and Waco Texas and everyone knows how those turned out. Libertarians understand personal freedom but until they understand personal responsibility – they cannot be allowed to govern. Without a moral compass they are no better than the democrats and possibly a good deal worse.

        • Jinglish says:

          “Without a moral compass?” What morals does one need to abide by in order to get along with others other than the basic thou shall not kill/steal/rape/etc.? Libertarianism is all about self-control.

        • Tam says:

          Don’t mind Rusty; there is no actual person as “Rusty P. Bucket”, he’s actually a relatively simple BASIC program running on an old IBM AT in a janitor’s closet at Bob Jones University.

          You know,

          30 IF A$ = “libertarian” THEN 40
          40 PRINT “Immature blah blah my team can beat up your team yakkity schmakkity Jesus something something gay cooties whatever.”

          I wouldn’t sweat him were I you. Nobody else does.

    • Jinglish says:

      Fact is that most people ain’t that bright.

      So the solution is to, through democracy and strong government, give the idiot masses more control?

  13. Kaerius(SWE) says:

    Some people have minds like steel traps, some people have minds like corroded medieval latrines.

  14. wrm says:

    225 grains? Will it fit in a 44 magnum shell?

  15. Schmidt says:

    @Jacking off machine

    See pic:

    Some people may actually need it.

    I’ve seen pretty erudite people dismiss libertarianism as a pie-in-teh sky political dreaming. Sort of like marxism, but less harmful.

    I wasn’t convinced, but I’m not sure, how would a libertarian state fare with things such as where to build a nuclear power plant. What would prevent the owners of land needed from being assholes and desiring ridiculously high prices? Some people are like that. They won’t sell if they won’t get their 500$ per sq. foot of field in the middle of nowhere.
    Or the people nearby might really, really object to the plant, claiming it is unsafe, and tying it all in lawsuits till the hell freezes over.

    Or what would a libt gov’t do if say, photo lens manufacturers formed a cartel, and started charging arm and leg. Where would the people get fresh nude pics of women then? (after older lenses wear out)Everyone would get freaking insane, and you can’t make good lenses without serious know how, and I’m fairly sure most libertarians wouldn’t approve of heavy fines for cartel-attempting companies.

    I’m interested in libertarianism, but I need to put together a few cases of actual problems and throw them to some ‘libertarians’ to propose solutions in line with libt principles. Would you be up for this game? I’ll think of something over christmas?

    (myself, I think all we need is limiting franchise to people who think, not just feel, and who are not liable to vote themselves more welfare. Tough, but possible perhaps. That, and making politicians stop lying all the time.)

    • Tam says:

      I wasn’t convinced, but I’m not sure, how would a libertarian state fare with things such as where to build a nuclear power plant. What would prevent the owners of land needed from being assholes and desiring ridiculously high prices?

      Build a lolwhut?

      If you think a libertarian state would be building power plants of any kind, I submit that you need to turn back to page one and start reading again. You missed something.

      • Schmidt says:

        I did not meat state. I meant a privately owned non-monopolistic power company. Which would need to buy land in a specific spot.. where fresh water is available, and it’s also windy. You can build a plant anywhere, but the spots where it’ll be most efficient are not that common.

        A lot of factories were being built in my country. And in a few places, where people caught wind of big investments, there were retirees or farmers or people with inside knowledge who bought up the land just because of that investment, unwilling to sell their several acres of farmland (effectively, halfway to nowhere)at prices lower than what was the going rate for land in the dead centre of our capital city.

        Sorry for being unclear, I was running a fever.. and my other excuse is, that English is my third best language.

    • pdb says:

      how would a libertarian state fare with things such as where to build a nuclear power plant. What would prevent the owners of land needed from being assholes and desiring ridiculously high prices?

      It’s no business of the state to get involved between the plant builders and the land owners. If the land owners are asking more than the plant builders want to pay, they can build elsewhere. (The cost of land is probably the least significant line item in building a nuclear plant).

      As for cartels, they rarely survive long in the real world. It only takes one member to cheat and start cutting prices for the whole thing to collapse. Monopolies are also less than what they’re usually made out to be. In the years when Standard Oil was considered to have a monopoly on oil distribution, the cost of oil dropped almost 70%. They got a monopoly by being damn good at what they did.

      Scratch the surface of a real monopoly (phone company, cable TV, etc) and you’ll find a local government mandate.

      For more eyebrow raising case studies, Walter Block’s book is awesome. Try defending blackmail or slumlords at your next party. Great fun.

      That, and making politicians stop lying all the time.

      Oh, sure. Next, let’s make crap not stink and stop steel from rusting.

      • Schmidt says:

        Not impossible. In a few decades’ time, a device the size of a headset could probably very conclusively establish whether someone is lying or not.

        Stopping steel from rusting is very easy. Just make it’s chromium content at least 11%, and add a smidegon of atoms of elements with greater affinity for carbon than chrome, like Niobium or Titanium.

        (explanation, just had a test from that stuff this morning)

  16. Rusty P. Bucket says:

    I admit I haven’t paid much attention to libertarianism. Why would they not build power plants Tam?

    And never mind power plants – a basic landfill would tie them up in semantic knots. One of my moral and ethical superiors says that libertarianism is about self control – buddy…queers are getting HIV because they can’t keep it in their pants or stay out of the bath house. Regular VD is an epidemic among young people. People just voted for a magic negro that is going to pay your mortgage, re-invent the auto indstry, and give you cradle to fgrave welfare. Do you want to ask me to believe people are capable of self control? Ha ha!

    Your principals are fine to base your personal conduct on…but they won’t work for a gubbermint.

  17. al terego says:

    “A (wo)man is free to live his life, go about his business, and do as he chooses so long as he infringes no other (wo)man’s right to do the same.”

    Tell me again, RPB (or BASIC, heh), how that is not a desireable, workable, and comprehensive set of “laws”?


    • MarkHB says:

      Well you see, Al, it lets people gay it up, which causes bad gay bum-AIDS and leads to disbelief in the Baby Jesus which means the terrorists will win because everyone will be too drugged up to salute the flag Under God.

      Or something.

      • MarkHB says:

        There might be something to do with black people being allowed public office as well, but my breaker board had pretty much completely popped by that point.

        • al terego says:

          Yes, MarkHB, but what “it” would not do is allow militant gays to infringe my own right to teach my offspring about what is “right” and “wrong” behavior or conceal the contribution of that behavior to the infection of others who are innocent of that contributory behavior.

          It further would not interfere with my right to worship God and/or Baby Jesus, or ally myself with likeminded to prevent evil interests from harming my homeland or pledging allegiance to the symbol of that unified prevention.

          And lastly, it sure as hell would not require me to offer unquestioned loyalty to an unqualified figurehead with very questionable purpose, regardless of his hue.

          That’s the thing about liberty and libertarianism, MarkHB: it’s just as protective of the inalienable rights of those with a dedicated sense of Right or Wrong, Good or Bad, and Real or Imagined, as it is of those who blithely and ignorantly benefit from those senses and believe that everybody and everything is OK.


        • MarkHB says:

          Oh hell, *I* know that, Al. And my moral compass is part of my internal equipment as well – being told I need one supplied externally would be offensive if it wasn’t pathetic. Telling me I need a priest to supply moral guidance is like telling me I need a cop to provide protection. Telling me I need a *political affiliation* for the same is like telling me I need a salesman to manage my bank account.

        • Kristopher says:

          A.T.: libertarians are all in favor of private schools and homeschooling.

          The last thing they would support would ber state run schools that might force unwanted crap on your children.

          Don’t like gays? Homeschool, or send the kids to a parochial school that feels the same way about them.

  18. Kristopher says:

    I gottta love Rusty … he makes it easy to pimp libertarianism.

    And his strawmen are startlingly easy to set ablaze.

  19. Rusty P. Bucket says:

    You know it IS funny at that. My generation was brought up with some of the most contemptable beliefs you can imagine – that all black people were niggers, that all women were weak (Tam is admonished not to confuse a dull wit and a sharp tongue with strength) and whatnot.

    But we DID know enough that homosexuality is NOT healthy, that drugs aren’t good for anyone, and that a strong family was good for everyone.

    I think we can conclude this, I am convinced that I was raised by better people in better times.

    • Marko Kloos says:

      Yes, Rusty…times were certainly better when they had separate facilities for the races, when you could pinch your secretary’s ass without getting hassled by the PC police, and when white folk could hang themselves a nigger without having to worry about prosecutors getting too zealous. Just as long as nobody smoked weed or condoned gay sex…

    • Tam says:

      Rusty, if only there were some way of conveying to you just how very little your approval matters to me.

  20. MarkHB says:

    My family split when I was 9. I just finished burying the bastards. If by your lights I am damned, then I embrace my damnation as I’m making pretty sweet things out of it. I’ve taken drugs, thought “This is fun – but it’s unearned pleasure” and turned my back on ’em. As for homosexuality, well – I used to think I was gay. Turned out I just wasn’t meeting attractive enough women.

    So, you know… I’m glad it worked out for you. Me, I make my own path. This is why libertarian works for me as an ideal. I live in an imperfect universe, and I want to be left the hell alone to make it as perfect as I can. Without interference.

    Because, not being funny, I’ve met authority and it is incompetent. I’ve met government, and it is thumbfingered. I’ve met demographics – and I don’t demonstrate. I’m out there on the far right hand edge of the bellcurve on IQ, mathematics, sciences and nonexistant on the humanities. Your meaty governments can never speak for me with proportional representation so I will elect – if at all possible – to be left the hell alone. Democrat or Republican, neither speak with my voice – given the “Two Lever” system, all I can do is hoik on the opposite lever whenever any one party’s going particularly fucking insane as an attempt to check-and-balance towards something that doesn’t use the Constitution as grade-A Ass Paper.


    I’ve said enough.

  21. risa b says:

    >Ripley playing Dance Dance Revolution with a power loader

    That is going to run through my head for weeks … 😀

    Thanks! (another 3″ k-framer)

    • Kaerius(SWE) says:

      Now that you’re repeating it… I’m reminded of a particular scene in Red Dwarf, season 8…

  22. Rusty P. Bucket says:

    Well I never hung niggers myself Munchkin. Proud to say I never voted for one niether…so I suppose I got you all beat, ha ha! There’s a difference between niggers and respectable black folks, but such distinctions are called racism these days. I don’t expect libertarians to understand the difference anyways. It’s your deprived childhood, as I said before.

    Mark, when I was a kid, if the cops came by the first thing you did was shake hands, invite them in for coffee and then aske them what was up. Didn’t lock your doors at night, or worry about juvies committing vandalism on your property. Drugs were around, but confined to the inner city slums and we all thought they would stay there. After school I did my chores and went hunting in the fall. I feel sorry for you, having to carry that family baggage round, nobody deserves that. In my day social pressures worked against such dysfunction al families but today they seem to be the norm. Hell, our blog scholar is at home with the kiddies and doing house work while the wife is out supporting the family!

    So I suppose I was wrong. Life was better back then for us men but if you were a queer, or a welfare bum or a hairy chested feminist then it probably sucked. But it worked just fine for normal folks.

    • Kristopher says:

      Yes … if you conformed, life was just peachy.

      If you didn’t, it was prison or the funny farm for you.

      Those days are long gone, asshole.

      Oh, and religious moralists do not have a monopoly on being tough on actual criminals … try to keep up.

      Re drugs:

      Switzerland allows addicts to feed their addictions legally … as long as they obey all the laws. Their addicts work for minimum wage, and buy dope from the pharmacist cheap. The last thing they will do is risk cold turkey by getting an arrest.

      The Swiss do not have endless problems with druggie petty theft. They can save jail space for professional thieves and violent criminals.

      Of course, I’ve brought up this before here in response to your rants … not that you will stop. Religious zeal is impervious to reason.

      • Marko Kloos says:

        I for one find it highly amusing how the same guy who tells me I have no moral compass then tells us he’s proud to never have voted for a nigger.

        Dress it up all you want, Rusty: the fact remains that you and your ilk wouldn’t know morality and reason if they dressed themselves up in neon-colored Spandex, affixed blinking lights to their heads, and humped each other in front of you while yelling, “Ho, Morality! Ho, Reason!”

    • Ken says:

      That’s “hanged,” Einstein. In your Golden Age, we used to call it the language of Shakespeare and Milton.

      So show some respect, thimblewit.

Comments are closed.