a contest.

There will be Actual Content ™ later, after I’ve braved the crowds at the WalMarts, but until I get back, here’s a little contest for you.

Take the following statement:

“It’s fun to stay at the YMCA!”

and translate it into the most opaque, long-winded, and buzzword-littered Corporate/Marketing/Academica-speak you can think up.

The deadline is midnight, I’ll pick a winner tomorrow morning, and the prize shall be a pen & paper-related item of my choosing.  (Rest assured that it will be neat, and that your life will gain a certain measure of completeness with it.)

Ready? Go!

25 thoughts on “a contest.

  1. Tam says:

    Does it have to be G-rated?

  2. Caleb says:

    Does it have to make sense? Because it’d be easy to litter a paragraph with phrases like “synergy” and “Web 2.0 integrated marketing” but to do it in such a way that makes actual sense is challenging.

  3. Pramathesh B says:

    It is a fun contest.

  4. militant_marmot says:

    The maximization of synergistic leisure time activities can be leveraged to the fullest by an extended visit of undetermined length at the local Association of Young Christian Men.

    It’s early. caffeine, work!

  5. mpk19 says:

    “It’s fun to stay at the YMCA!”

    Young men, take note! Yes this may be our most famous quote. We have more, much more.

    Come join our heterogenic, judgement free community.

    Although you can no longer stay, you can come and play, in a non-judgemental way! We are Christian Men in the tongue-in-cheek way!

    Our sensitive, expertly trained staff will help you to develop to the best of your potential. Additionally, we have recently committed to a “green” philosophy. Our goal is to be off-the-grid by the end of 2010. Our exercise equipment is being networked into human-powered, fossil-fuel-free, clean energy.

    Energy developed on site will be used to power the recently installed compact flourescent bulbs throughout our facilities. Unused energy will be returned to the grid as we become one with the greater global community.

    It is fun to stay at the YMCA and rest assured no animals were ever injured in our marketing campaign!

    (*Lawyers note; several gerbils were slightly inconvenienced.)

  6. Young people of the male gender will most certainly maximize the quality of their life experiences, improve their emotional outlook on the events of the day and engage in all manner of enjoyable and positive social interactions by choosing to reside for a suitably brief period of overnight respite at the YMCA.

  7. Tom says:

    YMCA announced an in-house, restructured and comprehensive activity management plan today. The plan, designed to better leverage, cohesively manage, and synergistically empower, using an active win-win dynamic, non-structured discretionary activities centered around an environment of non-work related tasks. This empowerment will be taking place in a right-sized state of the art community facing facility while continuing to leverage future opportunities for growth in the youth demographic, particularly in the mobile, between opportunities segment.

  8. Tam says:

    Taken directly from the Changfeng Motors press release:

    Through 50 years of hardships of enterprises life and three hard incubations, we believe firmly that innovation & development is the soul of our enterprise growth and is the impetus source for us to exceed ourselves constantly and overtake the first-rate enterprises around the world. The rising sun of the new century has risen: dragon soaring and leopard jumping over. The soaring of dragon implies the rejuvenation of Chinese nation; the jumping of leopard will boost the formation of a Chinese automobile industry valley beyond the century worlds first-rate technology. Also, it’s fun to stay at the YMCA.

    They’ve taken over our rubber toy industry, and they’ve obviously closed the gap on meaningless business-babble.

  9. Hober Short says:

    As our business case for work-life enjoyment continues to be accreted around a whole-world, balanced exercise-exertion-enterprise model, we, the Committee, find that the ability to leverage our core capabilities very much enhanced when allowed to synergize with an enjoyment-enhancing physio-mental calisthenic meeting at the local YMCA before start of business each work-life day.

    See you all at 7!🙂

    (If someone ever tells you something is fun in buzzwordese, it means they want you to do more work.)

  10. Sir Limerick says:

    Comrades! You have battled long and hard against the Capitalist Overlords! You have shed the yoke of your oppressors! You have sunk your teeth into the throats from which they spread their lies! You have cleansed the corrupted streets of their failed society with their weak and impotent blood! You have ended the bourgeoisie exploitation with the pure proletariat TRUTH!

    Your victory–the People’s Victory–is almost complete! Our own Vanguard of the Working Class now lives in their defiled White House–built on the backs of Slaves, for the comfort of the Opressors–and will distribute the Wealth of that failed country to its rightful owners! and Provide for them when they are Sick! and Teach the children to sing the Righteous Praise of Marx, the Joyous Strains of Engels, the Battle Hymn of Lenin!

    But Comrades, there is a place… a place most corrupt… a place most vile… where the exploiters bring their young men. They bring their Young Men and teach them, nay, not of the Glory of Communism, the Fellowship of Party, the Brotherhood of Workers, but the failed message of their false prophet! They drug their youths’ minds with this religion to keep them willing and compliant! They occupy their minds with tawdry sports instead of the fulfilling joys of Collective Labor for the Greater Good!

    This place is named the Young Men’s Christian Association. But they know they must hide their capitalist motives! They must disguise their plan! So they call it the YMCA!

    We shall bring to this Den of Bourgeoisie Iniquity and Exploitation the Flower of the Fatherland! We shall Stay at this YMCA! We shall have FUN on our STAY at this YMCA! For the New Soviet Man must return these Wayward Children to the Family of Uncle Lenin! Go, my Comrades! Go to this YMCA! Go to this YMCA and STAY, Comrades!

    Stay at the YMCA because it is GLORIOUS! Stay at the YMCA because it is the DESTINY of the New Soviet Man! Stay at the YMCA to teach the OVERWHELMING SUPERIORITY of the Universal Communist TRIUMPH! Stay at the YMCA because it is FUN!

  11. Kristopher says:

    Can you get the Village People out of my head pleez?

  12. Pramathesh Borkotoky says:

    I really liked Sir Limerick and mpk19.

  13. Leadhead says:

    * * * Extra, Extra, Read All About It, Extra * * *
    –This just in —
    In a suprise move today, lawyers for the ACLU
    announced they were filing a class action law suit against
    the YMCA for years of blatant discrimination. Joining
    the suit are NOW, LGBT, AARP, CARE, AJC and PETA. When asked, a PETA spokesman admitted he
    wasn’t sure why they were joining but did say
    that with hundreds of millions of dollars at stake there
    had to be some way to get some money out of it. So far
    no word yet from Greenpeace if they’ll be joining also.

  14. Maureen Williams says:

    (If someone ever tells you something is fun in buzzwordese, it means they want you to do more work.)

    Coffee, meet keyboard. Hobert, I’d love to steal that for my facebook status today.

  15. og says:

    Dang, I showed up too late. here’s my entry anyway just for the halibut.

    “the paradigms of synergistic, value-added methodoligies have exploited the front-end dynamic of killer, leading edge integrated envisioneers in a clicks-and-mortar world, to bring an embraceure of frictionless disintermediaries to a bricks-and mortar edifice of customized, cross platform communities of E-tailers turned crossdisintermediate
    infomediaries of pure pleasure, at the Y.”

  16. Skip says:

    YOU. ARE. ALL. NUTZ!!

  17. Skip says:

    ‘Cept for Tam, of course.

  18. MarkHB says:

    Young Masculine Consertvatives Acknowledgement!

    Young Man ther’s a place you can go!

    To Comply!
    To Behave!
    To Be
    What!
    They!
    Will!
    Tell!
    You!

    Y Y Y Y WOULD YOU QUESTION YOUR LEADERS?

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