on election promises.

This is what I was promised:


This is what I finally received:

Unicorn 006

So far, it has failed to fart rainbows, poop marshmallows, or piss single malt Scotch.   I feel ripped off.


36 thoughts on “on election promises.

  1. […] I knew that they farted rainbows and pooped marshmallows. I did not know that they pissed Scotch. […]

  2. Joanna says:

    I want to throw a costume party just so I can wear a unicorn costume and carry a bowl full of skittles.

  3. Jay G. says:

    You got your unicorn?!?!

    All I got from Øbama was a new Republican Senator.


  4. crankylitprof says:

    I haven’t even gotten a third-rate stuffed hippopotacorn.

    I HAVE gotten a very sore posterior.

    Frankly, I’d be happy if he’d lay off the rock salt-laden lube while he’s giving me the business, shouting “Let me be clear…” and gazing soulfully into the eyes of his teleprompter.

  5. Stretch says:

    Hey Jay! Teh One gave me a Republican governor.
    The Man is such a giver!!

  6. Scooter says:

    Unicorns only piss scotch in the back-rooms of congress where all that global warming research and “Lets make a deal” on Health Care plans are being made. Which explains a lot of the B/S that they have been coming up with this last year. Perhaps they should sober up for a few days come out of the alcohol induced stupor and hear what the people have been trying to tell them for the last 6 months.

  7. Chang says:

    Really? I mean, did he promise us all this or was it just all these people who got so pumped and thought he was da bebe Jesus. When in fact he was a human who inherited a country in the shits.

    I think all in all the guy’s doing okay. But he’s disappointed a bit with continuing some Bush terrorism policies.

    • Jay G. says:

      Hey, Øbama’s done great. Republicans in MA and NJ; Democrats retiring left and right rather than face losses…

      If only he could get someone OTHER than the Republicans to replace the Democrats, then we’d be getting somewhere.

      And, just out of curiosity, exactly when do we stop blaming the previous administration for every single wrong? Obviously it’s not a year, because the Big Ø Himself is still blaming Bush (even for Coakley losing in MA, laughably).

      Two years?


      At what point do the Øbama supplicants say “Hey, you know what? Ø’s been in office for X years now, and things still suck. Maybe it wasn’t all Bush’s fault?”

      I’m guessing right around the time the predictions of global warmening come true…

      • Dan says:

        More than 5 years. Jeniffer Granholm took the governor’s race in Michigan in 2003. Deep into her second term, it’s all still John Engel’s fault. Oh, and Granholm wasn’t born in the US; just sayin’.

      • Scott says:

        I do remember (yeah, I’m that old) that the Reagan RE-election campaign in 1984 STILL brought up Carter, whose term ended in 1980 (OK, Jan 20, 1981).
        So, at least acknowledge that the blame game is bipartisan – and has a shelf life measured in years.

    • Anonymous says:

      A human you say? Don’t tell the folks at NBC…

      Best thing your boy could do tonight is smile that radiant smile and keep his piehole shut; I don’t think Wall Street can stand another one of his pep talks.

    • Tam says:


      Really? I mean, did he promise us all this or was it just all these people who got so pumped and thought he was da bebe Jesus.

      Well, in his own words on scoring the nomination…

      I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal…

      …but I haven’t been down to the beach with a ruler lately, so maybe Canute did roll back the tide.

      I haven’t heard more hype and bullshit from a major party’s final candidate in my adult life. Compared to Barry, Ronny’s platitudes look like Ross’s pie charts.

    • Rick R. says:

      Let’s see. . .

      EVERYTHING he has tried to do that he promised before the election has turned into well-rotted manure.

      Whereas the ONLY things he has attempted that have actually worked. . . are the very Bush policies he and his ilk spent 7 years screaming were unethical, immoral, ineffective, counterproductive, and unConstitutional.

      There seems to be a pattern here. . .

  8. Schmidt says:

    There is a billboard in a Brno suburb that reads:
    “Elections are like orgasms; people just expect too much from them”.

    Promises? It’s always about the money.. the ‘donors’ need to be ‘repaid’ with contracts, privileges..etc, and the voters bamboozled or bribed, while the mountain of debt keeps getting higher and higher.

  9. Blackwing1 says:

    I thought the magic unicorns were supposed to poop solid gold…

  10. staghounds says:

    Contents may have settled in transit.

  11. Paul Michael says:

    It’s hard to justifiably feel ripped off unless one voted for the guy and believed in his Caterpillar truck load of bull cow manure.

  12. Old NFO says:

    Sigh… Politicians… You KNOW they are lying when their lips are moving… I’d be satisfied with a cold beer…

  13. Roberta X says:

    I’d be satisfied with cold politicians — cold, unmoving and bereft of respiration. Oh, that happy day…!

  14. Yeah, but didn’t your unicorn bring you that speedloader & box ‘o ammo?

  15. Al T. says:

    Is that the suppository version? Bet that’s going to sting a bit… :O

  16. ASM826 says:

    I see a new opportunity at the next Bloggershoot. I’ll bet there’s no rainbows or single malt inside that plush toy, either.

  17. MarkHB says:

    Gh0d, it’s just a big iPhone. What’s the point of that?

  18. minimedic says:

    Obviously, you recieved the “Marshmallow Unicorn” which does not come with the same features as a “real” unicorn.

    Only *special* people get the real unicorn…what counts as “special” no one really knows…

Comments are closed.