can saltine crackers kill a mouse
You can kill a mouse with saltine crackers by a.) lacing the crackers with rat poison, and leaving them out on the kitchen counter at night with a sign saying FREE MOUSE FUD, or b.) freezing the pack of saltines, and then using it to beat the mouse to death.
my printer print strange letters and symbols
That may be caused by printing something in a language other than your own. It’s a little-known fact that the Feds require all printers sold in the U.S. to only print in American English.
A word to the wise, however: if your printer has suddenly started spitting out pages from the Necronomicon, you should probably unplug it and put it on Craigslist.
typewriter "four dots"
The key with four dots arranged in a square pattern is found on Olympia typewriters, and it unlocks the margin release. When you ignore the little bell that says the line is about to end, and you hit the right margin of the page, you can hit the margin release key to override the hard margin for that one line.
colt cobra vs. baby glock
The Cobra holds six rounds, weighs less than the Glock, and is way more stylish. The baby Glock holds a bunch more rounds (10+1 in 9mm, and 9+1 in .40/.357), is faster to reload, and packs a bit more punch. I’d feel comfortable carrying either, honestly, but I’m a revolver kind of guy. On paper, the Glock is the superior self-defense piece.
kids hazmat suit
A hazmat suit is not strictly a necessity when you have kids, but it’s not a bad thing to have around, either. There will be diaper changes where your first instinct will be to just call the EPA, and have them come out with their hazmat spill trucks.
central vac lost it’s sucking power
If you have kids, that lack of suction is probably caused by the fact that your central vac is clogged with soggy Cheerios, cartoon-themed underwear, half a bucket of Tinkertoys, a Batman action figure, and half a dozen stuffed animals.
thomas the tank engine satanic
Jeez-O-Pete, can people please stop searching kid programs for theologically offensive content? I’ve watched most of the Thomas DVDs (a side effect of Quinn being a huge fan), and there’s nothing in there that would make me raise an eyebrow. Did you know, by the way, that the creator of Thomas was a man by the name of Rev. W. V. Awdry?
You can run just about any kid show through an ideological filter, and if you want to take offense to something, you’ll find a way. If I were a Marxist/socialist parent, for example, I’d object to Thomas because it’s a pro-capitalism show, where the plutocratic exploiter of the working trains, Sir Topham Hatt, makes a profit off the labor of his engines, and sends them to be scrapped when they are no longer Really Useful.
why do liberals hate libertarians
Because Libertarians oppose government handouts, which in some peoples’ logic means “letting people starve in the streets”, and because Libertarians are usually unapologetically pro-market and pro-capitalism.
"writer’s bump" thumb
The Writer’s Bump is a little callus on the middle finger of the writing hand of someone who writes with a pen a lot. As people have largely switched to computers for composition, the Writer’s Bump has gradually been replaced by new professional trademarks: the Writer’s Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, and the Writer’s Extra Thirty Pounds From Sitting On One’s Ass Near A Fridge All Day Long.
And that’s it for this morning. Now let’s all join our coworkers in the recitation of the Corporate Song, before going back to our meaningless tasks!