dog washing machine
I’m sure those dog grooming salons have professional dog washing machines. When I read the term, I think of Remy’s rat pals in “Ratatouille”…he just runs the lot of them through the Hobart steam dish washer before letting them go to their cooking stations.
16 ounces cocaine
You have a pound of Bolivian Marching Powder? Whoa. You either have a serious drug habit, or you have one hell of a party planned. Good God, that amount of cocaine would be enough to get Keith Richards high for a little while.
rights violated by mandated sterilization
Well, the Constitution doesn’t say anything about the right not to get your reproductive organs snipped by the agents of the state…but that fine document is a permission slip for the government, and I also fail to find a section in there that says the government has the right to cut someone’s wires or tie their tubes.
(That’s where Scalia gets it sorta-kinda wrong when he says the Constitution doesn’t grant anyone the right to an abortion. The Constitution doesn’t grant rights, period. The Constitution lays out what government may do, and the Bill of Rights lays out what government may not ever do, under any circumstances. Nowhere in there does it “grant” any rights to the citizenry…not even in the Bill of Rights, which merely recognizes certain individual rights.)
is it ok to rape a tease
Wow…I can’t even work up good snark this morning in the face of such a wildly spinning moral compass. If you have even the shadow of a doubt as to the moral permissibility of rape in any circumstances, please remove your DNA from the gene pool.
According to our old pal Rusty, this disturbed individual must be one of them amoral and childish libertarians, who refuse have either celestial guidance or state coercion play a role in establishing morality. Because without God or Father State telling me that it’s not OK to rape, how will I ever figure it out for myself?
44 magnum derringers
…are a stupid idea. They kick like mules, and are just as big and heavy as, say, a baby Glock (which is a infinitely more useful self-defense implement.) Even if the recoil from the first shot doesn’t rip the gun from your hand and send it to Paraguay on a ballistic trajectory, it’ll take you roughly three National Geographic subscription cycles to get the gun back on target for a follow-up shot.
staples eco friendly bagasse
I love the bagasse paper they sell at Staples. It’s smooth, and holds up to fountain pen ink really well. I also like the unobtrusive brown lines, and the parchment-y feel of the paper. Staples bagasse is my go-to paper for anything that doesn’t go into the Piccadillys.
Assault is a behavior, not a device. Stupid “scary black gun/shoulder thing that goes up” laws aside, there’s nothing you can bolt to a firearm that’ll magically make it an assault pistol/rifle/whatever. It may make it more scary-looking to the average hoplophobe, but it’s not going to make it more assaulty.
I know some writers like to wear their special writing clothes while sitting down at their special writing table with a cup of their special writing tea…but in my experience, the more ritual you attach to the act, the harder you make it on yourself. Writing is work, like making sausage or building houses, and you don’t ever see a carpenter looking for his special nail-hammering cardigan. Pick the tool that suits you best, and get on with it.
mount a machine gun in your wrangler
That’s the optional accessory package called “Waziristan Safari”. They also make one called “Detroit”, but that one involves armor plating and grenade launchers.
Is Monday! Is Monday Search Term Safari! Thank you for your patronage, and remember to tip the waitstaff. (And stay away from the “Seafood Surprise”.)