oh, if only.

The Onion wins the Internets for the 35,927th time:

Supreme Court Upholds Freedom of Speech in Obscenity-Filled Ruling

I especially liked Justice John Paul Stevens’ rebuttal of the plaintiffs’ arguments:

“I’m beginning to wonder if you really understand what ‘abridging the freedom of speech’ means at all,” said Stevens, a 34-year veteran of the court known for his often-nuanced interpretations of the First Amendment. “I’m also wondering whether you and your fat-faced plaintiffs over there need to have some respect for constitutionally protected expression fucked into your empty hick skulls.”

The opinion of Justice Breyer in the sidebar reads like something I’d expect to see if someone appointed CrankyProf to the Supreme Court.  In a perfect world…


11 thoughts on “oh, if only.

  1. perlhaqr says:

    Would have been nice if they’d chosen to give a finger to those on the left who harangue for abridgement of said amendment, too.

  2. divemedic says:

    Too bad this ruling wasn’t for real,or this woman would not have been thrown in jail for having a shirt that a judge found objectionable. I guess only the proles have to worry about the First Amendment. Judges are free to violate the First Amendment rights of anyone they choose. I really do not think the Founding Fathers of this Nation had this sort of judicial power in mind when they wrote the Constitution.

    • perlhaqr says:

      “Contempt of court? I have nothing but contempt for this court.”

      (Yeah, ok, I’m a nerd.)

    • Shootin' Buddy says:

      “I really do not think the Founding Fathers of this Nation had this sort of judicial power in mind when they wrote the Constitution.”

      Actually they would. Power of contempt has always been fairly broad.

      However, in the Illinois matter I would think there should have been an opportunity to purge herself of the contempt (leave the courtroom or turn her shirt inside out in the washroom).

  3. Fred2 says:

    Even better would be a second amendment ruling inthe same vein.

    I can see Scalia bring his .50 call rifle and practice sighting the lawyers from the bench.

    (“Uh guys, if scalia is any indication, we’ve lost.”)

  4. Dave says:

    Speaking of Cranky, she appears to have gone members-only. Can anybody else get to her blog?

    • thornharp says:

      I registered for WordPress just to be able to see what’s new at Cranky’s , but when I enter my handle and password I just get the same login screen again.

      Someone needs to spray for code crickets.

    • CrankyProf says:

      No idea what the Hell you’re all on about. I am a demure model of tasteful speech, decorum and clean f*ckin’ language.

      • Chronos says:

        Had prob checking the blog today too tried to send an E-mail but it was returned to me….graded….said blog will not even think about letting you in until you take a writing class…J/K

        • Kristopher says:

          Might want to check yer settings, Cranky.

          Unless you really intended to make your blog completely private.

        • crankylitprof says:

          Mail me:

          crankyprof AT verizon DOT net.

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