monday search term safari XCIV.

toodlers get a hold of gun

If you can’t keep your firearms away from your toddlers, you don’t need to be owning any firearms.  Gun ownership carries with it the responsibility to use those guns in a responsible manner, and to keep them out of the hands of those who can’t use them responsibly.  Toddlers and guns don’t mix.

pelikan fountain pen noodler’s ink

I use nothing but Noodler’s in my Pelikans, without any problems.  It dries fast, becomes waterproof on the page, and doesn’t bleed or feather on my current batch of Piccadilly notebooks.

private day care are expensive

Well, of course they are.  How much would you charge to take care of a roomful of kids all day, provide their meals, look after their boo-boos, deal with the state regulators and inspectors, and insure yourself against liability lawsuits?

But hey, let’s do it like those enlightened Europeans, and have us all some free public day care! That will be much easier on the family budget, and all will be…hey, half my paycheck’s eaten up by taxes, and what’s this “21% VAT” item on my store receipts?  And why is my gas eight bucks a freakin’ gallon all of a sudden?

your “first million words” of writing

Maybe it doesn’t quite take a million words of shit before you produce something worth selling, but the vast majority of newly published authors didn’t sell the very first novel they ever wrote.  It takes practice to get good at something, and most established writers have a few trunk novels, apprentice pieces that won’t ever see the inside of a Borders or B&N.

1911 fatal design flaw

The 1911 has a few design elements that are less than optimal, like the staked-on plunger tube, or the barrel bushing setup.  However, when you’re talking about a pistol design that’s looking at its 100th birthday next year while still enjoying unbroken popularity, I don’t think you can claim any fatal design flaws.  Old Slabsides has served in WWI, WWII, Korea, Vietnam, and a bunch of other conflicts with distinction, and 1911s still make up 30% of the handgun shelf real estate in any given gunshop.  I think it’s safe to say that the 1911 is a successful design.

ipad double click flash

The iPad doesn’t do Flash.  According to The Steve, the iPad will never do Flash.  Incidentally, if there’s anything that will break Flash’s current dominance in the streaming online video field, it’s the fact that the iThings don’t support it.  Look for more and more sites to switch to HTML4 instead in the future.

yokie dog are dum

Yes, that’s the unedited search term straight from the log.  I’ll just let it sit there in all its glory, and let you watch the thick, viscous irony dripping off it all morning.

wrangler how to spot fakes

To ensure you’re getting genuine Munchkin Wrangler(tm) content, look for the official logo at the top of the page.  Also, this blog features a watermark, which you can see if you hold your monitor up into the light.

home internet use company laptop porn

One last time: if you have a job that entitles you to a company laptop, you probably make enough money to buy a $250 netbook or iPod touch to use as your personal porn surfing station.  In this economy, it’s a bit of a turn-off to the rest of the family when you come home without a paycheck all of a sudden because you couldn’t curb your addiction to Bored and Tired Forty-Year-Olds Dressed Up Like Schoolgirls. Also, “got fired for violating the Internet use policy” is a great big millstone tied to your employment history, especially in a market where it takes an MCSE or MBA just to wait tables at Friendly’s.


That’s today’s take, friends and neighbors.  Tune in again next week, when I snatch the best search terms out of the tank with my bare hands, and then fillet them for you with a dull butter knife while wearing a pair of welding gloves.


20 thoughts on “monday search term safari XCIV.

  1. Chris says:

    The worst part of day care being expensive is that the people doing the work don’t get paid jack. Daycares and preschools can barely compete with the likes of McD’s for employees. Even as a director of a day care center, you don’t get paid much, at least not enough to deal with the hassle of being a director.

    My wife has a degree in early childhood development and LOVES children. She no longer works fulltime in the daycare/preschool field because it wasn’t worth the effort (after 15 years of trying). She’s now making more money working part time at a local gym’s daycare (about 15-20hrs a week) than she was as a full-time preschool teacher (where she had to have, you know, actual skills and credentials). Not once while doing the full time gigs could she have afforded to put even one of our kids in the school she worked at while she was working.

    Shame too because she actually treated the job seriously and would work with the kids on things they should be learning as toddlers (manners, language, colors, shapes, etc). Most of her cow-orkers treated it as another McJob.

    • Chris says:

      Oh yeah, forgot to mention…

      At her old full time gig, if she had put our kids (we didn’t have any at the time) into the same facility, she would have to pay AND couldn’t work in the same room as the kid(s). At her current, part time, job, not only can the kiddos join her, they’re in the same room (actually, everyone is since it’s just a kiddy corral while the ‘rents are exercising). So, she gets some pocket money and doesn’t have to burn it up on day care. Kid(s) get playtime with non-family kids and adults.

  2. jimbob86 says:

    “hey, half my paycheck’s eaten up by taxes, and what’s this “21% VAT” item on my store receipts? And why is my gas eight bucks a freakin’ gallon all of a sudden?”

    ….. TANSTAAFL….. and not only that, I DON’T WANT TO EAT WHAT THEY ARE SELLIN’!

    It ain’t so much “Get off my lawn.” as “Get outa my garden.”

  3. Groundhog says:

    What are these search terms? I’m a fairly new reader so I don’t know the background. Are they things that brought people to your site?

    Can’t say I remotely get the “yokie dog are dum” one either 🙂

    • Marko Kloos says:

      “Yorkie dogs are dumb”.

      • Kristopher says:

        Wow … you speak Idiot.

        Is that contagious?

        • og says:

          Just don’t get any on you. And read something by o’Rourke afterwards as an antidote.

        • Windy Wilson says:

          Bilingualism is never a wasted skill, even when it is speaking a language so apparently useless as Idiot.
          We never know when Marko might decide that the skills in wrangling toddlers could be more remuneratively applied as a holder of elective office, at which time speaking that language is a definite qualifier.

  4. perlhaqr says:

    hey, half my paycheck’s eaten up by taxes, and what’s this “21% VAT” item on my store receipts? And why is my gas eight bucks a freakin’ gallon all of a sudden?

    Yeah, but, y’know, those prices affect even those who don’t have kids, so it’s like, more fair or something.

  5. Stretch says:

    “1911 fatal design flaw”?!? Blasphemy! Clearly an unwashed Glockite that follows the 9mm heresy.
    Such an affront to St. John of Ogden demands total and utter shunning.

    On a serious note: Ca. 1975 Students at a Richmond, VA area high school use to work at a neighboring day care center to earn credit towards a “health and family” class. While that program was in effect the school had the lowest teen pregnancy rate in the metro area. Nothing like changing diapers at 2pm Friday to insure a “No we wont either!” at 11pm.
    When the VA state legislature mandated all day care employees had to be bonded (thus over 18) the program ended and SURPRISE!!! teen pregnancies jumped.

  6. Sigivald says:

    HTML5, I think you mean (aka, in practice, h264 video)?

    I think that Flash is toast anyway, if Adobe can’t make it work reliably and quickly on mobile devices in general.

    (Which they evidently still can’t…)

    • Jimmy says:

      We will, Sigvald. Watch for the new Droids.

      …Huh. Been reading this site for years, never thought my first comment would be about software. Go figure.

  7. Tony says:

    “hey, half my paycheck’s eaten up by taxes, and what’s this “21% VAT” item on my store receipts? And why is my gas eight bucks a freakin’ gallon all of a sudden?”

    Ha! It makes jest of the European financial situation! In reality, it’s nothing like that at all!

    …Gas was actually closer to ten bucks per gallon today, according to my rough guesstimate. >.<

  8. Al Terego says:

    Oh, we already do the daycare thing a lot more like “those enlightened Europeans” than you may think.

    Like Chris’ wife, my eldest daughter was a daycare worker for many years, taking nonstop classes and obtaining certifications and ultimately working her way up to director of one location of a small chain. She loved working with the kids and her staff, developing a curriculum, planning activities…but most of all she loved the kids, and they loved her.

    But Chris hit on the dirty little secret; the employees of many of the centers entrusted with children’s welfare and well-being are paid minimum wage, and even then are often asked to falsify records of hours worked and numbers of children under their care. Why would that be, when as you said, the “tuition” is far from cheap?

    Because in every center she worked in, and every one she was aware of, the number of parents who actually pay was a small minority of those who used the services. The majority -by far- received subsidized daycare funded by some branch of gov. The “programs” varied, from county-administered to state to federal…but the common thread is that the daycare owners giddily awaited the first of the month, when their “check”, based on the number of “heads” under their care, arrived.

    Are there quality daycare programs and preschool facilities? There must be, somewhere. But in a semi-rural area like ours, and for all I know most urban ones, the same poison that has ruined our public schools and sucked the life and idealism and dedication out of the teachers and administrators, has done exactly the same to the places and people whose job it is (was) to care for our most vulnerable and impressionable citizens.

    So why is the private tuition so high? Because few can or do pay it; certainly not enough for the centers to provide nice facilities, pay quality teachers and deal with the layers of bureaucracy and expenses that you mention…and still provide the funds for the owners to take a hands-off approach to the down-and-dirty daily operation while living high on the hog themselves. So they sign up for the subsidized programs, they take the easy money, they minimize expenditures for the kids and for the teachers…they sell out to the same smothering, corrupting, socialist system that is collapsing Europe as we watch. And those who can and will pay are penalized in the same way we all will be when socialized medicine takes full hold of the healthcare system; soaking those who pay their own way to cover the many who don’t or won’t.

    Think it can’t happen here? It is happening here. And VAT’s and eight-dollar gas ain’t far behind.


  9. ASM826 says:

    I was at a picnic a couple of years ago where squirt guns were issued to the kids. There was one toddler that could not successfully pull the trigger with one finger. He reversed the gun and with a two hand grip squeezed the trigger with his thumbs, squirting himself in the chest.

    It was the absolute lesson about what a young child will do with a handgun.

  10. […] probably makes this a wash at the end of the day), and he keeps saying the exactly right thing about three days before I need it: I’ll just let it sit there in all its glory, and let you watch the thick, viscous irony dripping […]

  11. Justthisguy says:

    Ah, yes, Yorkshire Terriers. A former neighbor had one, which would bark bark bark every time I walked by. I used to bark back at it, just to increase its frenzy. One of my late-night fantasies was to kill that loathesome critter by first offering it my hand to chew on (it was up to date on its rabies shots) while holding it belly-up in my arms and going pbpbppbffttth on its tummy with my lips. I betcha it would have died of a heart attack then and there.

    • Justthisguy says:

      P.s. When you wrote “fillet”, didn’t you mean “filet”? A fillet is something used by pattern-makers, or airplane makers. A filet is something you get when you use a knife on a fish.

  12. Windy Wilson says:

    Marko, with regard to Genuine Munchkin Wrangler products, are you affiliated with the Munchkin Wrangler T-shirts sold on Cafe Press?

    And I’m sure I speak for all of us when I say I would prefer if you would snatch the Monday Search Terms from the tank with gloves on. Some of these gems (?!) just should not be handled at any point without proper protection.

  13. pax says:

    Re the “fatal design flaw” of the 1911, your searcher was probably looking for this:

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