(Content Warning: Rant on kid-related stuff follows.)
Once upon a time, I thought that buying clothes for myself was just about the most aggravating possible shopping experience. Turns out I was dead wrong–shopping for two preschoolers is worse by far.
For starters, why is it that I can’t find pants to fit these kids to save my life? If they’re long enough to not end above the ankle, they’re invariably much too wide in the waist. If the waist fits, they’re too short. Quinn needs pants that are Size 5 in length, and Size 4 at the most in waist circumference. Right now I have to buy the Size 5 pants, and tighten them up with a belt. Lyra has the same problem, which is aggravated in her case because few girl pants even have belt loops. Now, I know my kids are not particularly skinny, but the near-universal occurrence of too-short-or-too-waisty pants leads me to believe that being smack in the 50th percentile for height and weight is somehow unusual for kids these days.
Then there’s the lack of variety in girl clothing. When I go shopping for Lyra, I have a great variety of options, as long as I look for either a.) glittery princess shit, b.) Lil Bratz-type wannabe club couture, or c.) Prostitot wear. I’m sorry, but there’s absolutely no reason for midriff-revealing clothing in the pre-teen age bracket, and that goes double for the pre-school bracket. Do people really tart up their little girls like Tijuana hookers?
Last point of grievance: the almost complete lack of shoes that don’t have fucking Velcro fasteners. Some of us would actually like to teach our kids to tie their own shoes, thank you very much.
Can’t I just buy normal freaking clothes for my kids, please? Jeans that fit boys of average weight and build? Plain button-down shirts? T-shirts and footwear without cartoon endorsements? Girl clothes that aren’t glittery, sugary, cutesy, slutty, or cheesy? I swear, it’s enough to make a Dad look at stitching patterns for sack cloth ponchos…