is osama home? can osama come out and play?

Some middle-aged American got picked up in Pakistan for moseying around the Afghan border, presumably to find Osama bin Forgotten.  When the Pakistanis picked him up, he had in his possession a handgun, night-vision goggles, a sword, and “Christian religious literature.”

You have to be a few fries short of a Happy Meal to be wandering around that part of the world with an American passport and a bag full of Chick tracts.  I’m assuming he was toting locally-acquired hardware, since it’s much easier to buy a gat at the bazaar in Peshawar than to get on an international flight with one, but I’d like to picture the lonesome warrior for justice armed with a .45-caliber Ruger in a gun show special nylon holster (“with a pouch for the spare clip!”), and a ninja sword obtained from Wacky Bob’s 2AM sales special on the Teevee.

Once again, life writes the best comedies.  You put that shit in a book, people will roll their eyes and say, “As if.”  The only possible way this article could be any better is if Captain Liberty’s backpack had also included a home-made superhero costume and/or one of those “Terrorist Hunting Permit” bumper stickers.


15 thoughts on “is osama home? can osama come out and play?

  1. Jay G. says:

    Heh. I saw this on the news this morning and had pretty much the same reaction you did, Marko.

    You know what jumped out at me? The news reported on the length of the sword (40″, if you must know). Apparently just being an American wandering around the Kandahar border with a handgun and NV goggles wasn’t enough to know; we had to know the exact length of sword that Arthur Jr. was totin’….

    • Dixie says:

      “Apparently just being an American wandering around the Kandahar border with a handgun and NV goggles wasn’t enough to know…”

      Just a hunch, but that description probably fits all too many people right now. (chuckle)

  2. Tam says:

    It was probably a katana. You can chop a machine gun in half with one of those. 😐

  3. divemedic says:

    Also included in his kit:
    Special boots that let him climb walls
    Body armor
    Trauma plate taped to back
    Tactical golf cart

  4. Sarah says:

    Being one of those nutballs, he was probably carrying a small-caliber handgun in an ankle rig, with his high-speed mall-ninja BDUs tucked into his boots. ‘Cause we all know that he was going to take out Osama and all his heavily armed henchmen with that sword.

  5. Geodkyt says:

    Not a Ruger .45. No proper Ninjicus mallus would be cuaght dead with such a non-tactical pistol.

    No, it’ll either be a Teutonic Wunderplastic Deathstick from HK, or it’ll be an FN FiveSeven.

  6. B Smith says:

    Heh. We used to joke about the rednecks’ reaction to 9/11: “Hell, boys, I got a shotgun an’ a bass boat…let’s go git that sumbitch!”

  7. Desertrat says:

    No, no, no, divemedic! No way a tactical golf cart! A tactical wheelbarrow!

  8. LittleRed1 says:

    While I admire his nerve, I highly question his judgement (to put it mildly).

  9. Chang says:

    I wanna know how this nudnik not only lived but also how he had such good intel:

    Maybe we should send him back with more swords? 🙂

  10. Al T. says:

    Ahem… There is still a large reward for OBL. Perhaps this guy was channeling Dog the Bounty Hunter… 🙂

  11. Kristopher says:

    At least he’s trying for him.

    Isn’t our own .gov supposed to be making an effort? They could at least declare him dead. If he’s still alive, that will smoke him out for a public statement. A small embarrassment risk is worth settling this matter.

    • ASM826 says:

      I’m with you on this, Kris, at least he’s in the game. Does anyone think the Pakistani, Afgani, or U.S. military are actively hunting for Bin Ladin?

      This is a terminally ill man who decided to take one more trip to Pakistan in a personal search for a mass murderer. Why wasn’t he arrested on one of his previous trips? Was he just getting too close this time?

      The weapons he purchased and was carrying are likely commonly available in the markets. If he could have brought U.S. made equipment, he likely would have done so.

      The Unites States State Department is offering $25 million dollars for the capture of Osama, so why wouldn’t it be okay for U.S. citizens to participate in the hunt?

    • Geodkyt says:

      This administration is NOT willing to “risk a little embarassment.”

      The LAST administration gave up on it, as their political opponants used that “small embarrassment” was used as a bludgeon to undercut actual war efforts. The embarassament was more damaging to US efforts than the benefit of having Osama make another tape.

      I am reasonably sure we are still looking for him, even if I suspect this administration has cut back on trying to locate him as a “target”, and is looking for him as a “suspect”.

      ASM — yes, it would be perfectly legal, so far as I know, for any US citizen who is not a government employee to cash in the reward, should they catch Bin Laden.

      As for his equipment, he could have easily acquired better weapons if he was at all competant. As it was, he wouldn’t even get through OBLs pickets without getting killed or grabbed. (And if they had half the brains God gave a turnip, they’d interrogate him until satisfied he’s just a lone nut, cut his throat quietly, and dump the body someplace far away where it will never be found. “He just went missing in the hills,” is a lot less data to hand the CIA than, “He was caught and killed by al Qaida right about ‘here’.” One is null data, the other is an indicator of activity in a specific area — enouh scraps like that and some analyist will figure there’s something worth a closer look.)

      This guy is sadly unhinged, and a danger to himself. While I’m all for letting sovereign adults make up their own mind, it’s pretty apparant this guy isn’t playing with a full deck. I’m NOT all in favor of letting the mentally ill or handicapped (and I suspect the former rather than the latter) go off and get themselves uselessly killed becuase they aren’t thinking clearly.

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