Here’s my take on the “abducted” Iranian nuke scientist:
Judging by his relative freedom of movement, his various locations within the U.S. during his stay with the Great Satan, and the very obvious increase in chunkiness from month to month, I think that events roughly transpired as follows:
- Iranian scientist is lured by the Great Satan with promise of various secular rewards for jumping ship and spilling the beans on Iran’s nuke program.
- Iranian scientist uses a pilgrimage to Mecca to hook up with the local CIA office; gets whisked to Great Satan Land without much fanfare.
- Iranian scientist gets pumped for information, and it turns out he either doesn’t know enough to warrant a comprehensive rewards/witness relocation package, or he has a change of heart when he remembers what his country’s spooks do with traitors.
- Iranian scientist is on a really loose leash while in the U.S., and he takes the opportunity to check out the carnal and spiritual temptations offered in Great Satan Land.
- After a few months of Big Macs, unrestricted Internet porn, buttered popcorn, megamalls, and late-night shopping networks, the shiny has worn off, and Iranian scientist has a change of heart regarding the desirability of Great Satan Land as his future primary place of residence.
- Realizing that he can’t just go back home and tell the narrative as it happened, he’s playing the angles to claim that he was an unwilling party to the whole transaction, in the hopes of turning his conundrum into some sort of profit at home.
A few of the details may have happened slightly differently, but overall, I think that sketches the situation fairly accurately. Because, dude, if we’re the Men in Black, I guarantee you that a real CIA abduction won’t see you having access to a drive-through and a webcam while you’re in captivity.