Title: “Distillation Station”
Genre: Children’s Television (Pre-K)
Logline: The zany adventures of Mister Hooch and his friends, as they hang out at Distillation Station and have run-ins with the grumpy old Temperance who lives across the street.
Mister Hooch–an anthropomorphic Martini glass. He has a half-sibling called Shakey No-Stir, who makes occasional cameos on the show.
Señor Caramba–the 100% agave tequila bottle, Mister Hooch’s wacky Mexican neighbor.
Abby Sinthe–Señor Caramba’s French girlfriend.
Becky Seagram–the cheerleader who lives in apartment 2A.
Chad Appletini–Becky’s gay roommate.
Vern and Vera Mooth–the retired couple. They’re mostly bitter, but mix well with others.
Signor Sambuca–Distillation Station’s short-order cook. He gets lit on fire in every episode.
Olive–the stuffed jalapeno olive who has a secret crush on Mister Hooch.
Johnny Kirschwasser–exchange student from Europe. He’s a deceptively easy-going little guy who packs a punch.
Pruno–the ex-con who lives in the little apartment by the basement stairs.
Carrie Cosmo–the stuck-up yuppie clothes-rack everyone professes to hate. Half the male characters secretly like her, but wouldn’t admit it to their pals.
Horst and Schorsch, the Apfelkorn Brothers–immigrants from Germany. They hang out uninvited in Monsieur Pernod’s apartment a lot.
Monsieur Pernod–loves licorice, chain-smokes filterless Gauloises, and hates the Apfelkorn brothers.
Mr. Dickel–the retired teacher from Tennessee.
The Master Distiller–the benevolent grandfather figure who runs Distillation Station. The other characters come to him for advice, guidance, and liquid refreshments. (Producer’s Note: to be cast with an older British pop star.)
Title song (to be commissioned): “Distillation Station, where it’s all about inebriation…”
(Some character ideas courtesy of the people unlucky enough to have friended me on Facebook.)