a brief search term safari.

i found mouse turds in my cabinet

I’m not a detective, but that evidence suggests that you may have mice in the house.  (Either that, or it’s a very clever trail of false clues, prepared by a cabal of rogue chipmunks to distract you from the real menace.  They’re cute, but devious.)

clown’s dressing room

Can’t miss it. It’s the one down the hall at Fox News. Says “Glenn Beck” on it.

should my letter be typed or handwritten

That depends.  A business letter should always be typed/printed.  A personal letter is more, uh, personal if it’s handwritten.  If the recipient can’t read your handwriting for some reason (bad eyesight, your atrocious longhand, the color scheme of your crayons, etc.), then it’s also acceptable to send a typed personal letter.

cubic fuck ton of guns

That will be the name of my gun store, if I ever start one.

what the fuck is wrong with you stupid

And that will be the name of my newspaper self-help column, if I ever write one.

no tears shampoo

That marketing claim is a vile lie.  Get it into their eyes, and it’s most definitely not “no tears”.  Then it’s more like “Battery Acid (Now With Melon Scent!)”

how to write straight on thick unlined paper

If your paper is so thick that guide sheets don’t show through, you can either a.) practice a lot, or b.) pre-line the pages lightly with a fine pencil, and then erase the lines later.  Method a.) is less work in the long run.

atomic wrangler sex

That’s the only kind we practice here at Castle Frostbite.  Saturday nights are epic up in this place.

add bate to fake chz mouse traps?

No, no, no.  The bate is for you, so you can wait by the fake chz mouse trap with bated breath.

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That’s all that was left this week after subtracting all the uninteresting or disturbing search terms.  (And you with the strange fetish involving auto-erotic stimulation and hobos: seek help. Seriously.)