and this is why we have the internets.

I’m reasonably confident the following sentence from this news article has never been used before, and will most likely never be used again:

A German student “mooned” a group of Hell’s Angels and hurled a puppy at them before escaping on a stolen bulldozer.

If you can read that combination of words without your Weird-Shit-O-Meter pegging a fair amount, you’ve seen some really bizarre stuff in your lifetime.

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is osama home? can osama come out and play?

Some middle-aged American got picked up in Pakistan for moseying around the Afghan border, presumably to find Osama bin Forgotten.  When the Pakistanis picked him up, he had in his possession a handgun, night-vision goggles, a sword, and “Christian religious literature.”

You have to be a few fries short of a Happy Meal to be wandering around that part of the world with an American passport and a bag full of Chick tracts.  I’m assuming he was toting locally-acquired hardware, since it’s much easier to buy a gat at the bazaar in Peshawar than to get on an international flight with one, but I’d like to picture the lonesome warrior for justice armed with a .45-caliber Ruger in a gun show special nylon holster (“with a pouch for the spare clip!”), and a ninja sword obtained from Wacky Bob’s 2AM sales special on the Teevee.

Once again, life writes the best comedies.  You put that shit in a book, people will roll their eyes and say, “As if.”  The only possible way this article could be any better is if Captain Liberty’s backpack had also included a home-made superhero costume and/or one of those “Terrorist Hunting Permit” bumper stickers.

two awesome things to marginally brighten your day.

Awesome Thing of the Day #1:

Royal Shakespeare Company. David Tennant as Hamlet. Patrick Stewart as Claudius.  If that doesn’t make you want to run out and get the DVD, or add it to your Netflix queue as fast as you can click that mouse button, I don’t even want to know you.

Awesome Thing of the Day #2:

Librarians do Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face”.

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In other news, I’m still alive, but busy with stuff that involves spending some time away from the Intertubes.  Also, the wireless router imploded, so I actually had to hook up an old wired router and string some Cat5 cable like in the information technology Dark Ages of circa 1995.  That means no laptop or iPod access to the Great Link.  I’ll go and get a replacement router this coming weekend, but I’m not in a rush.  For some reason, not having the Internets in my pocket has been a rather liberating experience.

More later.  Be good out there, and don’t make a mess of things on these Intertubes while I’m out.  The last time I left you all without supervision, someone dropped one of those Lithuanian porn spam servers, and the play room was ankle-deep in email links.  Let’s not do that again, okay?  I’d hate to have to ground the lot of you.

oh, if only.

The Onion wins the Internets for the 35,927th time:

Supreme Court Upholds Freedom of Speech in Obscenity-Filled Ruling

I especially liked Justice John Paul Stevens’ rebuttal of the plaintiffs’ arguments:

“I’m beginning to wonder if you really understand what ‘abridging the freedom of speech’ means at all,” said Stevens, a 34-year veteran of the court known for his often-nuanced interpretations of the First Amendment. “I’m also wondering whether you and your fat-faced plaintiffs over there need to have some respect for constitutionally protected expression fucked into your empty hick skulls.”

The opinion of Justice Breyer in the sidebar reads like something I’d expect to see if someone appointed CrankyProf to the Supreme Court.  In a perfect world…

smart people reviewing dumb movie.

The Atomic Nerds take on Pocahontas in Space Avatar in a two-prong approach:

LabRat offers a cerebral perspective on the philosophical failings of Jim Cameron’s White Guilt in 3D, while Stingray opens up a can of review whoop-ass that makes the most caustic review at Rotten Tomatoes read like the transcript from a five-year-old’s Winnie the Pooh tea party.

Go read, but heed my warning and put all beverage containers out of reach before reading Stingray’s review, because I will not be held responsible for soaked keyboards:

LabRat vs. Avatar

Stingray vs. Avatar

seconded.

CrankyProf goes to school spring dance; random observations on specific asshattery result.

(T)here are members of the human herd that should be clubbed down like harp seals for the good of the race entire. Seriously. There ought to be a superhero — “Darwin Man!” — who appears, bludgeons the wart on humanity into paste — “For the good of all mankind, I apply the rod of Natural Selection!” –  and disappears until necessity calls. He’d probably be overbooked as all Hell.

Darwin Man…we have a great need for this superhero’s specialty skill.  He needs an awesome costume, a snazzy theme, and his own light signal, to be shined into the skies from the top of the police department.  Maybe an outline of a dodo?